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Do you mean that if I found myself with bills totaling 2-3000 dollars that would be enough to get a modification?  I thought modifications were if things changed by 20%.

Would I have to first pay for all of the bills, then go to court, and 6 months later get an answer?  By then the car and home could be gone.

I am afraid to have to keep going back to courts that tend not to favor the father.  I was hoping that there was a more secure proceedur to prevent someone from draining the NCP.  She would do it out of spite.

She has done everything she can to give me a terrible time so far.  I am afraid her problem is only going to get worse, and her behavior will get worse too.

How can I protect myself from exorbitant out-of-pocket medical bills?

I am going into mediation soon, and if this fails, I guess we go to trial.  We were not married, she split shortly after my son's birth (FL).  I am trying to have as much involvement in my son's life as possible, and have been voluntarily paying support while we await a court order.  The Ex has been absolutely unreasonable about every aspect of this process.  She tried to put a restraining order on me for going to her house one time to try and see my son, but it was thrown out.  I haven't seen him for 4 months.  She is not well.

       She already has thousands of dollars in medical bills coming to her house because she runs to the hospital for a headache, and doesn't follow proper proceedures regarding insurance.  She has been using her first child's (from previous relation) medicaid to get perscriptions for her whole family for years.  The doctor participates in the fraud by billing the visits and medication to the state under her daughter's name.  Sometimes they overlap, and the pharmacy tells her she has to pay full price.  I am afraid I will be on the hook for these costs when her scams don't work out because the judge may order me to pay 100% of out-of-pocket expenses.  Her doctor can say its my son's expense, and I'll have to pay for it.  Besides that, she'll take our son to the hospital or doctor every chance she gets. This is what she does.  Insurance only pays for so much.  I'll be stuck with the rest, go broke, lose my home, and not have a place for visitation.  

         What can I do to protect myself ?  How can I get a judge to see the problem?  She doesn't work, so that's why I'm afraid I'll have to pay most of the out-of-pocket.

PLEASE HELP !  I have a lawyer, but she is very busy and mediation is coming soon.

I Haven't seen my infant son for 3 months.  My Ex-fience disappeared for 5 days, came back and took our son, and 2 months later told me I would have to go to court if I wanted to see him again.   After a month of trying to work out some visitation, I went to knock on her door, and she filed for a restraining order against me.  I have a hearing coming up soon, but my attorney doesn't seem to think we can do anything to stop the Restraing order from happening.  My ex lies in the order, claiming I said "I'm coming in your house no matter what" and that I drive by her house.  All of this is fiction.  She called the police while we were knocking that night, and when they came my sister and I were off of the property, as we were leaving.  In the police report it says that my sister and I were the one's who requested the report to be taken, and that my Ex admitted to getting angry when my sister said something.  However, there is no mention of me threatening to come in the house, her feeling threatened, or any complaint on her part as to anything I did.  Can't I use the police report as evidence that her claims in the restaining order were fabricated.  If these things really happened, wouldn't she have told the police? If I had threatened to come in her house, wouldn't that be in the police report?  If she felt threatened that night, shouldn't that be in the police report?   Wouldn't a judge consider this?  My lawyer doesn't seem to want to even fight the restraining order.  I did nothing wrong that night.  I have never threatened or lifted a finger against her.  She has repeatedly hit me, and I did nothing.  

I read it. Thank-you.

I guess my problem is that I don't understand the law regarding temporary orders (emergency, at that).  She seems to think that all she had to do is bring paperwork from a doctor saying she is better, and she can have the child back.  She might also have to tell the judge that she has suitable housing, as I know she is in a co-op, and her parents should attest to that in court.  But maybe not, since the judge made no finding in that area.  The judge only expressed concerns over her mental instability at the time of the temporary order, and ordered her to permanently be in an alcohol treatment program.  

At any time she could decide that she wants him back, find a doctor who will say she is well, and the child would be thrown into an unacceptable situation.  Is this true?

Or, am I now the Primary custodial parent until she proves that the child would be better off changing back to her?

