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Our BM swore that HER house could never be the cause of lice so HER daughter had to be getting them from our house.  Didn't matter that the three children at our house didn't have lice until after SD came to visit or that we would get rid of it at our house but each time we found it on SD it was a full blown infestation that could not have happened in the hour car ride in took to get to our house.   
BM even went so far to say HER daughter was getting it from our horses as there was no way that HER daughter got it from HER house.  (BM has this special way of putting emphasis on the word "her" when she speaks of SD as if DH had no involvement in SD creation)
When the daycare that HER daughter eventually fessed up to having wigs in their dress up box and that most of the kids in the daycare had been trading lice back and forth for months, do you think we got a "sorry"?  Yeah, sure.
This will pass.  It's a huge pain in the.....head....while it's happening, but like the previous posters said, if the courts worried over lice, no one would keep their kids.   Hang tough.

That is AWESOME!  To finally see the end of the CS journey. 

We have four years to go.  Somedays that seems like forever but other days, when we look back at all we've been through with BM, it seems like nothing!

Congratulations of the countdown beginning!!

I have to jump in here and say that the OP was given several different suggestions as to how to serve him without it happening at work (have a friend following him home or pay a private investigator to get you his address. They probably can get the info online fast without even following him, in the parking lot going in or out of work, ask that the server following him from work and serve him at home or wherever he stops next.) so I don't see where blaming this boad and using foul language to do so makes any sense.

On Feb 10, 2011, 05:22:49 am (according to the time stamp on my view of the board) you were not going to serve him at work because you didn't want him to get fired.  By Feb 10, 2011, 10:10:13 pm (again, my time stamp view) you had had him served, he was fired, you found out about the firing and posted here.

If you found out that he lost his job so quickly, you must have a pretty good way of keeping tabs on him so I find it hard to believe you couldn't serve him any other way. 

Coming back here after making the choice to serve him at his work and complaining that the posters here were at fault does not make sense.

Actually, this whole thing just doesn't make sense to me.

I have sole custody of my two children.  We go on a trip to Mexico every other year.  I've had all kinds of trouble no matter how prepared I am with all my paperwork.

My favorite (sarcasm) was when I showed the flight attendant at the gate my custody paperwork.  It showed me as having sole legal and physical custody and bio-dad paying child support.  The flight attendant said "If he is paying child support, he has some custody so you need his notarized signature."

"No, I have full custody as shown right here in the official court paperwork"

"Well, I don't think that's fair.  He should have custody if he's paying support.  You'll have to talk to my supervisor."

What the hell?  Why in the hell does your opinion matter at all flight attendant?!??!   Luckily, the supervisor said "Have a nice flight" as soon as she saw my paperwork and we were the last folks loaded on the plane.


My other favorite was trying to get back into the states from Mexico.  After giving them all the paperwork (two different divorces between us and three different custody situations with his, mine and ours children) we ended up with a huge crowd of Mexican officials speaking rapid Spanish and pointing at us a lot.   Finally, after about 20 minutes, one of the officials came over and said we could go.

When I asked what the problem was so we could avoid it next time she said "Some of them had a hard time believing you were really from the states because you have so many children.  We usually only see Mexican's with that many kids."    I thought she was joking but another offical said the same thing to us.    lol   We only have four kids total.

APPENDIX IX-B
USE OF THE CHILD SUPPORT GUIDELINES
(Includes Amendments Through Those Effective September 1, 2004)

Line 9
Adding Health Insurance Costs for the Child to the Basic Obligation

Enter the parent's weekly cost of health insurance for the child for whom support is being determined on Line 9. If the parent's weekly marginal cost is unknown at the time of the hearing, use the per capita cost of a family policy at the parent's place of work. Do not include health insurance costs for adults or other dependents.

Since the cost of health insurance for children is excluded from the Appendix IX-F child support schedules, a parent's contributions to a health insurance policy which includes the child for whom support is being determined must be added to the basic support amount. Only the parent's cost of adding the child to the health insurance (medical and dental) policy is added to the basic support amount (i.e., the marginal premium cost to the parent to add the child to the policy).

If the parent who is providing the health insurance has no proof of the cost of adding the child to the health insurance policy, the parent's total premium cost should be divided by the number of persons covered by the policy (per capita). The result is then multiplied by the number of children for whom support is being determined to obtain the child's estimated share of the health insurance cost.

