I think you've done a fine job of facilitating the relationship. The emotional willingness is key to everything. By displaying a positive attitude about ex in front of your son, and by being willing to increase the time they spend together, you have done a great deal to facilitate the father-son relationship.
Could you do more? Perhaps - but only as part of a parenting team, and your ex is not doing *his* fair share of teamwork. For example, you could share the driving (that would ideal if all other things were equal) - but there is no reason for you to do this unless ex is paying his fair share of raising your son through CS. He is not being a good team player, so there is no incentive for you to go the extra mile.
Child support is not supposed to be linked to visitation, and I'm not suggesting that. I know you have not "withheld" visitation based on arrears, nor should you. But there is no reason you should spend extra funds (for gas) and your time driving your son to visit ex if ex is not paying what is court-ordered to help raise your son.
I think he is being very petty in asking you to lower support as a "trade" for him spending more time with your son. It is a form of emotional blackmail, in my opinion. He knows you want your son to have a good relationship with his Dad and he's hoping you'll agree to lower support in order to make that happen.
I think it is very telling that your ex cut the number of hours that your son spent at his home because "your son was unhappy there." Instead of dickering about money vs. hours, I think your ex should spend some time figuring out why your son was unhappy there, and what he and his family can do to fix that.
One final point - although it is unjust and unfair for ex to be suggesting that you have not made an effort, I would advise you to try very hard to let go of any desire to make him realize he is wrong. He doesn't care if he's right or wrong - his approach is a bullying tactic to try to save some money.
I hope you are well and (other than this...) happy.
Sue
Could you do more? Perhaps - but only as part of a parenting team, and your ex is not doing *his* fair share of teamwork. For example, you could share the driving (that would ideal if all other things were equal) - but there is no reason for you to do this unless ex is paying his fair share of raising your son through CS. He is not being a good team player, so there is no incentive for you to go the extra mile.
Child support is not supposed to be linked to visitation, and I'm not suggesting that. I know you have not "withheld" visitation based on arrears, nor should you. But there is no reason you should spend extra funds (for gas) and your time driving your son to visit ex if ex is not paying what is court-ordered to help raise your son.
I think he is being very petty in asking you to lower support as a "trade" for him spending more time with your son. It is a form of emotional blackmail, in my opinion. He knows you want your son to have a good relationship with his Dad and he's hoping you'll agree to lower support in order to make that happen.
I think it is very telling that your ex cut the number of hours that your son spent at his home because "your son was unhappy there." Instead of dickering about money vs. hours, I think your ex should spend some time figuring out why your son was unhappy there, and what he and his family can do to fix that.
One final point - although it is unjust and unfair for ex to be suggesting that you have not made an effort, I would advise you to try very hard to let go of any desire to make him realize he is wrong. He doesn't care if he's right or wrong - his approach is a bullying tactic to try to save some money.
I hope you are well and (other than this...) happy.
Sue