I feel like I should do something soon because I have a good case right now.  The next time she is going to be smarter about things.  She will not let me know about all of her problems in the future.  Her parents may go back to her side when they realize that the only way they will ever be able to retire ( they take care of her other child, who is 5) is by helping her secure both children so that she will have enough support money to have her own apartment.  

I don't know how to proceed because I don't know what I have to prove in court.  Do I just prove that circumstances have changed, and I the child would be better off in my care?  Or, do I have to prove more detrimental things about the mother by subpeoning psychiatrists, family, etc...

That doesn't seem right at all.  You say you have seen many parents go without contact for years and then come back- but I am talking about her being the Primary Residential Parent.  A Primary R.P. can't go without contact for years.  If they did, you wouldn't even use this in court?  I don't know if you understood my question.  

Do I have to show a "sustatial change in circumstances" has had a negative effect on the child?  If so, this would be difficult to prove, since he is only 19 months old.  The only negative effect would be that he has lost his mother, as she rarely even sees him.  He can't be interviewed about this, however.  He hasn't suffered from this otherwise, becasue he hasn't been in her care.  His granparents and I shared caretaking for a couple of months, then I was given Primary on a temporary order back in July.  The temporary has no time limit- if this matters.  

Please, someone tell me that it is relevant in court that the Primary Residential Parent hasn't seen the child in a month.  

I have had primary residential status, "custody", for 3 months now on temporary emergency orders, and the mother has been assigned supervised visitation by her parents at their home.  She admitted in court that she has been diagnosed with bi-polar, depression, anxiety disorders and that she is struggling.  Twice her father told the judge that she wasn't around the house much, and he was not happy with the situation.  She actually went into court last time trying to argue that she should have unsupervised visitation becasue the environment at her parents house had become too hostile for her to see her son there (and thought that would help her case).

She has not seen her son for a month now.  She lives 5 minutes away.  She can pick him up with her parents whenever she wants, but has chosen not to.  She has told me that the place she lives is not suitable for a toddler, and I have learned from her father that it is a co-op, where strangers rent bedrooms form the landlord and share the kitchen and common areas.  

The judge said that he wanted to see reports from doctors before he would feel safe with allowing her unsupervised visitation.  

Now that a full month has passed without her seeing the child- IS NOW THE TIME TO FILE FOR MODIFICATION OF CUSTODY?  

I cannnnot afford an attorney.

Please help.

I'v had my son all week, with her parents and my sister providing daycare - for now.  My sister can't do it much longer so I still need to do something about the situation.  He is doing well.  

I guess her parents called DCF as they warned me they were coming over to my house this evening to check on my son.  They wish to gain custody of his sister.  They told me they are not going to be helping me, as that is what they were told by an attorney - to keep everything they do to themselves.  So I can no longer count on their testimony- but they should tell the truth if in court one day.  

I don't know what DCF will do.  The children are not in danger, so Mom may get away with this.  It is clear that Mom is not residing with the children- but I don't know if they will do anything about that.  She is no longer missing as she has let us know that she is staying with her new boyfriend ,who ended up in the hospital today after supposedly being jumped by two guys, then reaching into their car as they drove away, and being dragged down the street - probably a drug deal gone bad.  

There is a group that will help me prepare motions for a low cost.  I just don't know what to do - still.  And I haven't had any time.  Single parenting while working 50 hours a week is time consuming.  I need to decide what to do so that I can plan my work week around it.  I know I need to do something.  I need to get the process started - as this may take a long time.  

I appreciate all of the advice- but the situation has changed again.  So, if anyone could offer any more advice as to some action I should take in the coming week, then I can work on it this weekend and try to do something this week.  Or, perhaps I should wait for DCF to do something?  Will they give me a report anytime soon, or would this just put off the process that much longer?

Thank-you :)

I need to change my User ID - totally inacurate these days :)

Thank-you for your encouragement.  

I can't afford another lawyer.  The one that got me the mediated settlement 5 months ago is threatening to garnish my wages at 25% for the $8500 I owe her.  I can pay the bills fine, but with this threat on my income, I can't afford another lawyer.  I've already spent and borrowed all I could to get the settlement.  I'm tapped out.  

