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thanks for sharing your experience.  i actually wrote him an email last night, and he's in san diego today to be with me.  

my biggest problem isn't that i want the ex gone, cuz i know that will never ever happen, but i just really want him to stand up for himself, because he's worth more than that.  

we'll see how it goes, and i'll keep you guys posted.  thanks for the support.  it was very comforting, especially right now.

Yeah - I think so.

Sadly enough, I am starting to realize that the dead-end that I thought I saw was a complete reality.  

It just sucks that it happened during our relationship, instead of starting before I was involved   :(  

Sometimes we ask questions we don't want the answers to.  Today, I asked that question.

While we both admit that he has no legal ties to his two step-children, he's helped to raise them for the past ten years and they do consider him their father.  I'm okay with him helping to support them, especially considering the fact that their biological father isn't able to help out more financially.  One child actually lives with his biological father in Arizona, the other lives with my boyfriend right now.   And prior to our move, we were well off enough financially to help take care of them.  

With regard to him still being in love with her, I have gone back and forth with this many times, even asking him point blank.  He, of course, denies it, and I'd have to say that I believe him.  I don't think he does anything in an attempt to win her love, I think she's a master manipulator and knows how to play into his "Superman" complex.  

She uses the word "family" a lot to gain ground.  She calls herself, her sister and the rest of her family that in relation to my boyfriend.  His family is of no importance, mostly because they see through her.  She has been civil to me, to my face, but about a month ago, right around the time I moved back down to San Diego, she said a lot of things that made me think that she's not ready to let go of him.  She called me insecure, said I was a free-loader and had a lot of comments with regard to "how little I contribute to the household".  Of course, her comments had nothing to do with my move, and he did defend me, but it really made me think that while all this time I had been thinking that he was trying to somehow prove himself to her, the situation was really her not wanting to lose control of him.  

I love him with all of my heart, and always will, regardless of what comes of this situation.  What I really want is to help him to recognize the depth of her manipulations.  I mean, the woman calls herself his
"friend", and yet, because of all of the sacrifices he has made for her, he's half the man he was three months ago.  He's depressed, he's lost weight, he's not sleeping right, and I am starting to think that he might be suicidal.

Bottom line:  I love him, unconditionally, and what I want right now is some kind of hope.  Not for "us", but for him.  I've accepted the fact that I may never have the relationship with him that I once did.  I just need some kind of hope that he'll be okay.  That he will pull out of this, and be himself once again.  That he will smile, and laugh, and get healthy again.  Maybe gain some weight back and get a good night's sleep.  Have a good relationship with his kids, and be able to provide for them.  She's already screwed him over once, when they divorced.  I've pretty much stood by and let her do it again, because I was caught up in her manipulation, too.  I feel guilty that I couldn't stop it, and now all I want is to fix it.

Hi All.  Let me start by saying I am very thankful for this board as my boyfriend and I are going through a lot right now, and it's nice to see the support you give each other.  

We have a situation that's more drama than a soap opera, and it's basically become all consuming for us.

My boyfriend was with his ex-wife for ten years.  She has two children from a previous marriage, and they have one daughter together who is six years old.  

They separated and divorced five years ago, when their daughter was less than two years old, and since then, my boyfriend has completely maintained his custody (they both share 50/50) and contributed financially to his ex and her other two children.  He has gone above and beyond in my opinion, attempting to maintain a friendly, positive relationship with her, and the children.  He's always been there when needed, and has basically supported his ex-wife financially for the past year.  

He and I have been dating for about a year, and were friends for a year prior to our relationship.  We had extensive discussions about the situation that he is in, especially with regard to his ex-wife.  She's a manipulator, and she's basically got him by the b*lls because she has threatened to have his custodial rights terminated, and he is wafraid she will succeed.  (He would probably win full custody in my opinion, but she's got him convinced that "fathers never win")

I love my boyfriend and his children, and they're an important part of my life.  Unfortunately, the sacrifices he continues to make for the ex concern me, mostly because a recent turn of events (including moving to Central California to be near his kids and financial contributions to her floundering business) has caused him to become very depressed.  We are no longer living together, and it concerns me even more because he is severly depressed and locked into this situation because of fear, and her now constant manipulation about his "family".  

What I need help with is this:  All I really want to do is get my boyfriend back, and help him to regain what he has lost financially and emotionally so that he can continue to be a terrific father to his children.  If I can convince him to come back down to San Diego temporarily with me, how can we maintain custody/financial support, and have it documented in case she does decide to sue him??  And how can I prevent her from using his current depression against him, as she's the cause of it?

Any help, info, support you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!!

Jamie