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nm

I learned you can't always depend on it and it's just financially stupid to include money to get a higher mortgage that you may not be able to afford.

Stirling, I can see your point on the ncp having to have a two bedroom also. But as for it being a "wash" I don't necessarily think that would work. In this society, men generally make more money than women, and are more able to afford certain things. that is where ther eis the "income shares" model of support. So...if we go on that theory, we can "income share" the cost of the difference. For example: if a cp makes $2000 a month and the ncp makes $4000 a month, then according to the income shares model, the CP makes 33% of the monthly combined income...so the cp would be responsible for 33% of the child's care. Since the ncp makes DOUBLE the amount, he/she is to pay 66% of the expenses.

So if a one bedroom were $500 a month, and a 2 bedroom were $800 a month, wouldn't it be fair to say that the cp is responsible for 33% of the additional $300, and the ncp for the additional 66%?

the parents like those cp's don't deserve the title of PARENT. IMO, a parent will help to raise a child emotionally, physically and FINANCIALLY. If you aren't there in ONE of those ways, you dont' deserve the title of 'parent.'

Being a parent is not just donating an egg or sperm. There is a LOT more that goes into EARNING that HONOR.

don't DESERVE to be called PARENTS. Period. Quite frankly, if someone is not working and helping to raise the child...they aren't parents.

When you show receipts for anything bought for the child, do you include rent, utilities, every tube of toothpaste or extra roll of toilet paper? Do you get receipts for things you buy at a garage sale or from the babysitter when you hire one in the evenings if you have something to do? Do you include mileage for running the child here and ther (the gas you used)? Do you EXPLAIN why you bought a $40 pair of tennis shoes when Payless had them buy one/get one half off? Do you include every cent given for the ice cream man, movies, school lunches, videos rented thru the week for the child?

THAT is what we're all talking about...WHAT should be included in that amount.

I don't share info with my ex. He's never seen his son nor expressed any desire to. I'm not sending him diddly :)

Not utilities...and food to "a point?" Can you elaborate please? Cuz quite frankly, if you think even just about the hot water usage, the computer usage, and the video game/tv usage, I'm sure you can contribute a LOT MORE than you realize to the kids.

My home is heated by propane. That means my hot water is run by propane and electricity. In the winter, it costs me $600 a MONTH to heat the house - including the showers, stove to cook meals, and heating. So if you believe the difference between a 1 and two bedroom home is okay to consider, why can't you consider the cost to HEAT the larger home? If a larger HOME is necessary, it takes more HEAT to heat it. And there is a huge difference in electricity and energy to run a hot water tank for one vs. two individuals also.

As for food...why "to a point?" I cook at home most nights. I can't remember the last time we went out to eat. However, I'm content with a salad for dinner. DS eats breakfast every morning (I don't), needs lunch money for school, then he comes home and has a snack (which means either two or three microwave burrito's or an entire frozen pizza), then before I'm even out of my car after work, he's asking what's for dinner...and he'll snack AFTER dinner also. So more food is contributed to HIM than it is for ME. There is also double the toothpaste and soap, double the laundry detergent, double the toilet paper, etc. As for "junk food" - EVERYONE is entitled to some chips or snacks now and again, so saying the cp should ONLY spend money on meat and healthy foods is really not fair. I'm sure the ncp indulges now and again on snacks...so why can't the child? Most children have been raised with dessert after dinner...and most times, that dessert IS something "junk" so why can't it be included (not saying a ton of junk, but I don't think a grocery bill should be picked apart an all the chips, dorito's, swiss cakes, etc. pulled out before determining a grocery bill). So groceries "to a point" doesn't make sense to me.

can you please elaborate?

I'm forever on my ds to turn off the lights when he leaves a room. As for the water...HE has more laundry than *I* do. That also causes more in heating bills, cuz our hot water tank runs off of the propane that heats the house. At least one day a weekend, I'm driving him to school for some function, then picking him up and driving him to a party, then going home, waiting until midnight, and heading back out to get him from the part and bringing him back home. That doesn't count the trips DURING the week, to band practice, friends houses, etc.

Don't get me started on shoes and clothes. Ugh...

I used to have an old beat up car. The first time I broke down on the freeway when ds was still in a car seat and had to walk in the snow for a mile to a phone in a bad neighborhood, my stepfather called and asked what color car I wanted. He couldn't see me and my baby not having safe transportation after that, so he offered to lease a car for me...I paid $100 a month, he paid the rest. And quite frankly, I STILL want to know I have reliable transportation when I'm driving my ds somewhere. Besides, why aren't we allowed to have a new car if we work? What makes people think that we are using the cs on the car payment rather than our wages?

That's one thing that irks me at times. People think if the cp gets her nails done or drives a new car that it's coming out of the cs. Well, if we work, what makes them think it's coming out of the cs and not OUR WAGES?

It will only bring on more problems if that were to be used. First, what if not ALL stores took that card? So then you're forced to shop at a limited number of stores. Second, what if the cp spent $40 on a pair of shoes, and the ncp thought that was excessive? Then they'd be bickering about misuse of the money, or frivolous spending. How would the cp pay the child's portion of the rent/house payment and utilities? How would the cp determine the child's portion of the food and toiletries? What about childcare? If the cp had to attend a wedding, for instance, and hired the neighborhood teenager to babysit. I'm sure the teen wouldn't take that debit card. How would that be paid? I shopped at garage sales for a lot of years. They don't accept debit cards at garage sales.

I have no problem showing where cs goes either. I can spend it on my ds without including food, too. But you have to remember that when two people are no longer married or in a relationship, it's because they didn't get along then. And now that they HAVE to associate with each other because of the child, if those animosities aren't put aside (which they rarely are) then there are going to still be reasons to disagree or nit pick the other person. So even though this system is a good IDEA, it's not feasible cuz it will just cause OTHER problems.

You are both now in the same state? Do you know where he works? Do you know his address? Does he see the kids?

First, if you know where he works, you can call cse with that information. Hopefully they will issue an income withholding order and send it to his employer.

If you DON'T know where he works, but you know where he LIVES, then you need to request a SHOW CAUSE HEARING. That's where he has to come in and "show cause" why he shouldn't be held in contempt for non payment. At that time, he is to give an employer, or state why he's not paying. If he doesn't show up, a warrant is issued for his arrest for contempt (failure to appear is contempt).

During that period of time, you need to also ask that an amount be added to his weekly or monthly amount, to start paying off the arrears.

I know how you feel. My ex owed over $15,000. He finally started paying after he was arrested for the FIFTH TIME. All 4 times prior, he got a slap on his wrist, told to be a good boy, and sent on his way. He was famous for giving false (old) employers, or quitting his job the moment he walked out of court. I got pissed, wrote every elected official I could find (after cse screwed around for eight years) and they finally threw him in jail for 90 days. After that, he finally paid, and he hasn't missed a payment.

It's GETTING to that point that is hard.

The decree stated that as long as the residency and custody of the child remained the same, no cs would be awarded. But residency and custody has CHANGED, so yes, it can be overruled.