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Thank you so much for your response!

-"Also, who made it possible for Gma to pick the child up from school?    Didn't you have to agree to allow her as a person who can do that?"

Uggh, that was our fault.  She has become significantly more problematic since we enrolled him in the school in spring.

Our biggest problem right now is that BM feels like she has no rights because Grandma is doing whatever the hell she wants and disregarding BM's wishes.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Grandma is paying for BM's school, car, and bills while she is in school.  This will make it HARD to get her to sign anything taking Grandma's rights away.

Okay, here are the basic stats and facts:

-3.5 year old stepson lives with dad and I

-his birth mom has had a bad year and she signed over primary custody to us in february

-to excuse a large debt, the maternal grandmother forced her to have it written into our agreement that "maternal grandmother may exercise the mother's time when the mother is unable to do so"

-birth mom is getting back on her feet and attending classes in another part of the state, so grandmother has been exercising time for 3 months

-for Wednesday visitation, she was picking the child up from preschool at noon (before lunch/nap/storytime/snack) when she didn't have to work, and keeping him until 8-8:30.  Occasionally when she did have to work he would stay until 5 (we pay extra for him to stay until 5 whether he stays or not).

-2 weeks ago, Grandma called the school and told them she was picking him up early, but told us she was picking him up late.  There was a great confusion, so dad decided it would be best if he stayed at school until 5 EVERY day, including Wednesday.

-We met with birth mom about it and she was in agreement that it would be best to keep the child on a regular schedule.  (she is great, by the way, and we get along well.)

-grandma said "notsomuch" and has been taunting and bullying us with threats of getting the police involved if she can't have him at noon.  She showed up to his (very christian) preschool and cried/screamed/threw a fit because the school wouldn't let him go at noon.  Today, she threatened the school with police interaction, which prompted them to call my husband and I, and turned into an extremely embarassing event that had *sniff* my stepson bawling uncontrollably for Dad and I.  And poor birth mom was on the phone trying to convince Grandma to let it go.

My husband let grandma take him today (i wish he hadn't!) to avoid any more conflict.

This has become a pissing contest between Grandmother and Dad, and it is so clear to me that THE PARENT"S WISHES SHOULD TAKE PRECEDENCE despite grandma's interpretation of the words on the paper (that she didn't sign!). (The agreement says that NCP has rights after school on Wednesday.  It is pretty vague.)

My questions are:

1) Can grandma legally have the child removed from school by the police?

2) How can we remove "maternal grandmother may exercise the mother's time when the mother is unable to do so" from the agreement?

3) We have plenty of dirt on Birth Mom (this is so ugly) to have her custody taken away alltogether, but haven't pursued because the kid has a great relationship to her and we think it is best for him to maintain this relationship.  Is this the only way to get grandma off the agreement if Birth mom won't agree to remove her?

Sometimes I feel like we should pack up and move just to get away from her craziness!

Thanks for reading this, I know it is long but I would really appreciate the help!