For example, if the parent's total health insurance cost is $60 per week and there are four persons covered by the policy (the parent, the two children who are the subjects of the support order, and a new spouse), the per capita health insurance cost for the two children is $30 (($60 ÷ 4 persons = $15) × 2 children = $30). If both parents provide health insurance for the child, each parent's marginal cost of adding the child to the policy should be added together to determine the total health insurance cost for the child.

If the cost of the health insurance policy is unknown at the time of the support establishment hearing, the parent may apply for a modification of the support order when such information becomes available.


So, it looks like you can divide by six to figure out what you owe.  Also, if he carries her on his insurance, he should get credit for that as well.

I live in MN but the papers are signed in AK.  My DH has an ex and a child support order and his says 50% of medical premiums but neither of them pay as they both have family plans.

I have to be honest, I think your lawyer is wrong.  And, before you get "C" on her own policy, I would check out what that would cost.  I bet that is A LOT more expensice than what 1/6 or even 1/4 of a family plan would be.

Depending on what kind of money you are talking about, I would weigh my options.

A:  Pay what she is asking (Not a good idea, sets a precident for her to be unreasonable in the future)

B:  Pay what you think is right and let her decide if she wants to fight over the difference

C:  Don't pay anything because she isn't paying anything extra to have the child on the policy.  

I'd pick C, send her a certified letter telling her why you aren't going to pay her extra, and then let her decide if she wants to pay a lawyer to fight you for it.

Have you looked in your state code for an description of what the law says is due?  AK's spells it out clearly that it is over and above what you would have to pay anyway.  I would really be questioning my lawyer as to why you have to pay for a family policy they already have to have.

Good Luck.

To be honest, I wouldn't pay anything if they have a family plan and several other children.  

Our court order says we split 50/50 all costs that are above and beyond what we pay for our family minus the children on this court order.  So, I have two other children besides the ones on this court order so I need the family plan anyway so my X pays nothing towards my insurance costs.

That is what the courts said.  If I were you, I'd take it back to court for a clarification.  You should be able to file something very easily pro-se to get a clarification on this issue.  

Try posting on the Dear Socrateaser board for more help.  

I wouldn't pay a dime for a family policy for an ex spouse that has more kids and I'm the CP in my situation.

Good luck!!

My ex and I have agreed to change the support amount.  We have both looked and can't seem to find a way to just have something written up to jointly submit for a judge's signature.

All the resourses we can find say we have to fill out the same paperwork we used for the divorce, submit it, wait two to four months and then have the hearing on it.  

Surely, there has to be an easier way when both parties agree.

Anyone???

Divorced in Anchorage Superior Court, Alaska.  NCP still lives there.  2 children involved.

We have agreed on a child support modification.  We woud like to file a pro se joint motion to modify.  No one in AK seems to be able to tell us how.  They say we need to fill out the same forms we did for the divorce and then follow the same process until hearing in 2-4 months.

We would like to avoid me serving him, him responding, hearing, judge making decision.

1.  Could you give example wording of a support modification order that we could submit to have the judge sign instead of going through the whole process?

Thanks for all you do.

I know it sucks but the truth is, there isn't much you can do about the bad mouthing.  Yes, you might be able to get a court order to tell them to stop it, but that wont make them stop.

My DH's divorce has the standard "Neither parent shall denigrate the other parent....blah, blah, blah."  BM and SF still called DH "the bad man" as in "We're sorry the bad man is taking you away from us." or "I know you hate the bad man but the court is making us send you with him."

You can't stop them from doing it so you need to work on your end of it.  

Talk to the children about how much it hurts to have mean things said about you when they aren't true.  

Tell them you are sorry that they are hearing such things and you are very glad they can talk to you about it.

NEVER, EVER engage in the same type of behavior.  The kids will learn the difference between you and the other so called adults.  They will feel safe with you because you don't react to/act like the other people.

Show them by your actions that you are NOT what the other people say you are.

Do not talk about the other household.  Let them know that they can talk to you about their worries/fears or good things that happened to them but you will not listen/participate in gossip about the other family.  Something like "I'm glad you feel you can talk to me/us but we don't talk about other people's situations."  Something age appropriate.  I'm sure other posters will have better resposes to that kind of thing.

Remember, you will drive yourself mad trying to make them act like better people.  They obviously aren't mature reasonable adults and nothing you do will make it so.  Just handle it when you are in your household/during your parenting time and hope that your message of love and acceptance will win out in the end.

Our battle with this has been going on for 8 years.  It is so much better now than it was.  It takes time, patience and perseverence but is worth it.  My SD doesn't believe any of the stuff that BM and SF say about us and they have actually stopped saying most of it now.

Good luck!