I would love to get my son and bring him home- but I have to go to work every day.  I can take 1 day off, but what about the next?  2 days would seriously jeopardize my earnings as I am a sales-rep for a major soda company.  They "adjust" routes (which means a paycut) all the time.
 
This is why I need the temporary custody- so that I can afford to pay for daycare 3 days a week.  I can't afford this while paying support.  

Do you think I would be able to succeed with an emergency motion for modification of custody (temporary) if I did it on my own (with GP's testimony)?  

I guess I could go under financially for a month while paying her support AND daycare.  (Unless the car breaks down, etc...).  But I will also have to reduce my route at work.  I am afraid that it will all be for nothing as the courts are so biased.  I will end up in a precarious financial position which would make me incapable of stepping up to the plate the next time.  

Do you know of anyone who has been through this and has entered an emergency motion?

She came back a week ago saying that unless she agreed to having her medication upped, they would kick her out of the treatment center (because she came home late one night), so she left.  Two days later she stayed out until 3am- telling the GP's that her medication made her fall asleep in a parking lot (uh-huh).  Then she left again Sunday and is gone again.  Her Dad found her in a bar, and was so disgusted by what he saw that he passed out.  He then went to the apartment of the person she had left the house with- and that person had to tell her to leave because of her behavoir.  She was last seen going into the apartment 4 doors down.  

      The GP's are now ready to go with me to court to help me secure custody of my son - temporary or whatever.  The are saying that she will not be welcome back in their house, and that if she tries to leave with the child, they will call the police. They do not wish to continue taking care of my son, so wish to help me in this effort.  We are all very concerned about what she will do when faced with this situation.  

      Should we now go and file an emergency motion for temporary custody?  The office that takes such motions told me that all they could say is those motions are for when there is an immediate threat of death or manifest injury.  I don't know if this is the case.  If we go, what should we say in our Emergency motion?  Do I write that the Granparents- who she left the child with- are present with me at this time and ready to testify that they do not wish to take care of him any longer, and that his mother is missing again, and they are afraid to let her take the child because of her behavior?

        Please help me.  We need to do something- but what?

Yesterday she texted a friend to call her parents and have them meet her at a fast food resteraunt.  THen she texted back to say she was too busy to make it and would have to meet them today.  This does not sound like someone returning from treatment.  This sounds more like a something you would hear in a court tv documentary- too shady.  However, she ended up coming back to her house for a few hours today and saw her children again.
    She told her parents she is not going to be providing me with any verification of where she has been.  She said she is in a halfway house, going to counseling all day and meetings in the evening.  She said she wants to stay there another week so she can finish the program she is in.  Then she showed them a bag full of medication she has been perscribed.  They believe her, because she has gained weight and seems well.  I believe she may be in a halfway house now- but if she is seeking a medicinal cure for her addiction- there is none.  If she is attending yet more counseling to help her with mental health issues, this is a common "way out" for those who will not admit their real problem, and are still trying to find a way to get back to drinking and using.  These things can help- as something is better than nothing.  But unless the addiction is made the #1 priority recovery will fail, and any other progress can be thrown out the window.  
     She has said that she is seeking SSI disability benefits for her mental illness.  This is classic.  People who need help are often channeled into a path which provides them with easy money, perscription drugs, and excuses for their continuing bad behavior.  
      So, even if she is telling the truth, I am still very concerned for my son's well being.  She is scary- terrible when drinking ( and I believe using).  She becomes like a monster who doesn't care about anything.  
Two months ago she got drunk and broke into my apartment - while the children waited in the car.  Our wonderful local police found every excuse they could not to charge her.  I should pursue that with the district attorney.  
       Can I obtain any of these record to enter a modification of custody?  Could I show that her deteriorating mental condition is a substatial change of circumstances?  How can I do this without an attorney ?  My last one is threatening to garnish my wages if I can't pay her $8500 in 9 months.  I guess its too late for the emergency motion.  I need to do something.  Please help.
      I VERY much appreciate all of the input.  I feel better knowing that I am not alone, and that my feelings are not invalid.