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In Suffolk County NY, in July 2005 I was awarded temporary physical custody of my 2 children pending the outcome of a 2 1/2 year custody trial. In September 2005, I came to am agreement with BM to share 50/50 residential custody of both children; 1 week with me, 1 week with BM. In June 2006 a child support magistrate terminated my support payments after BM withdrew her claim to support during the hearing. BM appealed and in September 2006 her appeal was denied.

I am now being sued by Social Services for Welfare benefits BM has been receiving on behalf of our 2 children. BM is engaged and her fiance has a brand car and new motorcycle. They pay $2200 a month rent, have purchased new furniture, a new computer, a 42" plasma and 2 weeks a 2007 car, which they put under her father's name. BM quit her job and has voicemail messages that state she might have a business on the side. Her fiancee works off the books and also has a company website registered to him.

1) What can I expect in this type of hearing?

2) What are the chances I will have to pay out child support?

3) Any advise would be greatly appreciated

Fight for custody?  I finished a 2 1/2 year custody fight that cost me close to $200,000 and got me nowhere.  This system does not allow me to protect my children.  During the last trial she was married to an ex-con who had more than 20 arrests for DOMESTIC VIOLENCE against every ex-girlfriend and 5 ex wives.  He was jailed for 2 1/2 years for beating a pregnant ex.  At the time we were all evaluated and BM was diagnosed as severely sociopathic, Borderline personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, extremely deceptive.... Even with all this and much more they allowed the kids to stay with her and SF until BM filed BOGUS charges against him.  The trial was still never ending so we settled on an "iron-clad"agreement.  BM took me back to court for custody 6 months later as soon as jurisdiction changed and the new judge said we were set for a very long trial and obligated me to pay $5,000 for a new evaluation and BM nothing because she doesn't work and why should she?  She eventually dropped but it is only time before she takes me back.  I have been falsely arrested 2x, proved it and no recourse to her.  I have had CPS called on me at least 3x all unfounded but half of my family no longer speaks to me because they were also named.  My wife is humiliated when she takes are 2 yo to the doctor because last time they left a request for his records from CPS.....
I have wrote letters, called every councilman, DA, assemblyman, senator....... and noone can/will do a thing

It is absolutely ridiculous.  The trial was dragged on and on with nonsense stalling tactics by BM's lawyer.  The referee only would say please move it along.  We were exhausted emotionally and financially (close to $200,000) and thus came to the 50/50 agreement.

BM was not charged with welfare fraud, at least not yet.  She applied for welfare benefits for the children since CS was terminated.  Rather than looking up the court order or investigating at all, welfare has been apparantly paying her.  They are now suing BF for the money.  I am sure social services has no knowledge of the 50/50 living arrangement and may not of the court order terminating support.  I'm not quite sure why the various agencies are not somehow connected.  I hope this is all just another waste of time.  BM seems to be doing fine, shopping, new cars yet she never works.

I was under the impression once a cs case is ruled on you can not bring it up again for 3 years.  First, she immediately appealed the CS decision and was denied and now she found yet another loop hole in the system to cost us further attorney fees, lost wages, etc...  

In Suffolk County NY, in July 2005 I was awarded temporary physical custody of my 2 children pending the outcome of a 2 1/2 year custody trial.  In September 2005, I came to am agreement with BM to share 50/50 residential custody of both children; 1 week with me, 1 week with BM. In June 2006 a child support magistrate terminated my support payments after BM withdrew her claim to support during the hearing.  BM appealed and in September 2006 her appeal was denied.

I am now being sued by Social Services for Welfare benefits BM has been receiving on behalf of our 2 children.  BM is engaged and her fiance has a brand car and new motorcycle.  They pay $2200 a month rent, have purchased new furniture, a new computer, a 42" plasma and 2 weeks a 2007 car, which they put under her father's name.  BM quit her job and has voicemail messages that state she might have a business on the side.  Her fiancee works off the books and also has a company website registered to him.

1)  What can I expect in this type of hearing?

2)  What are the chances I will have to pay out child support?

3)  Any advise would be greatly appreciated

I was divorced in 2002 and we reside in NY.  BM has had me falsely arrested 2x in another county. I accepted an ACD the 1st and was exonerated the 2nd.  She purgered herself throughout the trial and I have the transcript but the statute of limitations has run out.  In the past 3 years, she has filed 3 ACS reports agianst myself, my wife, naming our son and an elderly family member.  All closed unfounded and I have the reports. I have never had any other troubles with the law in my life.

