This is long. I need some advice on how to proceed with a divorce. I'm 35, married for 7.5 years. We had a baby nearly five years ago and my wife went back to work after 3 months. I've been the stay at home parent since. We lived in NC where my wife traveled out of town overnight for work since my son was about 2 yrs old. Then when he was about 3, we moved to another state as a career move for her. Our house in NC never sold and we left it empty. We planned on returning to that area within two years so we ended up pulling the house from the market. In fact, we moved ½ of our belongings into the NC house in Oct 2005 and the rest in April '06. We are renting a partially furnished house now.
Well, In Jan of this year, discovered wife having affair with coworker since July '05. She had been pregnant since Oct '05 and paternity tests indicate the baby (5 wks old now) is mine.
We tried counselling but she blamed me for affair and make many hurtful comments along the way.
We planned on leaving here in time to enroll my son in kindergarten but wife filed for divorce after mediation stopped. School in NC has started and my son's education is being harmed as he cannot begin K-1 here due to his age.
When we went to mediation I thought a 50/50 time split would be the best thing for the kids but have since found out this is not true. Problem is that wife still wants to mediate, and courts here require it, but if she thinks I want anything different, she will become angry and irrational (there is a potential mental health issue here).
That might not be so bad but she has concocted stories in the past, going so far as to call police telling them I was trying to kidnap my son (this was never discussed so I don't know why she ever thought this). Meanwhile, she was loading him and luggage into the car while the cops were questioning me and she would not tell me where she was going. She is now working on another big lie that is typical of people with her issues and it could cause several years worth of battling with me loosing access to the kids until straightened out.
If my wife had not just given birth (she is also getting laid off which does not help me), it would be a simple case where I would get custody and she would get every other weekend. Now with a new born, everything is up in the air.
Currently, we are spending way more than we are earning in rent, a mortgage payment and car payments not to mention legal fees. If a divorce takes 6 months via litigation, we will have drained much of our money reserves. Wife has agreed to allow me to retain the house in NC but without the cash reserves, I will not be able to afford it (since I have been out of work for over 4 years, it will take time for me to produce enough income to afford the house and if we nearly run out of cash, I will likely not make it).
Wife has verfied income until end of Oct and she is trying to find a house to buy in the same town in NC. If she does not close by Oct she will have to go undocumented and put 30% down (which she will not have if we litigate).
So, if I mediate and agree to 50/50 custody and time split, stability will occur quickly and we will have a farily peaceful divorce. Litigation will produce instability for quite some time and the judge may order our house in NC to be sold which will cause more hardship for my son and several more moves over the years until I can afford a house.
The biggest issue I see is what would a judge decide anyway considering the newborn? I would guess 50/50 anyway. Which case, there is no point spending all of our money and creating so many problems by litigating.
Opinions and direction please.
Well, In Jan of this year, discovered wife having affair with coworker since July '05. She had been pregnant since Oct '05 and paternity tests indicate the baby (5 wks old now) is mine.
We tried counselling but she blamed me for affair and make many hurtful comments along the way.
We planned on leaving here in time to enroll my son in kindergarten but wife filed for divorce after mediation stopped. School in NC has started and my son's education is being harmed as he cannot begin K-1 here due to his age.
When we went to mediation I thought a 50/50 time split would be the best thing for the kids but have since found out this is not true. Problem is that wife still wants to mediate, and courts here require it, but if she thinks I want anything different, she will become angry and irrational (there is a potential mental health issue here).
That might not be so bad but she has concocted stories in the past, going so far as to call police telling them I was trying to kidnap my son (this was never discussed so I don't know why she ever thought this). Meanwhile, she was loading him and luggage into the car while the cops were questioning me and she would not tell me where she was going. She is now working on another big lie that is typical of people with her issues and it could cause several years worth of battling with me loosing access to the kids until straightened out.
If my wife had not just given birth (she is also getting laid off which does not help me), it would be a simple case where I would get custody and she would get every other weekend. Now with a new born, everything is up in the air.
Currently, we are spending way more than we are earning in rent, a mortgage payment and car payments not to mention legal fees. If a divorce takes 6 months via litigation, we will have drained much of our money reserves. Wife has agreed to allow me to retain the house in NC but without the cash reserves, I will not be able to afford it (since I have been out of work for over 4 years, it will take time for me to produce enough income to afford the house and if we nearly run out of cash, I will likely not make it).
Wife has verfied income until end of Oct and she is trying to find a house to buy in the same town in NC. If she does not close by Oct she will have to go undocumented and put 30% down (which she will not have if we litigate).
So, if I mediate and agree to 50/50 custody and time split, stability will occur quickly and we will have a farily peaceful divorce. Litigation will produce instability for quite some time and the judge may order our house in NC to be sold which will cause more hardship for my son and several more moves over the years until I can afford a house.
The biggest issue I see is what would a judge decide anyway considering the newborn? I would guess 50/50 anyway. Which case, there is no point spending all of our money and creating so many problems by litigating.
Opinions and direction please.