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though it may only be at certain times of the year. However, when my son was in Elementary school in VA I was able to eat lunch with him any time I wanted as long as it was cleared by the office first.

I am assuming by the undertone of the article the dad has a difficult time being involved in his kids' education due to custody issues? If that is the case there may be other circumstances that are involved. I do know that the school my children attends prefers that visitation exchanges not take place at the school, but it is a private school so they have a bit more latitude in that area.

Most of the folks that I know in VA share transport for visits. A friend of mine lived in another state when going through her VA divorce and she provides half transport for the twice a month visits with the dad who still resides in VA. So it seems typical unless you reach an agreement that states otherwise.

I moved away from VA before we filed (long story). But, we just completed our custody agreement and I had it written into that the ex provides all transportation to and from visits.

I was in NoVA and that is where my divorce is going forward.

Her allowing you to leave, alone with the child will directly speak against her "fear that you are an unfit parent" based on what my atty has told me.