Many of the ACS reports are allegations BM claims the children have made to her but 2 GALS found the children were untruthful and a forensics evaluation report documents the children have been coached by BM.
 
I was awarded a small claims judgement of $6,000 with the arrest but she has no equity and changes jobs every 3 months.  

BM's 2nd husband spent 6 months in jail and is currently back in jail awaiting charges similar to the allegation made against my familty and myself.  However, he has an extensive criminal background.

We spent many years on trial and have spent in excess of $165,000 in court fees and she keeps taking us back to court with no repercussions. I won custody in the interim of a trial but was forced to end it with a agreement of 50/50.

1)  The police wont do anything, can we go straight to the DA?

2)  Would it make much of a differnece if we showed up without our lawyer?

3)  Any advise on how to get the law to intervene before my families lives are completely destroyed?

We are on a waiting list for a therapist.  Many out here don't want to know us once I mention all the court stuff/false reporting.  I feel this is something I must mention because BM will undoubtedly have them lie to the therapist and they need to know this and why. The children will never give up their mother or grandmother, ever, they defend them to the end.  But 2 GAL's and a forensics evalautor felt BM coached them and documented such.

We went for full custody with supervised.  The first trail went on and on for close to 3 years and cost $165,000 and that does not include lost wages. The judge granted DH residential custody but only temporary in the interim of the trial. We went for all the testings, counseling, etc. but the judge refused to put a cap on the trial and BM was not going to rest her case.  She is also very skilled at distracting the courts and dragging things on forever.  So we finally settleed on the 50/50 with stipulations that have not been followed ut in order to get a useless piece of paper that say contempt we must go forward woth a long trial.

The 2nd time BM dragged us back into a different jurisdiction, she had to move near us on a bogus change of circumstance (the kids lied about). This just one month after the stip was signed on the last trial.  After the GAL read the forensics evaluation from the first trial out loud, the judge said he had serious concerns with the mother and there was going to be a very long trial, that would cost alot of money and someone would end up with full, sole while the other would have supervised.  He ordered yet another round of testing and allowed BM's portion to be paid by the state and we would have to come up with at least 10's of thousands more, we said no way financially and emotionally, before we could BM withdrew and we followed suit.
 
We have made many many attempts at calmly reasoning with the kids telling them we do not tolerate the lies.  But they seem unaffecting by reasoning and only show emotion when we are truely upset/angry.  This has been going on for years.
I agree they need counseling I'm just discouraged that it will just be another emottional battle and I am tired.

What kind of court help?  We have already had it court ordered numerous times they attend counseling.  For one BM cannot follow a court order and for a judge to find her in contempt we need to A) show up for court on numerous days and loose money. B) pay a lawyer.  BM will file counters and then a trial will begin again...
At best she will be found in contempt, a useless piece of paper that will not bother her one bit. We already have these.

When they went to counseling they would lie to the couselor and BM and her lawyer would beg the judge to allow the counselor to testify which we made part of the  stip from the beginning. Then we would need to come in and the story would change but the counselor said there was many reasons they could have changed their story one being they do not feel comfortable around us.  This was a counselor that came recommended by the GAL. There would be more hurt feelings.  Of course this was before we had the foremsics evaluation on hand but I just don;t want ot hear it anymore, I am hurt and tired. So still I met with the school counselor myself when through our insurance book and called everyone at least twice. I met with someone 2x and we are on a waiting list at 2 places, most don't want to be bothered.  I am working harder than both parents and I will always be the evil step-mom.

We share 50/50 on our weeks I pick them up from school and drop them off, I help with their homework, I put SS in tutoring last year (BM refused to take him on her weeks), I plan their parties and buy their gifts.  DH works alot to provide for us so I feel this is the least I can do.  But I give him hell and I feel bad for that.

I do not want to be the one that pushed him, I am hoping he makes the decision on his own otherwise he will resent me.  I want my amrriage ot work and we have a young son (21mo) who loves his siter and brother.

Why is life so difficult....

In my case, BM has filed numerous reports with ACS.  She coaches the kids to lie and they do.  DH was 2x arrested the scariest thing I have ever had to deal with. Yes, we keep proving ourselves time and again, a not guilty and 3 unfoundeds but she now names our 2 yo son in the reports. I have to be investigated, they even contact my sons doctor.  The kids are fine when they are here but when they are not they lie about me, their daddy, their brother...  

