Wow - that really hit a nerve with me. I'm really happy that you feel that way and that you feel the mother of your child will use that money to take wonderful care of your child. But what if as in my case - (a stepmom to my husband who has a 12-year-old), the mom doesn't take care of the child? She barely sees her, and we are fighting for custody tooth and nail while the child gets emotionally abused and DOESN'T get the things that she needs? Even though, with the child support my husband paid out last year - the ex made more than my husband? Why are we paying child support and then also paying for a mother to neglect her child? My husband's daughter never sees one red cent that we pay her - and we pay her a small fortune each month. So while you are happy to pay to your stbx, our experience is not as wonderful as yours.
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#2
Second Families / RE: Took me a long time but . . .
Oct 20, 2006, 06:58:39 AM
Thank you hagatha ... I'm in a similar situation. I'm the "documenter". And thank you everyone for your comments. I'm new here (10-19-06) and it's really nice to know that there are other people in the same situation and what you do about it.
#3
Second Families / Any Stepmoms out there dealing with nasty exes?
Oct 19, 2006, 05:39:26 PM
Question for you - how do you do it? How do you put it aside and forget about it so you can go on with your own life? Especially when the ex keeps doing awful things?
#4
Father's Issues / Family needs help in Michigan
Oct 19, 2006, 04:59:54 PM
I recently married a wonderful man who has a 12-year-old daughter. We just took his ex-wife to court for custody of her (he currently only sees her one day a week and every other weekend) for many reasons which include (but certainly are not limited to):
1) Daughter was spending the majority of time at grandmothers' house due to mom working 3rd shift
2) Daughter did not have own bed, nor any space in grandmothers' house - 3 children lived in one room (aunt, uncle, and their 3 children also lived in house).
3) Daughter was left alone for 3 nights with mom's new boyfriend while she worked 3rd shift after she only knew him for 7 weeks. Daughter was not comfortable with this (and neither were we!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nor were we informed ...)
4) Daughter is failing out of school and mother thinks "it will be good for her". Teachers have told us she WILL fail the 6th grade. She receives no help at home for her studies.
5) Mom and live-in boyfriend smoke 1-2 packs a day and daughter has had ear problems from birth. Doctor has always said (in writing) not to smoke around the daughter, as it increases her problems.
6) Mom withholds daughter "at will". Has no problem telling us that she is the custodial parent and she will decide when we get to see her. We have filed reports - she then lies and says we are alcoholics and give the daughter wine and beer and that is why she does not allow her to come over.
7) Mom does not take daughter to doctors' to take care of medical issues. She has had a few problems that need to be taken care of for the past 7 months. She also has not taken her when she has had a 104 degree fever.
We first appealed to the Friend of the Court. The FOC said that custody should be joint physical - meaning that every other week we switch. The FOC investigator also contacted us and told us to have the judge talk to my husband's daughter during the trial - the investigator said that she thought the judge would give us sole custody based on her findings.
When we appeared in court, the judge dismissed everything above. He didn't even give the ex a slap on the wrist. He said he had to go by precedence, and precedence said it "had not been enough time". He also said that there didn't seem to be a change in circumstance, since the daughter had been living in this crazy circumstance (sharing a bed, spending every day and night - seeing mom only for 1 hour per day if that) since the divorce.
Now the ex thinks she has the ability to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. The judge didn't even see a problem with the daughter spending 3 nights with some random man! Now she spends every night with him while mom works. So instead of grandma babysitting her, now this random man is.
The ex won't let us ever call or talk to the daughter, we can't find out anything medically - we aren't given any information EVER. It is so frustrating, and my husband - who tries to be as involved as humanly possible - is being treated like some sperm donor.
I would like to know - what constitiutes a "change of circumstance" so we CAN get this in front of a judge again and to our favor? Will failing 6th grade be a change of circumstance? How long is enough time for the judge to see the mom is screwing up?
1) Daughter was spending the majority of time at grandmothers' house due to mom working 3rd shift
2) Daughter did not have own bed, nor any space in grandmothers' house - 3 children lived in one room (aunt, uncle, and their 3 children also lived in house).
3) Daughter was left alone for 3 nights with mom's new boyfriend while she worked 3rd shift after she only knew him for 7 weeks. Daughter was not comfortable with this (and neither were we!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nor were we informed ...)
4) Daughter is failing out of school and mother thinks "it will be good for her". Teachers have told us she WILL fail the 6th grade. She receives no help at home for her studies.
5) Mom and live-in boyfriend smoke 1-2 packs a day and daughter has had ear problems from birth. Doctor has always said (in writing) not to smoke around the daughter, as it increases her problems.
6) Mom withholds daughter "at will". Has no problem telling us that she is the custodial parent and she will decide when we get to see her. We have filed reports - she then lies and says we are alcoholics and give the daughter wine and beer and that is why she does not allow her to come over.
7) Mom does not take daughter to doctors' to take care of medical issues. She has had a few problems that need to be taken care of for the past 7 months. She also has not taken her when she has had a 104 degree fever.
We first appealed to the Friend of the Court. The FOC said that custody should be joint physical - meaning that every other week we switch. The FOC investigator also contacted us and told us to have the judge talk to my husband's daughter during the trial - the investigator said that she thought the judge would give us sole custody based on her findings.
When we appeared in court, the judge dismissed everything above. He didn't even give the ex a slap on the wrist. He said he had to go by precedence, and precedence said it "had not been enough time". He also said that there didn't seem to be a change in circumstance, since the daughter had been living in this crazy circumstance (sharing a bed, spending every day and night - seeing mom only for 1 hour per day if that) since the divorce.
Now the ex thinks she has the ability to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. The judge didn't even see a problem with the daughter spending 3 nights with some random man! Now she spends every night with him while mom works. So instead of grandma babysitting her, now this random man is.
The ex won't let us ever call or talk to the daughter, we can't find out anything medically - we aren't given any information EVER. It is so frustrating, and my husband - who tries to be as involved as humanly possible - is being treated like some sperm donor.
I would like to know - what constitiutes a "change of circumstance" so we CAN get this in front of a judge again and to our favor? Will failing 6th grade be a change of circumstance? How long is enough time for the judge to see the mom is screwing up?
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