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:)  Of course it would do no good- but it would sure make me feel great :)

would really miss him if he didn't see him? He just seems like he does such a piss-poor job of engaging any of his kids in a meaningful relationship...I just wonder if it would make it better for Z to not deal with him and be put in these unsafe situations.

I can't imagine telling someone I was too busy to talk about my kid!!

if Z would be better without him...I know it would hurt him on some level-- but it scares me to think of what's next with the lack of supervision...he just doesn't seem to be interested in being a father - it would just scare me to think of the things that COULD happen as Z got older....

We miss you on the other board.

Regarding your question- you know the answer. You have done more than humanely possible to facilitate the relationship between R and Z.  R is a jackass and blaming you for his shortcomings-- and if you doubt yourself, you're allowing him to win.  Don't. YOU know you've done as much as you can. Even if you were try to do more, it won't be enough and it will still be your fault.

I'd work more with Z on helping him realize that not everyone will be there for him like Mommy is.  It's something I'm trying to work on with SD- she can't rely on her mother like she should be able to. Same things seems to stand with Z for his father.

There really is only so much you can do.  HE has to want to do it. Instead it seems like he wants to make you a scapegoat. Don't let him.

i don't know what to tell you about r, it just seems he's continuing to be a lousy father...poor z :(

Send her a letter stating that you would like to see child on X date at X time and if that is not possible, to contact you to make arrangements. That in itself isn't going to make her let you see child, BUT it will show the court that you have tried to be reasonable and made repeated attempts to try and see child. Keep sending requests for time (obviously keep a copy!)  This helped us immensely when we were in court.

Courts don't like seeing $ and getting to see the kid tied together- I can't imagine that's gonna fare well for her!

Hi Kathy,

I'm also in NY, and have gone through custody proceedings twice.  Our case was in Supreme Court too...my advice for when you revise the current agreement is to make sure you guys ask for the moon...ask for things you know you will never get-- and then you have some bargaining room.

When we were in court the first time, school was an issue, bec the court didn't want to change things up.  The second time we were in court, SD had been in school for 2 weeks of that school year but they still changed custody...my point in telling you that is that your BM is going to have to have some GREAT reasons why she's uprooting these kids, from dad and everything they know, bec from my experience they like to keep status quo!!

Good luck:)