Messages

Soc,

As our court date gets closer I'm sure I will have more questions.

Thank you again for providing me with sound advice, it is greatly appreciated! :-)

Take care,
tweety1

All I really want is what is best for this little one.  Whenever we have gone to court my goal has always been to protect this child's best interest.  I have learned so much about "the system" and I am not really sure that the courts always have the best interest of the child in mind, sometimes I think that is just fluff.

It is repulsive to me that physical child abuse can be substantiated and the parent still gets a chance. It doesn't seem to matter that a child has been given a second chance.  This little one was just a couple of months old when harmed.  I'll never get that but I guess it doesn't really matter what I get or don't get.

The reason I am pushing for the adoption is because the BM took so long to consent and I don't want to lose that.  I never would have guessed that BF would have contested.  I told both bios they could still see the child, BM supervised.  I just don't want this child to be uprooted oneday when they decide there ready to be parents.  That would not be in the child's best interest but I guess that isn't for me to decide.

I will also admit that I am concerned about my other children, I know they would be devastated.  My other children are also young and they have seen this little one go through so much, from raw skin to 1st degree burns etc.  They would get very upset when BM had supervised visits away from our house.  They didn't understand why this little one had to keep getting hurt.

I really tried to help BF get to know the child.  At some point I told him all I want is for you to be a dad.  You can lead the horse to the water but you can't make him drink it.  I still don't understand why he is contesting the adoption.  He hasn't shown any interest in this child.  He could walk in my front door and the child wouldn't have a clue who he is. I personally think someone is pushing him to do this.

I hired an attorney but ofcourse the courts aren't viewing him to represent the child's best interest.  After the investigations were over that was it from DSS and I could not allow this child to become another statistic.  We thank god everyday that he is alive without brain damage.  My goal will always be to protect this child's best interest.  I also tried to get seperate legal counsel for this little one and I was told that it wasn't neccesary.  I pray that the court appoints a GAL.

I'm certainly not looking forward to going to court and I don't want to speak of BF in a negative way.  Honestly my heart breaks for him but at the same time it isn't fair for my family which includes this child to live life in limbo.  I know what is fair and what is the law is different.

I am very aware of the fact that from a legal stand point I have no "rights" to this child.  It is probably fair to say that I've been a long-term care taker.  Either way I love this little one as one of my own.

Sorry for all of the venting:-)

Your reply made me think of some other questions.

1.)  Would videos of my family bare any weight in court?

2.)  What is the difference between being named guardian vs. having custody?

3.)  If an entire family supports this adoption because they all feel it is in the child's best interest, does that matter in court?  As far as I know BF's family also supports it.  

4.)  In my first post I tried to remain factual and not negative about BF.  Did I come across negative?  

If yes, how do I remain factual in court without coming across negative?  

5.)  Do I bring the child to court to prove that BF is a complete stranger?  

Besides testimony from myself and others how do I prove there is no child parent relationship there?

Does a GAL observe the child with all parties?  That would be a way of proving there is no parent child relationship.

6.)  Because this child was abused are there any other laws that play a role in this?

Thank you for your time regarding my post and everyone elses.  It has truley been a blessing to find this forum.

tweety:-)

Hi Socrateaser,

I will try to keep this brief.

History:

Due to abuse by BM I have had custody (sole, legal and physical) of a child for 2.6 years.  The child is also a family member of mine.  During the past 2.6 years BF has not objected to me having custody and has also verbally stated (to my husband and I) that he would like for us to adopt him.

By his choice BF has seen the child a handful of times in 2.6 years and other people including me initiated that contact but he never contacted me on his own.  In the past I offered to pick BF up so that he could visit with child, take child to BF, Bf to live in my house etc.  BF never once took advantage of any of those opportunities and as a result no parent child relationship was established.  BF had court ordered visitation but again he did not exercise it.

There was phone contact between BF and I but only when I called him.  The last phone contact was 7 months ago and there has been no other contact.  It has been almost a year since he has seen the child.
CS order was established 5 months ago and he has failed to pay it.  He hasn't paid anything in the past 2.6 years.


