Ok so DH and I have been together 4 years..since SS10 and SS7 were 3 and 6...DH wasw long divorced. Well when I was introduced we all got along everything was great. Fast Forward - a year later we move to NC. We still managed to make visits for 3-4 days at a time monthly. Well as some of you know we moved back about 2 months ago and it has been h$ll! I am at a loss. BM first started by telling them that now that we have DS (1 yr) I dont like them blah blah blah...so I sat the oldest down and explained to him that although we are a new family we are still a family and that I love them all equally- that when I married DH they were part of what I married. I also told them that I would never in any way shape or form try and replace their mother and that I would never ask more from them than to respect me and I would do the same. Now SS7 is fine - he just yeses his brother but loves being with us etc. SS10 is outright rude - but I understand he is confused. He asked why his mom would say things that werent true and I told him because sometimes in other families it is true but that ours is different. So we agreed - you respect me and I respect you.
Fast Forward - this past sunday is the first day SS10 and SS7 were at our new house. They had a great time..we have 2 dogs and I was a bit worried but even they conceded that the dogs were cool since they dont have a dog at their moms house. Well SS10 decided to tell BM that the one dog bit him blah blah blah - well my DHs parents had SSs last night - there is no bite it was just dramatics. ANYWAY we are dropping the boys off at home and when SS10 got out of the car DH got out to hug them and SS10 says "Just so you know I spilled a bottle of apple juice and ground pretzels into the back seat of your car and what are you going to do - ground me????" and walks off.
Well DH didn't tell me until about 10 min later. SO needless to say I AM LIVID. 2 reasons - 1 WTF??? this is MY brand new car and 2. I thought we had an agreement - RESPECT right? Wrong?
I am shaking I am so UPSET. SOoooooooo then DS falls asleep in the car and we take him out and get him changed for bed and he has the start of "fingerprint bruises" on his legs. Now I knw they weren't there before we left grandparents bc I changed his diaper before we left. And now when I think back DS was screaming on the way home but I just thought he was tired...but SS7 kept saying stop to SS10 but I didn't know why. well now my mind is racing - Was SS10 pinching my DS on the way home??????? I understand kids get bruised and picked on by their siblings but I am at a loss.
Am I nuts? Am I a bad SM because I cringe at the thought of seeing them Friday? But if I dont attend these visits it confirms in the SSs minds that I dont like them - it is a vicious cycle.
On top of all this when DH picked them up tonight they told him that their mom said that DH abandoned them and tried to give them up for adoption. NOT TRUE! AGHHHHHHHHH...She is filling their heads and it is taking a HUGE toll on our family...ASIDE from that I now live in Philly where it is 30 degrees out right now and I have to figure out a way to get apple juice from the seats and rugs!
Thanks for reading - I hope someone has something they can offer to calm me down. I have no idea where to go from here.
UPDATE***********
Yesterday we had our Friday visit with the boys. When DH walked in he shared with me that SS10 had placed a nail in the front passenger tire of our vehicle last sunday. Both children shared with us that their mother had encouraged them to do it. In addition SS10 pulled a baby bottle full of milk and indicated that they had planned to spill the milk in our car. However DH borrowed my MIL's car when picking the boys up that evening out of fear they would do something. SS10 told DH that he told his BM what he had done with the apple juice and she gave him a big hug and told him he could have anything he wanted for breakfast the following day. AGH! So today I went to the local police and filed a complaint but they basically told me they couldnt really do anything! So now I have to replace (where the nail is in the one car cannot be patched) the tire and incur these costs...in addition to living in fear! Monday we will call our atty again and urge to have another hearing but this system up here is so screwed up who knows!
Can anyone offer any suggestions - I am really at a loss! This is still all new to me - even 4 years later
Fast Forward - this past sunday is the first day SS10 and SS7 were at our new house. They had a great time..we have 2 dogs and I was a bit worried but even they conceded that the dogs were cool since they dont have a dog at their moms house. Well SS10 decided to tell BM that the one dog bit him blah blah blah - well my DHs parents had SSs last night - there is no bite it was just dramatics. ANYWAY we are dropping the boys off at home and when SS10 got out of the car DH got out to hug them and SS10 says "Just so you know I spilled a bottle of apple juice and ground pretzels into the back seat of your car and what are you going to do - ground me????" and walks off.
Well DH didn't tell me until about 10 min later. SO needless to say I AM LIVID. 2 reasons - 1 WTF??? this is MY brand new car and 2. I thought we had an agreement - RESPECT right? Wrong?
I am shaking I am so UPSET. SOoooooooo then DS falls asleep in the car and we take him out and get him changed for bed and he has the start of "fingerprint bruises" on his legs. Now I knw they weren't there before we left grandparents bc I changed his diaper before we left. And now when I think back DS was screaming on the way home but I just thought he was tired...but SS7 kept saying stop to SS10 but I didn't know why. well now my mind is racing - Was SS10 pinching my DS on the way home??????? I understand kids get bruised and picked on by their siblings but I am at a loss.
Am I nuts? Am I a bad SM because I cringe at the thought of seeing them Friday? But if I dont attend these visits it confirms in the SSs minds that I dont like them - it is a vicious cycle.
On top of all this when DH picked them up tonight they told him that their mom said that DH abandoned them and tried to give them up for adoption. NOT TRUE! AGHHHHHHHHH...She is filling their heads and it is taking a HUGE toll on our family...ASIDE from that I now live in Philly where it is 30 degrees out right now and I have to figure out a way to get apple juice from the seats and rugs!
Thanks for reading - I hope someone has something they can offer to calm me down. I have no idea where to go from here.
UPDATE***********
Yesterday we had our Friday visit with the boys. When DH walked in he shared with me that SS10 had placed a nail in the front passenger tire of our vehicle last sunday. Both children shared with us that their mother had encouraged them to do it. In addition SS10 pulled a baby bottle full of milk and indicated that they had planned to spill the milk in our car. However DH borrowed my MIL's car when picking the boys up that evening out of fear they would do something. SS10 told DH that he told his BM what he had done with the apple juice and she gave him a big hug and told him he could have anything he wanted for breakfast the following day. AGH! So today I went to the local police and filed a complaint but they basically told me they couldnt really do anything! So now I have to replace (where the nail is in the one car cannot be patched) the tire and incur these costs...in addition to living in fear! Monday we will call our atty again and urge to have another hearing but this system up here is so screwed up who knows!
Can anyone offer any suggestions - I am really at a loss! This is still all new to me - even 4 years later