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I absolutely defend every shred of advice that I gave to you.  I work with FAR too many child sexual assault cases to believe that the DA's office got involved in this case based purely on a controlling demended father.  In fact, I staunchly believe that when abuse is happening in a situation where the families are not intact that it is SO much harder for children to be protected.  The parent trying to protect their child from abuse must first climb the 'its just a custody' mountain.  There is absolutely no way that CPS, would have made that determination, and that the DA's office got involved unless there was more to it then a dad being vindictive.  No way, no how.  


Your boyfriend failed a lie detector test.  I don't care who you are..my hubby, my brother..my whatever...if my kid says that you touched him, and you fail a lie detector...see ya later.  No person in the entire world is worth putting my child at risk, no matter HOW much I love them (ie. don't want to believe that its true).


I've seen sexually abused children cry in my office because based on the abuse from boyfriends mother, and their mother continuing to defend her boyfriend..the child was placed in foster care.   And the child misses her home, and misses her mother..and doesn't get the enormity of the situation.  I've had kids tell me that the prefered to be abused rather then endure a seperation from their mom.  Because they want to return to their mother's care..does that mean that they weren't abused..absolutely not.  

I have sympathy for those that are wrongly accused..does it happen.  Sure.  I've seen it first hand and the child in the case, along with the accused are horrible victims.  Its a terrible thing, and I've seen it first hand.  However, based on the nonsense written in this post I highly doubt that this is one of them.

Child molesters are very manipulative charming people.  How else could they do what they do.  They are 'likable' people by definition.  Which is why they are so good at getting away with this kind of crap.  

Ok.  You say you care.  Good, your daughter is going to need as much support as she can possibly get. You say that you're part of a SART team, well then you should know that while it is important for her to get an medical attention, you also realize that after a week the chances of finding any physical evidence during a FRE is almost nill.  I've seen the DA's office request that child victims NOT get FRE's for a variety of reasons.  Given your history of supporting the perp..I highly doubt that they're letting you on on a lot of the details in your bf's criminal investigation.  Start supporting your daughter and maybe that will change.


Regardless the thing that everyone has a problem with is the fact that you're still with the boyfriend.  Given that there is even the tiniest chance that its true is it worth the risk?  What man is worth that?  

If you're serious about getting your daughter back, and in the very least gaining substantial visitation then you need to prove to CPS, to dad, to everyone that you can that BF is out of the picture.  At least until everything is cleared up.  

As part of a SART team you should also be aware that each victim handles their victimization VERY differently, how you reacted when you were a child is not necessarily how your daughter will react.  I've seen kids cry and cry to return to the home of their abuser.  I've seen children who were almost killed by their parents trying their entire lives to forge relationships with them.  I've seen children abused as children allow their abusers to have access to their very own children.  Everyone reacts differently.

When you grow up in a family where there was sexual abuse your likelihood of becoming victimized again is very great, as is your chance of marrying an abuser.  What dad did to you when you were pregnant is horrible, and that wasn't ok.  I hope that you've received counseling, or are planning to do so.

So the best thing that you can do is to prove to everyone, by jumping through whatever hoops necessary that your primary focus is your daughter.  Right or wrong (in your mind) that cannot be accomplished while having a relationship with present boyfriend.  Unfortunately right now, as of this moment you have to make a choice, your daughter or your boyfriend?  As a mom, I know what I would pick.  So..Liz..what is your choice going to be?


And BTW..no one called you a 'bad mother'  I would say however, that you ARE a mother who has made VERY VERY bad choices.  But it might not be too late for you....

You should put your words into more paragraphs so that its easier to read..a lot of people will not wade through that.


I am a sexual assault counselor..and I talk to a lot of mom's like you everday.  Quite honestly if your BF failed a lie detector test its most likely because he is a child molester..and NOT because he was sickened by the questions that he was asked (one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard).  Your primary job as a mom is to do everything in your power to protect your daughter..and not to rehash the past, and try to justify whatever decisions have been made that you didn't like.

I see you being primarily concerned with feeling alienated from your daughter and not at all being concerned for her safety.  Your bf is a child predator..and you're concerned about being isolated from your daughter?  Its no wonder really, I've never even met you and I can tell that you're primary concern is your BF and NOT your daughter.  Kudos to dad for keeping his daughter away from the mess that you're propagating.  Please stop procreating and get some counseling.  Search google for rape crisis centers in your county, call one, and take the advice of a counselor on how to best support your daughter and NOT the perp.  Think about your daughter and how horrible this must be.  Can you imagine being sexually assaulted and having your mother stand by your offender?  I say this to help you seriously, and I hope that you take some of my words to heart.  GL!