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Thank you!  That is so true.

Fortunately, I've been my daughter's primary support since birth.  And I've got LOTS of collatoral on my "side" while my ex doesn't really have any (except the word of his parents.)  

It's tough to not have an emotional response to his threats... but then I just play into his hands.  I can't afford that for my sweet girl's sake.

This is a great site...

SLK

What a great person you must be!

Thank you for this.  Of course, it's what everyone here keeps saying too, but what an emotional issue.  Good to hear from someone objective.

Happy New Year!

All parties reside in NC.  Divorce was 6 years ago - there were no custody issues when CPS cases (3) were opened.  Ex had supervised visitation only due to long standing mental health issues (he voluntarily agreed to those terms.)

Ex found with substantiated child abuse cases against our daughter (SA and injurious environment) and against his former step-son (neglect and injurious environment.)  Daughter 'disclosed' to numerous authorities - allegations did not come from me or my family.  Final CPS recommendation was absolutely no unsupervised contact, supervision by a qualified third party for visits.  CPS cases resulted in a 19 month
no contact period between Dad and Daughter.  NOw, based on my initiative, they are seeing each other for daytime, supervised visits.

Ex has denied the SA, alleged that it is PAS by me.  He appealed through CPS to their highest authority - they did not overturn their substantiation or their recommendations.  Now he is supposedly suing the county in Federal Court for violating his civil rights.

Now we are in full custody evaluation.  All I am hoping for is safely supervised visitaion.  Ex is claiming that he is "going for full custody".

1) Based on your experience and knowing just this small snapshot, how often do you think the courts and custody evaluator (in this case an independent PhD forensic psychologist) will go against the CPS recommendations?

2) Do they ever think the school, pediatricians, therapists and all of CPS authorities (daughter went to medical doctors, social workers and case workers at length) all have it wrong?

I'm psyching myself out a bit here and am scared of losing my precious daughter.  She's been through so much and I honestly just want her safe and happy.  I have no interest in punishing Dad, just in keeping this wonderful child safe.

Thanks for any past stories you might be able to share.


SLKSLK

Thank you for your reply!

I have a good rapport with my attorney... he doesn't sugar coat and he's very blunt.  I'm just getting nervous, I think, as we head into this chapter of the saga and mostly just wanted to vent and look for any similar experiences....

Thanks again!

SLK

Hi there -

We are beginning a custody evaluation after a three year, multiple case experience with the Department of Social Services.  At the end, my daughter's father had two separate cases substantiated against him.  One was for our daughter (sexual abuse and injurious environment) and one for his stepson at the time (neglect and injurious environment.)

Ex has police reports stating serious domestic violence towards previous wife (after me) and stepson, with no convictions.  Ex has documented long history of mental illness including two inpatient stays (depression with psychotic features, Anxiety Disorder NOS, possible Borderline Personality Disorder.)  Ex was violent when I was married to him as well.

I have crimal history of 2 DUIs 12 years ago.  Ex also claims that I was sexually promiscious as a teen/college age, etc. etc.  I have had our 2nd grader daughter as her primary caregiver since her birth.  Ex has had supervised visitation ONLY from our separation, though he did receive joint custody shortly before the second CPS case was opened.

Ex claims that I coached daughter for SA claims and may be asking for full custody.  I did not.  Ex is also suing CPS in federal court for "violating his civil rights."  They did not see each other for 19 months.  Daughter is currently in therapy, doing well and understands that soon there will be people helping us to figure out how she can see her Dad the best way.  She is seeing him currently with short, regular, supervised visits (due to MY initiative to reinstitute some regular visitation) but the "terms" of visitation have not been complied with by him.  Ex is currently divorced again, but just bought a huge house in a cool neighborhood (with a 110 ft. waterslide pool!)  I am very happily married, with another child from husband, currently PTA president and very involved in community.  I'm gainfully employed parttime as a nurse and have a very stable, happy home.

Has anyone been in a custody dispute where an exhaustive CPS report was filed?  How likely is it that the custody evaluator and later judge will agree with CPS conclusions?

Also - how do I point out his long history of violence and unpredictability without sounding like I am slamming him?  I actually DO want my daughter to have a positive relationship with him (she loves him very much) but I don't feel like he is stable in any way.  Should I simply allow custody evaluator to find these things out on her own?  Or wait until she asks directly?  Or would I then sound like I'm not really concerned for daughter's safety?

I'm starting to really psych myself out here and am just looking for some objective feedback or thoughts on this.

Thanks,

SLKSLK