Messages

Please hang in there for your step-son's sake.  He is going to need your family and his Dad more than ever as he becomes a teenager.  I know it is painful to be hurt over and over.  It is horrible to watch the one you love get walked on.  But know that sticking it out for your step son is the right thing to do.    Don't ever bad-mouth Mom.  Just keep doing what you know is best.  Your step-son will see who he can count on.

You and your soon to be husband are the adults.   Please keep doing whatever you can to make it work. 

Miss you!

You know that you have done more than enough to facillitate his relationship.  He really is just whining.

Keep putting your son first and everything will be ok!

she is not following the current order at all.

His daughter deserves a relationship with her father and the mother's games are preventing that.

Good luck!

Send a certified letter along the lines of this:

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/intent.php

Start a log documenting each time you contact or attempt contact.  You are establishing patterns now that will determine the amount of contact you get with your son forever.  What I am saying is.  . .once you start giving in, it is really hard to change it.

Your son needs you.  Hang in there.

I am in KS and could e-maill you what we came up with when my child was smaller.  Our summer schedule right now is:

One week with dad
One week with Mom
Two weeks with dad
One week with Mom
Two weeks with dad
One week with Mom
Two weeks with dad
One week with Mom

You are close enough and she is old enough that I would also ask for every other weekend from the time school gets out until the time starts on Monday morning.  Plus I would ask for the Wednesday nights to be an overnight visit.  Then you would at least be picking up and dropping off from school 3 times every 2 weeks. . . you would have more connection with what is really going on.

I can help much more through email

It is just so sad that there has to be such a distance. . . the baby needs frequent time with both parents.   When my stepson was about a year old, his mom moved him away from his dad for the same reasons.  It was very difficult . . . and honestly, if I was the dad I would do everything I could to prevent it. . . .but here are some things that can help:

Because Dad is not a stranger to the baby, overnights and extended visits should be ok.  The key will be maintaining some constency between the two homes.  My dh and his ex worked on the same daily feeding and bedtime schedule.  My stepson had the same bedding set and other similar items when he was small.  I don't know what Dad's work schedule allows. . . but if he has more than 2 days off in a row, the baby should be allowed to be with him during that time.  

My stepson came to see his Dad every other weekend from Thursday evening to Monday evening.  His Dad arranged his work schedule so that he could have a 4 day weekend off every other weekend.  This made it possible to avoid day care, but might not be possible for everyone.  They would meet half way.  This meant a late night for everyone, but the driving burden was divided.  When my stepson started preschool, his Mom found a Tuesday Wednesday Thursday program to accomodate this schedule.

My dh also had parenting time with his son for a week at Thanksgiving, a week after Christmas and two one week periods during the summer when he was a baby.

About the time that my stepson turned 2, his mom broke up with her boyfriend and my stepson became super clingy.  For a couple of months my dh visited in her hometown and stayed in a hotel with his son and also visited with him in Mom's home.  For a couple of times, Mom also  brought the child all the way to dh's home town and stayed at a hotel during the time he was with my dh.  This was too expensive and didn't last long . . . but got them through a rough spot and seemed to be what the child needed at the time.

Other things you can do. . .  
Make baby proof picture photo albums with pictures of Dad and his family to look at.
Have dad read stories and sing songs, talk to child etc. onto a cassette tape.
As the child gets older, phone and mail become a very important way to connect.
Use a web-cam so that Dad and baby can see each other between parenting times.

How often does he see his Dad now?  Is there anyway to keep the parents closer?

to plan something on the day of her birthday. . . really I do.  But, if I were you. I would plan it for the weekend before or after and avoid the hassle.  Your 7 year old step daughter won't care what day it is.  It is more important to her that her parents get along.  So have a great celebration on a time that she is already scheduled to be with you.  There will be more important battles to fight as she gets older.

Is it in writing that DH and BM agreed to keep the visitation for holidays, etc. the same as the divorce decree?  Is it in writing that holidays supercede the regular visits?  Unless the answer to both of these questions is Yes, you don't stand much of a chance.

you also go ahead and do a school schedule.  The toddler will be starting school before you know it and a 2 weeks on and off schedule won't work even for a Pre-K student.

What he would be asking for is completely reasonable, BUT is a long ways from where they are now.  So ask for the moon, but be ready to compromise to something that he can live with.

I would suggest getting a school calendar for the child's area in California and building a calendar around that.  For example if they do year round school . . . ask for all of the off-track time now.  If they don't do year-round school then ask for all the long weekends out of school, Thanksgiving or fall break, a week of winterbreak, a week of springbreak, and 8 weeks in the summer.  You could probably come up with about 12 weeks of time -- which I know is only about 1/2 of what he wants but would make the transition easier in a couple of years.

When my ss was a toddler we did 4 days every other weekend and extended holidays.  It was long distance -- but not a plane flight.  

Good luck and get a better attorney.

Your daughter needs you.

BM's behavior proves that more than ever.

You can be a very positive influence on your daughter.  You might have to fight for the chance to do it, but your daughter deserves it.

Girls need their Dads!  Please don't give up.  If you do, you will be giving bm just what she wants.

I know it is hard.  I have been supporting my husband for the last 10 years -- but we are here for you every step of the way.  Please hang in there!