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Messages - gjk522

#1
Father's Issues / RE: SonLess In Seattle
Dec 05, 2006, 11:39:06 PM
She gave me 60 days notice of her intent to relocate to CO (the minimum by law).  I haven't thought this through completely, but I would think that legally, I'd want to give myself the most time to prepare, and her the least.  I'm anticipating an adversarial relationship coming into this, so that would have to override my nice-guy approach.  If I knew things could be reasonable, and I would be granted a fair deal from her, I would want to tell her early on, so we would have time to negotiate a settlement.

I don't mean to sound one-track minded, but her motivation stems from maximizing control, minimizing my access to my boys, and maximizing discomfort/difficulty for me. This is well-established behaviour over many years. Her posture would involve compelling me into needing legal representation by creating conflict over every last detail.  She knows my financial situation through the recent trial disclosures.  Her self-interest will be best served to fight me under these circumstances.  Even if I had money to burn, she'd fight me anyways.  I know that sounds rediculous, but as many of us know, control for some (no matter how small the victory may be) overrides fiscal sensibility.  She spent over 100K on the relocation trial, for example.
My only recourse (I believe) is to become my own attorney, and work pro se, or find a really sympathetic family law attorney.
#2
Father's Issues / RE: SonLess In Seattle
Dec 04, 2006, 10:55:37 PM
Thank you.  You're right.  You might say that this forum is part of my research (and support) in that direction, and toward that end.   I will need some time to prepare, and do some homework.  I'm thinking move iprobably in August 2007.
I've been looking at Colorado Family Law Statutes.  I don't believe that CO is an "equal parenting time" state, but they do seem more progressive toward the acceptance that a father's time is critical to the well-being of the child.  WA is conservative in that respect (favor the mother).  I wonder if there's an irony to the fact that our governer and both our senetors are women...hmm!
#3
Thank you for your response.  I know it's hard to imagine the person I'm dealing with.  She self-admittedly "doesn't care" I'm the kids father.  For herself, something less than near total control is deemed a failure.   Fairness has been constantly dismissed or distorted.  She insists on communications only by email. There WILL be a legal battle about visitation, support, medical decisions, education, whatever.

Is there a possibility that given the disparity in ability to afford representation (she has dual income), and our case history of legal conflict (and cost).  That a Colorado judge could rule a judgement that is near equivalent to our current WA Parenting Plan (just over a year old)?  Or force mediation?  My attorney fees from the relocation battle were nearly triple figures.  Hers were over.  With my past attorney fees, combined with moving expenses and salary yet to be determined, I'm very concerned over the notion of waging another legal battle.  

You would think that with all the legal fees that were spent, she would have sense to come to the table.  I can assure you, that pschologically, that places herself on an equal footing with me.  She can't accept that.

#4
I've used Chris Fox, Kirkland.
I think you do need someone that can be tough.  But I also think that you need a shrewd counselor and (sometimes) an intelligent negotiator.
From my perception family law is an art of understanding human reactions under stress, and diminishing threat to both parties so work can get done.
Give Chris a call.  He's done family law for about 30 years now.
Good luck.
#5
Father's Issues / SonLess In Seattle
Dec 03, 2006, 11:07:21 PM
Here's the situation.  A year ago, my ex and her husband relocated to Colorado with my two sons 12, 15.  Husband originates from Colorado. I fought the relocation which went to trial.  Basically came down to a custody battle.  I didn't prevail.  Washington law gives a presumption of rights to move.  Economics reasons and career were her premise.  In reality, the principle motive was control.
Because of my prior involvement with my boys, I was granted liberal visitation: 8 weeks summer, most/shared school breaks and three-day weekends (when no break occurs during that month).  Travel expenses are split in half.
I'm missing them terribly despite the move. Current terms are not enough for me.  I saw only "two' of their football games.  They were here, I never missed a practice.
I'm contemplating a move to CO...but at what risk is the question.  The trial totally wiped out available assets sans my retirement.
Ex is extraordinarily obstinate, self-centered, and will fight over the least trivial details.
If I move to Colorado, will I have to negotiate another Parenting Plan, Child Support, and grief all over again?  This took a year to figure out for the relocation with attorneys.
Does anyone out there have advice?