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Our case is in MI

I am the custodial parent. We share legal custody. Dad has alternating weekends. There is no mention in the the order regarding dad taking child out of state.

1) Can dad take her out of state during his visitation without my consent?

How old are the kids? It's a tough situation but you have to put them first. Are these new activities or have they been in them for a while?  You don't want to make them give up something that they really love......Can you find a cub scout troop in YOUR area that you son could attend while he's with you? I think you should  talk with the kids and sit down with a calendar,( like the other poster said) only block out a couple of weeks that is "family" time only. Remember though if you make that rule with them then EVERYBODY should abide by the same standard.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. Divorce/seperation/break up  is never fun. You confused mie a bit in your post when you said "When we went to mediation I thought a 50/50 time split would be the best thing for the kids but have since found out this is not true. Problem is that wife still wants to mediate, and courts here require it, but if she thinks I want anything different, she will become angry and irrational....." Are you saying that you now want sole custody of both children? What happened in mediation that changed your mind?

"She is now working on another big lie that is typical of people with her issues and it could cause several years worth of battling with me loosing access to the kids until straightened out." This should be your biggest worry. If she can pull this off you're done before you start. What is she trying to pin on you?

"The biggest issue I see is what would a judge decide anyway considering the newborn? I would guess 50/50 anyway."
To be honest with you the fact that there is a newborn invovled does complicate things. Is she breastfeeding? That would make things a lot harder for you to get sole custody unless there was some documented abuse or something. Also most of the time judges frown upon having babies shuffled back and forth between homes. Usually there is some type of transition period where the child resides with one parent  and has parenting time with the other that gradually increases with the child's age. They usually won't break up the kids either. One may get the older child more frequently but I don't think that they generally would split custody.

"We planned on leaving here in time to enroll my son in kindergarten but wife filed for divorce after mediation stopped. School in NC has started and my son's education is being harmed as he cannot begin K-1 here due to his age." Sorry to tell you but I doubt that this arguement will hold any water. If your son was like 7 and hadn't entered K-1 then you would have something but to say that because the schools have different cutoff dates "my son's education is being harmed"  is taking it a bit far. That would mean that every single child in the current school district who didn't make the cutt off is going to be somehow hurt. Not likely. You would do better by researching the testing scores and the like in the district that you desire him to attend and hopefully they will be in your favor. Also now that he has missed that schools cutoff date he would still be in the same grade as he will be if he stays in his current distict or where ever he will be enrolled.

"Wife has agreed to allow me to retain the house in NC but without the cash reserves, I will not be able to afford it..." Not good. You have to be pro active in this. If you can't afford that one then you really should be comming up with a plan "B". I mean where would you live with them. How would you afford them. Are you seeking  alimony/support? How much? Even that award could get drug out FOREVER so you need to come up with alternatives.

I hope this was helpful. I'm just giving you my opinion. I was in the same boat not to long ago as a SAHM. Things were a little different because I'm a mom but if your ex has as many emotional probs as you say maybe just maybe......Oh yeah if her temper or outbursts are not documented in a way that they courts deem acceptable then that won't hold weight either. Yup, I've had to deal with that one too.

Are things so bad between you and mom that you can't ask her the teachers' names and direct contact info. Perhaps if the things are truly being blocked a nice trip up to the school to introduce yourself may get the ball rolling. That way you would have the chance to talk to the teachers face to face.

So should I jut let his lost (not having an intrest in her first day....) be his lost? Dh and I do all of her activities and appts. We are both very active and involved. I know that the ex resents dh's involvement but at this point I don't really care. At least dh doesn't have to be prompted to ask about dd schooling and things. For heaven's sake...the man Googled her teacher as soon as we got her room assignment in the mail!  

I ask this question as a mom who has primary custody. BD lives 1 hr away and has EO wknd parenting time. We both know that dd starts school this year. I offered/ invited him to be a part of the school interviewing process and he declined. He has yet to ask anything at all about her school start date, teacher, or even what school she is attending. I don't keep things secret or try to exclude him. He always has something negative to say about how active dh is in dd life yet he doesn't make any effort at all when it comes to staying current with things that don't happen on his visitation. I'm feeling really "put off" (can't think of a better phrase right now) about the idea of possibly having to send him a formal invitation for her first day of school. Right now I'm pretty much feeling like if he cares he would show at least some intrest, regardless how slight, in her schooling. I am getting very frustrated at having to hold his hand and force his attention.

Okay guys how involved in you in your children's school? If you are the NCP do you ask questions, make yourself known to the teachers or do you wait on the CP to fill you in?