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My fiance and I just went back to court to modify the old CS amount. Under the old equation, he was paying BM $527 a month based on a 15% timeshare. After a long battle of ustrying to get the kids, we were finally successful in getting a 50% custody arrangement and we went back to court to have the Child support amount adjusted. BM makes $4700 a month from her state salary (for which she provided a pay stub to verify) and additional income from being in the National Guard. However, after first stating in court and under oath that she's no longer in the national Guard, she then 'fessed up but claimed she made no additional income from it. Upon further questioning, she admitted to making "fifty bucks every three months or so" and the judge didn't require her to provide any further documentation. Also, when the attorney for CSS inputed the numbers, the showed my fiance as having a take home pay of $2250 (he takes home $1950) and her take home as $3400 (she takes home $3700). So needless to say, the child support amount was less then what it should be. Also, although the previous court order stated that the father would be responsible for providing medical insurance (which he's been doing for the past two years) her pay stub shows that she's claiming two dependants on her medical insurance (they have three kids and the two dependents she's claiming are most likely her girlfriend's children as her girlfriend is unemployed and has no insurance). Also, the court order states that she is to provide him with copies of the kid's birth certificates and social security cards in addition to all the Medi-cal paperwork, but despite his repeated requests, she has yet to do so. Also, even though the court order says that the kids are supposed to come back home in the clothes we send them in, we'll send them in jeans and sweaters but they'll come back in shorts and t-shirts and usually without underwear. So my questions are as follows:

1. How can we prove that she is in fact making additional income from being in the National Guard?

2. How can we fix the amounts listed on both of their income and expense declarations?

3. Can we ask the court to verify who is actually being covered on her health insurance?

4. Can (and should) we file a contempt of court since she's not providing him with paperwork or returning our belongings?

My fiance's been dealing with this for a long LONG time. BM moved the kids away, wouldn't allow him to see them, then told the courts that she had no way to find him, and quit her job in order to receive additional child support. He ended up having to drop out of school and pay half his paycheck even though shortly after filing for CS, she found a new job and was making more then twice what he made. We had to lay out a lot of money trying to fight for the kids, and it would be nice if the court was as eager to go after her as they were to go after him. Any help and/or advice would be much appreciated. Oh, and we're located in California.

A coworker of mine has had full custody of his son for the past eight months, but due to several kinks in the CS system, he's still paying his ex child support for their son. The case is currently located in Imperial, CA, yet he and his son live in Sacramento, CA. Can he open a new CS case in Sacramento considering that his son is now considered to be a resident of Sacramento County? He and his ex also have a daughter who still resides with the mother in Imperial; does that have any bearing on the case?

Any information that you can give would be much appreciated. He's a good guy and I hate to see him have to go through this. Thanks.

Although I hesitate to stray off topic anymore than I already have, I do feel the need to reiterate that you are confusing luck with work. And I agree that I would never tell someone that they should follow the exact same path that we did, however, it most certainly is an option to go through the court system by yourself.

I too have heard the horror stories of folks trying to wade through the system on their own, but I've also known others BESIDES my fiance and I who were able to successfully represent themselves. This is not merely something that WE were able to do, but something that has been done by others as well, and while all but one occurred in CA, they were not all in the same jurisdiction, thus negating that whole "getting lucky" thing. Obviosuly circumstances very from state to state, but I believe to make the blanket statement that it should never be recommended to rep. yourself is ignorant and pessimistic.

But back to the topic at hand, whatever course you choose to follow in pursuing custody, I wish you the best of luck. It's hard for father's to get their kids, but it's worth the fight. Don't get discouraged and whether you choose to hire a lawyer or not, it won't be smooth sailing. You will have to fight, but there's no reason you can't win. Hold a good thought.

I take offense to your above statement. We worked hard to do what we did and the end result was that we got the kids. Yes, the forms in California are access-ready (Declaration of Compliance with a Court Order, Request for Modification of Visitation, Contempt of Court, etc.), but we did have to read up in order to get the wording and language to a point where the court would accept it. And it does take time to get through the court system, whether you have an attorney or not, that's just the way the system works. You can't simply tell someone to get an attorney when they're specifically concerned about the costs. Of course there's price on family, but many people don't have the money, plain and simple. I know of cases where the fathers (or mothers!) have spent thousands and ended up with nothing. Try coupling that with paying CS and see how much of an attorney you can even afford.

And as I stated above, this was not simply a matter of "luck" so much as hard work. We had to deal with two SEPARATE judges throughout the duration of the long-cause hearing. Surely you wouldn't suggest that we happened to get luck, twice in a row, in the same court system, with two completely different judges.

If the parent can afford an attorney, then by all mean, he should look into hiring one. If nothing else, it's a lot less stress to have someone who's well-versed (theoretically) in the law to wade through the system for you. But please refrain from making such general statements or from assuming that the only way to win if you represent yourself is if you, as you put it, get lucky. It's not easy, but you can represent yourself in court and win. I know because that's exactly what we did.

I'm sorry, but I completely disagree. My fiance and I fought a highly contested custody battle for his three kids. His ex had a lawyer and she still lost the court battle (she was a terrible lawyer, but still. My fiance and I have no law background whatsoever and represented ourselves). We now have fifty-fifty custody, with a week on week off schedule.

If you educate yourself on the court process and do everything by the book (proper service, correct forms, timely filings) there's no reason that you can't rep yourself. Quite frankly it doesn't seem very helpful to tell a guy who's already worried about not being able to see his kid, and who's stressed out about the expense of hiring a lawyer, that he's an idiot to even try and attempt to wade through the system on his own.

Just my two cents.

Personally, I would let her take your son to the shower. It's a good mark to have on your record of cooperation. Just don't agree to it unless you can confirm with her IN WRITING (e-mail is fine) that you get make-up time on another day. It's unreasonable for her to expect that you would give up your time without the promise of make-up time and if she doesn't agree, then stick to the court ordered schedule.

Since you're going back to court at the end of May, you need to make sure that you can establish that you have had a consistent loving relationship with your son. Write up a parenting plan (there are some great resources on this website) and make sure to include transportation stipulations if you don't want to get stuck doing the driving both ways. Good luck!