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Just an update. The mother called me and said she's coming back to my state in a couple of days to stay with her mother. She called me crying because she had no one else to talk to and we had a good long conversation. I won't go into it but she was upset that she had created this mess and had regretted it since day one, she seems to have grown up a lot recently. No, I'm not taking her back, but I can sleep at night now.

>What I WOULD do, is file for sole custody and ask for a
>custody evaluation. You can express your concerns to the
>custody evaluator. I'm not sure, but if your ex is living with
>her bf, then I think he'd have to submit to the custody
>evaluation, as well. Your first concern is your daughter - and
>if he's as bad as you say, then he won't be a good influence.

Yes, I had let my guard down and assumed things weren't as bad as I had previously thought, but his call woke me up. No more mr nice guy. Once the paternity test is done, I think I have enough info ready for emergency custody. I just have to see what the lawyer thinks I can get with what I have.

I've have planned on evaluations for later, and have no doubt that the mother and boyfriend would fail miserably, but since they're 1000 miles away right now, any temporary custody order will get the child away from there, and that's most important right now. I want to get her out of there instead of having "there" go through a long evaluation.

I called my lawyer and left a message about it but haven't heard back. I will report it if he thinks I should.

The only reason I considered talking to him again is that he actually wanted me to schedule the paternity test and wanted me to call him today with the location and time for the test. It seemed like a great opportunity to get another death threat, not to mention I want this test to be done ASAP, but you guys are obviously right. I'm sure I'll get another one sooner or later anyway, this guy has a reputation for making threats. I felt kind of neglected that it took so long for me to get one, and really stupid for not getting it recorded..

Anyway, the testing place said they'd only set up an appointment with the mother. I told them his rules were that no one can contact the mother, all contact has to go through him. They laughed and said to have my attorney tell him that they will only talk to the mother and they added that if he tries to interfere with her court ordered test, he will find himself in a lot of trouble.

I made sure to tell my lawyer not to mention the last part though. Gotta make sure he has enough rope to hang himself..

I'm in a paternity/custody action against someone who told me a child was mine, then disappeared to another state a couple of months later. I was worried for the child at first but let my guard down as I thought things were going to smooth out and this would be a normal process.

Well, her boyfriend called me tonight, cussed me out for a while, then said "You don't wanna **** with me. I will shoot you in the face if you try to get custody of your daughter."

Unfortunately, I didn't get it recorded. Since I can't prove it, should I do anything about it?

I bet if I call him tomorrow I can get him to threaten me again. He's pretty irrational (probablky alcoholic and on drugs but I can't prove it). I didn't say anything to provoke the threat except that I wanted to be with my daughter.

I think recordings are usually state-specific, but now I think the grandmother may be exxaggerating and would not help in court if it came down to that, so I'm reluctant to bring her into it at all in case she makes a reversal..

Anyway, I'm not waiting. It's only been 5 days and I'm already frustrated that things aren't moving faster, but I know that's how it is. I just got back from signing the petition for the test, and have been assured that tests like this are enforced, though I'm not clear on exactly how. Anyway, I have to have the test first, then I bring out the big guns and try to get the kid.

Thanks for your help and suggestions. At least the ball is rolling now and I can breathe a little easier and think about what to do next. Heck, I might even eat and sleep one day soon :)

I've confirmed that she is with the guy, I just don't have an address yet. I've been reading up on Child Support Enforcement and the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act and it looks like I can have a paternity test enforced across state lines. I just need to talk to the right people. She can still flee from a test, but the federal government can get involved and track her down until it's done.

Anyone care to speculate on my chances for getting custody if the child is mine? I think the facts are in my favor, but I have to remember that I will be trying to take a one year old baby that I barely know from a mother.

Facts:
Good for me:
The mother didn't tell me I had a child until a few days before it's first birthday.

The mother told me she did a drugs when she was pregnant, but I can't prove it, although I bet a drug test would come back positive at the present time. (Can I ask the court for a surprise drug test when I find this girl? I don't want to give her any time to do any tricks to get any drugs out of her system)

The child's grandmother can testify that the mother was driving drunk at least once with the child in the car and that she found many beer cans in her house after the mother left.

The mother is living with a man who has outstanding arrest warrants, several DUIs, and a history of drug abuse. The grandmother can testify as to what a waste of oxygen this guy is, a simple check with the police will back that up.

She stole $1500 from my home when she left. I'm going to raise heck and make the police file a report on that.

She doesn't work. When she's with this loser, apparently they live off of his rich mother. I have a decent job that I've been at for 4 years. Don't do drugs or drink, never had any trouble with the law, an all around boring guy.

Bad for me:
I only got to be father for 3 months before she left while the mother has been in the child's life the whole time. I barely know the kid.

The mother and child are in another state and likely won't come to my state to take part in a custody hearing (hard to travel when you have warrants for your arrest)

No law enforcement is interested because I'm not proven to be the father. They wouldn't even write a report on the stolen money because she's nowhere nearby (great cops around here).

I have to get the test before asking for custody. It's going to be ordered by the court, but she's in a different state. Will the sherriff's office in another state help me enforce the test that was ordered in my state?

I live in Tennessee. An old girlfriend contacted me 3 months ago and told me we had a 1 year old daughter together. All evidence indicated that she was telling the truth. Long story short, I flew across the country and moved them back here and me and the mother dated and tried to be a "family". It was actually going pretty well...

I finally scheduled a paternity test in order to make everything legal between me and the child. The mother said she was fine with it, but the day before the test I came home to find that she had disappeared with $1500 of my money. I contacted her mother (baby's grandmother) who said she had gotten in an argument with her the day before because she had came to the grandmother's house drunk with the baby in the car.

Now I have reason to believe that she is in another state with an old boyfriend who has a criminal record a mile long, a history of drug abuse and alcoholism, and outstanding warrants in my state. I believe they were planning this for a week or more, and she fled before the test so I couldn't have any control over the child.

If this kid weren't mne, I'd have no choice but to walk away, but if it is, I have to get her and give her a good home (yes I can and will provide that).

I have hired a lawyer who is filing a petition to ask the court to force a paternity test, but if she is served with papers, she will just disappear again. I assume the only repercussion would be that she gets a contempt of court charge in my state, and she wouldn't care about that.

I've spoken with the police but they can't do anything.

Is there anything else I can do?