FACTS:

Despite the opportunites I provided him he has not maintained meaningful contact with the child.

He has not contributed to any of the childs  financial, physical or emotional needs.

There is no parent child relationship with BF and child.

He has not maintained contact with me.

He has not attended all of the court hearings nor did he adhere to other request by the court.

The child has been out of the care and custody of both parents for more than 2 years.

Parent child relationship exist between child and us.  There are very strong emotional ties.

Sibling bond exist between child and my other children.

I've omitted many details but the present situation is, BM has finally consented to an adoption but BF has filed an objection.

Questions:

1)  There will be a court hearing in the matter of a contested adoption.    What should I expect at this hearing?

2)  The child does not have an attorney, should the courts appoint one and if they don't how will the courts view it if I hire one?

3)  Is an expert witness neccesary to establish how detrimental it could be to this child to be removed from the only family this child has ever known?

4)  Given the BF's history, does he really have a chance?

5)  Will the courts consider how this will affect my other children?

6)  Please add any comments or suggestions that you think will be helpful to me!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and I look forward to hearing from you!

Tweety1  

:-)

I am not positive but I believe you will have to file for a change in jurisdiction and after that is done file in your new county.  This is a good questions for SOC.  

tweety1

First of all let me say that I feel your pain.  My situation wasn't exactly the same but similiar.  I hope the abuse was proven and that justice was done for your daughter.

What happened to the cousin?  

Someone should also be asking the question where did the cousin learn this from?  My guess is someone has abused this person.  Maybe GM or BM.

Did DSS do an invesitgation, if so was abuse ever substantiated?  

What is the history with BM and DD?

Have you thought about no contact?

Did you file for contempt on GM?

Did the therapist report this to DSS and the police?  If not they SHOULD and by law they HAVE too.

Did your attorney fill for an emergency hearing?

Get to know your victims rights law.  I wish I would have known back then what I know now.

If there is an investigation going all then all visits should be stopped pending the investigation.  If this hasn't been done then someone other than you should report this to DSS and the police.  Consult your attorney about you also reporting this.  When you call DSS they will question your motives and will probably figure your lashing out.

GM should be removed from supervising because she is not looking out for the best interest of your daughter; she violated the court order which resulted in your DD to be sexually abused, emotional abuse, allowed her DD to move in (another court order violation).  The other thing that REALLY concerns me is GM telling DD not to tell.  That is so typical of someone that abuses a child.  I'm not saying the GM abused your DD sexually but it is very possible that GM has abused another child in this way and out of protecting herself she wants your DD to be quiet.  They try to scare them, give them many presents, guilt them, manipulate them etc.  What the @-!! is wrong with people.  She should be in jail for failing to protect your DD while in her care and knowing that this heinous act was taking place.  I hope the police are involved with this and she rots in ****.

Since the BM moved in with GM knowing that she wasn't allowed and visted with DD unsupervised, did BM violate the court order in some way?  It sounds to me that there has been a change in circumstances which should be grounds for a change in custody.

Your attorney should be well versed with respect to child abuse and custody. That is also really important.  It's a good idea to document everything of importance that occurs with GM and BM.  When you talk to anyone in the legal system (police, DSS etc) involved document that to; always include date, time, who you spoke with, conversation etc.  Sending yourself an email is a good way of getting the date and time stamp.  This has been very helpful to me.  It may not be submitted as evidence but it helps refresh your memory which will help in your testimony.

Your daughter will forever be affected by this abuse.  In my humble opinion you have every right to want to stop all visitation.  Your DD may not understand it now but she will when she is older and she will appreciate it.  You are doing the right thing by taking her to therapy and hopefully it is continued even after this is over.

During court your main focus should be in the best interest of your daughter, as sch says.

I understand how frustrating it is to go through this.  I've been coping with a situation for 2.6 years and as you can probably tell it disgust me that people are able to hurt children and get away with it.  

I hope I didn't duplicate to many questions or ask you something that has already been said.  Please keep us posted and remember you are protecting your most valued treasure.

PM if needed

tweety1:-)