Thanks for that response. For the record, I do have join legal custody, and my X has residential custody. The agreement is entirely silent on the question of where parties reside and on the matter of travelling with the children. All of that is somehow to be resolved under the principle of what is "reasonable," and I agree that there appears to be too little good will to make that work on its own. I'll be seeing my attorney next week to discuss the issue and hope to have a general sense of the options before that.
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Visitation Issues / What is reasonable and liberal?
Jan 29, 2007, 05:02:54 AM
I am a recently divorced man with two sons in elementary school and two high-school aged daughters. BM has RC of all four.
Our situation is as complex as most divorces, and I can't hope to provide all the details here. The issue at present is that during a mediated separation, I consented to BM's plan to move from PA to MD and obtained "Reasonable and Liberal" parenting time in the separation agreement in exchange. That agreement was then incorporated verbatim into the final judgment of divorce.
I also elected informally to cede holidays to her. Holidays are a matter of personal indifference to me, so I am happy to visit with my children during other times.
In general, I would like to build my time with the children around weekend visits (logistically and financially, I can manage to get down to MD once or twice per month for a weekend), and then bring them up to PA to visit with me at least a few times per year (a week or two in the summer, and an occasional weekend).
There are basically three salient problems at this point.
1) BM will not help to schedule the time. Activities at her church occupy the children's time every Sunday morning and evening, as well as many other Saturday and Sunday activities. This is aggravated further since many of these are not scheduled far enough in advance to allow me to schedule around them. Other sorts of events also pop up during my visits. The basic message that she seems to send the children is "your father will be here to visit with you, unless you have anything else to do."
2) BM solicits information from the children about what they would like to do during my visit and attempts to impose those decisions on me by either telling me about them in front of the children, or building up the childrens' expectations in advance. Thus, the visits are extensions of her aims, and leave me none of the latitude that R&L parenting time seems to afford -- we end up at the local Chuckie Cheese or a movie instead of the Smithsonian.
3) BM insists that she has a veto on my decisions about the use of time, and that "I can't take the children out of state without her permission." I grant that I have a reasonable obligation to let her know what we are doing, especially in broad terms such as long distance travel, just as she does. In a recent instance, I was going to go with my 16yr old daughter to a late movie with her boyfriend to a movie. BM objected, called her on her cell phone and told her she was not to go to the movie and that BM would meet her at the theater to take her home.
I am loathe to try to get a scheduled parenting time order, because, in principle, I think the R&L language has the best potential to support the way real schedules work.
I'm not sure what might be the best course of action. On thing that occurs to me is asking a court to interpret and somehow more clearly define what constitutes Reasonable and Liberal Parenting Time.
The other would be to get some sort of scheduled parenting time order. Perhaps, there is a hybrid of some sort that would work. Something that would set some proportion of time to be spent with the children, and prioritizing that time.
Advice, comments and clarifying questions welcome.
Our situation is as complex as most divorces, and I can't hope to provide all the details here. The issue at present is that during a mediated separation, I consented to BM's plan to move from PA to MD and obtained "Reasonable and Liberal" parenting time in the separation agreement in exchange. That agreement was then incorporated verbatim into the final judgment of divorce.
I also elected informally to cede holidays to her. Holidays are a matter of personal indifference to me, so I am happy to visit with my children during other times.
In general, I would like to build my time with the children around weekend visits (logistically and financially, I can manage to get down to MD once or twice per month for a weekend), and then bring them up to PA to visit with me at least a few times per year (a week or two in the summer, and an occasional weekend).
There are basically three salient problems at this point.
1) BM will not help to schedule the time. Activities at her church occupy the children's time every Sunday morning and evening, as well as many other Saturday and Sunday activities. This is aggravated further since many of these are not scheduled far enough in advance to allow me to schedule around them. Other sorts of events also pop up during my visits. The basic message that she seems to send the children is "your father will be here to visit with you, unless you have anything else to do."
2) BM solicits information from the children about what they would like to do during my visit and attempts to impose those decisions on me by either telling me about them in front of the children, or building up the childrens' expectations in advance. Thus, the visits are extensions of her aims, and leave me none of the latitude that R&L parenting time seems to afford -- we end up at the local Chuckie Cheese or a movie instead of the Smithsonian.
3) BM insists that she has a veto on my decisions about the use of time, and that "I can't take the children out of state without her permission." I grant that I have a reasonable obligation to let her know what we are doing, especially in broad terms such as long distance travel, just as she does. In a recent instance, I was going to go with my 16yr old daughter to a late movie with her boyfriend to a movie. BM objected, called her on her cell phone and told her she was not to go to the movie and that BM would meet her at the theater to take her home.
I am loathe to try to get a scheduled parenting time order, because, in principle, I think the R&L language has the best potential to support the way real schedules work.
I'm not sure what might be the best course of action. On thing that occurs to me is asking a court to interpret and somehow more clearly define what constitutes Reasonable and Liberal Parenting Time.
The other would be to get some sort of scheduled parenting time order. Perhaps, there is a hybrid of some sort that would work. Something that would set some proportion of time to be spent with the children, and prioritizing that time.
Advice, comments and clarifying questions welcome.
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