Messages

I'm in Arizona.

We were suppose to spend 3 hours with the counselor and 45 minutes into the session the counselor said this clearly isn't going to work so lets wrap things up.  My son's father and I looked at each other and we both said we wanted to work it out and asked the counselor what he suggested.  He told us he couldn't suggest anything because he didn't know yet.  Once again we were both baffled.  So we got to talk for another 20 minutes and then the counselor said it was over.

For the first time in months my son's father and I both agreed on something.  That counselor SUCKED!  My son's father even teased that maybe the counselor wanted to take an early lunch and would probably recommend our child be placed in foster care because he was trying to get us out of there so fast.  I was very surprised he thought that because the counselor was going to recommend alot of what my son's father wanted.  We actually laughed about how awful the session went.  But what's really sad is we still don't agree.

Yesterday my son's father and I went to conciliation and met with a counselor who was extremely bias (and I'm not just saying that because he didn't agree with me).  My son's father and I are trying to come to an agreement over custody.  Currently our son stays with his grandmother 3 days a week and goes to daycare 2 days a week.   What  I purposed was that dad watch our son Monday & Tuesday every other week and has every other weekend.  His proposal was to have our son every Monday & Tuesday and every other weekend.  I tried explaining to the counselor that dad travels alot and he works 4 days on 3 days off.  Therefore if he has M,T,W off he is working Th,F,S,Su and just like he is watching our son on M & T when I am working why would I not have him when he is working (I don't work weekends).  If he does every other weekend that gives him the opportunity to work M-Th the week he doesn't watch our son on M & T and come the weekend he can spend time with our son (he has the flexibility to work the days he wants).

The counselor was extremely bias.  My son's father told him that if he were to travel that he would put him in daycare on "his side" of town (we live a little over an hour apart).  What sense does that make?  So now our son would be going to "two" different schools (even though he stated the reason for him wanting joint custody was to spend more time with our child).  Although I know the real reason is he wants more time to lower or eliminate child support (he is 7,000 in arrears and to this day refuses to follow the court order and has also failed to show up for visitation).  Even though I explained that he works on the weekends the counselor didn't care.  He stated he was still going to recommend my son's father keep him while he works even if that means his wife would take care of him while he works or while he travels or he has to go to daycare.  WHAT???  Let me mention at the beginning of the session my son's father told the counselor that I was an exceptional mom (to remove any doubt of me being unfit).  At that point I realized that anything I said didn't make a difference.  Even last time we went to court the judge became extremely upset with my son's father for even suggesting that his wife could watch our son when I'm available so why would a counselor find it ok?

Does anyone have any advice on how to go about complaining about a counseling session, how to see another counselor, what to have my lawyer file (he is out of town for the next week) or state that the counselor was inept (to say the least).  I don't know any social worker or anyone in the counseling profession that would find it beneficial for a child to go to 2 different schools at 2 years of age when stability is so important at  this age.  You know what forget about him being two, the fact that any child should have to go to 2 different schools is crazy!  In every text I've read, with every counselor or teacher I've spoken to no one has heard or recommended a child going to two different schools.  That session has just left me absolutely baffled!!  Any suggestions on what to do?  And what's next if I don't agree with the recommendation?  We have a trial coming up in September.  Are there separate evaluations I can request be done?

Believe me when I say I wish we could all get along.  And I understand when you say I should see her as family.  I have an older daughter (14)and her father and I get along GREAT.  His fiance is wonderful and I really like her.  

However my son's father's wife has done some very distasteful things, such as calling my former employer to get information about me and writing my parents letters saying how she hates me (by the way I'm 36 and a little old for juvenile games).  She also went to my son's daycare and told the director she didn't like the facility and would never send her own kids there.  So I apologize if my writing indicates some distain for her.

I believe in parents, step-parents and extended family getting along for the best interest of the child.  However I also do believe there are boundries that are clearly defined and have been overstepped.  I have been very patient and know my son's father's intentions.  I only wish he cared as much as my family and I do about our son and not about his money.

Thanks......

My son's grandmother (I moved back in with my parents because he was not paying support and I could not afford rent, daycare & everyday bills) is hardly a stranger!  We live with my parents who are very supportive and loving.  I would hardly classify my son living in the same home (his home) as being with a stranger.

No I don't have proof of his motive, which is frustrating.  He could want to spend more time but he has shown no effort to do so.  

Statistics show that joint custody doesn't lead to more parenting time.  It leads to the other primary caretaker having the additional responsibility to take care of that child.  And in my situation my son's father is going to continue to travel for work, go to conferences, and be on call.  The only difference now is his wife will be parenting instead of him and he gets to reap the benefits of not having to pay support.  And truly have our son spend time with what I call a STRANGER.

Really I'm not trying to be argumentative here but I guess it looks as if i don't know what I'm talking about when I say I know what my son's father's motives are.  He has told me out of his own mouth that he was not going to pay and he wants joint custody because he doesn't want to pay child support.  He has done everything from not paying child support, claiming our son on his taxes when he wasn't suppose to and not reimbursing me for medical claims.  Sadly for him this is all about money.

Right now I we have joint legal custody.  But he is wanting joint physical custody.  

I understand that other people don't see what I live but I know my son's father.  He is not a bad father he is just more consumed with work than our son.  Our son is secondary and he only has time if it's convenient.

I understand that child support & custody are two seperate issues but when the motive is to obtain custody to get out of paying support the lines become blurred.

I know that my son's father wants to get joint custody because he has a wife breathing down his neck to keep the money in their house.  She hates me so that she is willing to watch my son in order for him to get out of paying support.  You see he isn't really going to be the one watching our son, his wife is.  But he's not going to let that be known to the court.

>  You probably have no
>concrete hard proof that he wants to watch the child because
>he doesn't want to pay child support, that is only your
>opinion and a judge more then likely is not going to entertain
>opinions.  
>

I do have proof that he doesn't want to pay child support.  He didn't follow the court order because he didn't want to pay that amount, which put him in arrears.  He received a letter from DESC stating they were going to put a judgement on his credit and the arrears is being reported to the credit bureau.  I don't know how much more proof I need.  I'm not saying that he is unfit.  But what I am saying his I know his motives, which is to reduce or eliminate child support.

I'm thinking of our son and if his father watches him it will be inconsistent and I will have to scramble for daycare when I already have something stable and secure in place for him.

Thanks for the opinions.

My son's father is taking me to court to get Joint Physical Custody because he wants to watch our 2 yr son from his home while he works (we live almost an hour apart). Currently our son stays at home 3 days a week with his grandmother and goes to daycare for 2 days.

My son's father is only taking me to court because he does not want to pay for daycare and pay child support.  Over a year ago there was an order for him to pay child support and he never followed it.  He paid $227 less each month because he did not want to pay what the court ordered.  In addition he has forgot to pick our son up for scheduled parenting time.

Personally I don't believe my son's father can watch our highly active 2 year old and work (he's an engineer).  Last year he told the court he couldn't even do midweek visits because of his demanding schedule.  He also travels alot.  I believe our son will be sat in front of the tv for hours on end while his dad tries to work and when he travels I will have to find daycare.  My mother takes him to the park, the library, zoo and various activities.  Everything is in place and he has a set schedule.

Just looking for an opinion and other's experience..... Would a judge grant joint custody based on dad claiming he wants to spend more time with our son or will the judge see right through him trying to get out of paying child support?