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Hay Dez,

I think I have it bad while others have it much worse than me, I'm sure. I was given the proper information, just not with enough time to prepare/respond. Her attorney made sure that I recieved all documents as late as possible. I'm not sure if there is time frame that the attorney has to maintain as far as documents are concerned, but I do know there is a time frame for the response. I always seemed to have 7-10 days. This is when I was working 10-12 hour days.

Well, I think the lawyer would have represented me a hell of a lot better than myself, for one. The judge seemed to brush off everything I said and I'm guessing it's because I was unprepared and unfamiliar with the procedures. All the research that I did flew right out the window when I was standing in front of the judge. It seems like the judge felt I was disrespecting the whole system by trying to do what a lawyer's supposed to do.

I never said my post will help anyone. I simply said that I hope it CAN help someone in any way. I know there are those that are doing well on there own, there are also others that are not such as myself.

I just think the judge would have listened to the lawyer a bit more than myself.

I'm posting this for those that are going through similar situations and hope that it helps in some way. I live in Florida where the courts are a bit less father friendly, or at least it seems that way. I split with my ex in 2004 when my son had just turned 3. We were going through some tough times as most couples do when raising children. She has a daughter from her previous marriage with the father still actively involved in the daughter's life. For this, I gave him lots of respect.

Before she got pregnant, it seemed like we didn't fight about anything. We always agreed or compromised with all decisions until a few months after we found out that she was pregnant. That's when everything started to go down hill. She started to complain about everything, and her word was always final. I just did what a lot of men do.....yea, ok, that's fine. I hardly ever got my way, but it kept us from fighting over everything.

So to fast forward the story, we were sitting down in the living room one night, and she says to me, "We need to figure something out because we can't keep living like this". She suggested that we separate and try to work things out. I told her that that wasn't what I wanted to do, but if that's what she wants to do then fine. I packed my stuff the next day and moved out.

For the first few months I asked her if she needed anything, is everything ok, etc. She just seemed to cut me out of the family completely. She didn't want to talk to me or even look at me, as if I had done something really terrible to her. She started to act this way just a week after I moved out. Suddenly, if it concerned her I didn't need to know.

About a 2 months after we split, I mentioned child support and how much she was expecting from me. $25 a week was her number and I gave it to her. For the next few months that's what I gave her, $25 a week. I also bought him clothes, took him to the doctor, got his hair cut and bought him toys. At that time I had my son approximately 60% of the time. When she began to ask for more money (as I wasn't giving her any, so she said) I started giving her $50 week. Back then, I was staying at my sister's house until I could afford my own place. In order to afford an apartment, pay my bills, buy my son the necessities and give her money, I traded my SUV for a smaller car and lower payments. I was fine with all this until I picked up my son from daycare and he didn't have his glasses on. I only had him for the next 2 days, so I let it slide and didn't ask her about the glasses. The next time I picked him up (2 days later) he still didn't have his glasses on, so I asked her about his glasses. She said that he had broken them playing at daycare and she was going to buy him new ones the next week because she didn't have the money. The same thing happened with his medicine a few weeks later. What really burned me up was that she didn't tell me anything. That's when I stopped giving her money.

I finally got a 2 bedroom apartment and everything seemed to be going pretty good for me aside from the headaches coming from the ex. After a year went by, her lawyer served me with the mediation papers. Being that I had him most of the time, the mediator said that I should not have been giving her any money. In fact, she should have been giving me money. Of course, to maintain the time I spent with my son and to not make matter worse, I declined and she agreed to leave the visitation schedule alone. The next day I asked her what her intentions where with the money she was supposed to have given me and her reply was that it was none of my business what she does with her money. I simply wanted to open a bank account with it for my son and match whatever she put in. Obviously, she didn't let me explain that to her and things got ugly. She took visitation time away from me that day and her lawyer served me with papers a week later to appear in court for visitation/child support. Between the time of receiving the papers and going to court I made numerous attempts to come to an agreement with her as far as child support and visitation is concerned, but she never had time to talk about it. She had time to travel, do her hair, go to happy hour and hang out with her friends but she never had time to discuss the situation with me.

I did lots of research and talked to lawyers and got quotes and consulting about the case, but I didn't hire a lawyer because that would have meant me losing the apartment. This was a huge mistake. I was nowhere near prepared to represent myself in court. All the research and preparation could not have helped me for my first time representing myself. After it was all said and done, I got minimal visitation, maximum child support, I have to pay half of her lawyer fees, arrears, and half of my sons medical bills that I had no idea existed. I have since then lost my apartment, my credit is shot and I'm struggling to make ends meet. I'm actually thinking about getting a night job to make more money, but than when would I see my son? Meanwhile, she still travels out of state, she redecorated her entire house and she drives a new SUV just like the one I had.