Just this past summer, BM made allegations that our 18mo bit the 7yo and he is afraid to come here.  That my son is a cannibal because I still breastfeed him. The kids said I verbally attacked them in a park when they were with the grandmother: I spewed threats and profanities: they hate me so much because I am so mean they never want to see their father again.  They told this to a police officer, a gal and ACS case workers.  None of this ever happened. And when they were here they acted as if nothing ever happened.

Last year SD said DH and I failed to protect her 2x from an 85yo 2 time stroke victim that she said molested her. She was very graphic to the detective at the police station and the ACS caseworkers and her therapist and even named the granddaughter even though noone believed her.

How do you face the children when it is so easy to lie whether they have been coached currently or not?  what will stop them in the future from doing this all by themselves and what next, who next?  

How in the world can I disengage from this?

I, too am a very strong believer in karma.  I just can't seem to wait.  I want to go to the DA and beg and plead to prosecute.  I am awaiting the official reports for ACS and they are taking forever.  I dont want to be a victim for the rest of my life either.

I/We confronted the kids this eve on the latest allegations. It turned out way worse then I thought and then they spoke with their mother and i asked them to tell her what they lied about and they wouldn't.  They eventually apologized but I didn''t want that.  I got angry and just wanted them to realize that lieing can hurt, that it is illegal to file false reports and people go to jail eventually (hopefully) for doing so.  To be very careful what they wish for because the next time they say they never want to see us again it might come true.  Oops, am I terrible...

How do they grow up to know any better when they have no repercussions?

I'm at a loss, my sit is very similar.  We have been taken to court by BM many times. BM always comes out with less, she was CP and then DH was awarded CP we couldn't afford the fight anymore so we settled on 50/50. She was still offered CS but it wasn't enough so went back to court and now she gets nothing. So she took us back to court less than a year later for full and the judge ordered a new trial aftyr reading the old evaluation and said one would walk away with supervised after this, looking at her, she dropped her case unitl next time...
 
BM was diagnosed with BPD, Anti Social PD, severly sociopathic and extremely deceptive in fact it was said she scored off the charts on the testing, "higher than a criminal"  We have had numerous false reports filed against us. Some members of my husbands family have nothing more to do with us. Most recently, the children have lied that I verbally assaulted them in a park.  They went into detail of this to police, GAL and ACS.  They said they hate me, I am mean and they never want to see myself or their father again.  They were kept from us on these allegations from 6 weeks. They came back like nothing ever happened.
They told these same people our son (18mo at the time)is not their brother and they are afraid of him because he bit them.

Last year, SD said she was molested, by a relative who is physically incapable.  She said this to a detective, a counselor and ACS and was able at 8yo to be extrmeely graphic, noone believed her story but this makes me sick.  When we called SD counselor for an emergency appointment the counselor stated she was not at all tramatized. SD's response "mommy will believe me no matter what I say"

A few months ago, BM asked for a new insurance card, we told her she was not entitled to it and we would fax it to the doctors if need be (She used the old one as ID to secure a $5000 loan under DH's name). Exactly 2 days later it was missing out of DH's wallet that SD had access too.

When SD was getting ready to go to BM I found most of our sons wet bath toys wrapped around her clothes she stole to give to her little sister at BM's, when we confronted her, BM said how dare we turn our backs on her when she made a small mistake.  I also was mad at them forgetting their father's day gifts for the 3rd year in a row. Almost immediately after this BM filed an ACS report against us and went to court to get our visitation suspended pending the completion of the investigation.

BM is a criminal, she has purgered herself more times than I can count.  She has filed false reports and even had DH arrested 2x.  Her 2nd husband is sitting in a Rikers awaiting trial and served 6 months last year.  She is living with a 3rd guy and they have only been divorced since 2002.

My fear is these kids will grow up to be sociopathic, Anti-social criminals themselves and I have a son I need to worry about. I worry about my marriage and my own sanity.
How many false allegations, lies, stealing are we to put up with. And who and what next? Yes, they act happy here but SD especially is constantly spying and then telling these terrible stories.  She can be very cold and very manipulative.

We have spent nearly $200,000 in court fees and 10s of thousands more in lost wages. When is enough, enough.  We had them in therapy and they would lie to the therapist.  The therapist refused to make any determination in either direction, just stating there are a number of reasons they may have lied.  We were on a few waiting list for another but that is more time, more money and more defending ourselves.

I want to know when enough is enough before i lose it all......