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I don't cry when they are gone.  I enjoy the weekends with my husband, but I am nervous that my ex will not have the patience needed for 2 brothers who constantly pick on each other.

My current husband is not close to my children.  Unfortunately, his daughter who is now 17, left 11 months ago from our house because she and my husband had a disagreement.  She has missed so many important things in our lives as we have missed hers.  This really takes its toll on my husband when she does not acknowledge anything (no Christmas card, birthday, or father's day).  He, knowingly, is being stubborn because when it happened, we were told by her stepfather that she would call when she is ready.  It has been almost a year--how long does that take???

anyways, when the boys are home, they get all they need from me, which sometimes is a huge weight on my shoulders.  they do not like their stepdad because he is strick.  Their dad simply wasn't around the way a dad should have been.  I did not have the help and support in raising 2 boys before we were divorced.  Now I have the help and my boys don't understand why their stepdad gets upset when they talk back to me or don't listen the first time.

The boys have come a long way--believe me.  I am very proud of them. They didn't see their dad on Father's day because he asked them if they wanted to and they said no.  He did not force the issue.  I, on the other hand, said they should see him because he loves them.  They reply that they get ignored and forgotten about.  It is heartbreaking.  I keep neutral as I can about it and really encourage them to try with him.

It is so hard for me to imagine what their little lives are like.  My parents have been married 43+ years and are very happy and stable.  I really wish I had that for my boys, but I don't and I'm trying my hardest to make their lives happy.

Thanks for being there, everyone.  This helps so much.

to the last two replies, let me say this.  When their father and I were married, he was a slug.  He did nothing around the house and the kids knew it.  When they asked him to play, he always made an excuse (like--as soon as the "game is over"  or after I read the paper). This was the relationship they had when we were married.

then he met someone else, even though he claimed our marriage was fine.  I was actually glad because I often thought about leaving him but wanted to stay together for the kids sake.

3 years ago, I met a wonderful man and married him after 2-1/2 weeks.  I am very happy.  He helps me discipline the children since I had no help with that when I was married before.  The children walked all over me and I was very distraught.  they boys are much better now, listening better etc. and helping around the house.  Sometimes they question why they have to do things (like keep their room clean or take out the garbage), but for the most part things around our house are good.

Their father is not a disciplinarian and never was.  He was hit a lot when he was a kid and I'm glad he does not do that to his own children. (he knows if that happened, I'd never let the boys around him). We have a fine relationship.  We can talk and discuss things.  We do not avoid each other; we have moved on.  We live within a few miles of each other which makes it convenient for the kids.  By no means do I miss him or the crummy relationship we had.  Believe me, I know I am where God wants me to be and I'm very happy.

I never speak poorly of their father in front of them.  I always encourage them to visit on dad's weekends.  It is almost forceful sometimes if they really don't want to go.

Their dad is consumed with his own life and his own happiness.  I really think he sees the kids as an obligation, not as a gift.  They are precious children and I want their childhood to be as happy and fulfilled as possible.  I will do whatever it takes to get that accomplished.  If that means I am overprotective, so be it.  I only want my boys to grow up emotionally stable the way I was brought up.  I have a great relationship with my parents and I want the same for my children.

Thanks for the advise.  My kids are so confused right now.  Everyone is right that they need to find their own happiness and if going to dad's is boring, they are old enough to do something about it.  They need to get outside and not be slugs on the couch.  He lives in a family neighborhood.

A bad thing my younger one said  and I don't know if it is true, is that his dad told them if they don't want to come over they don't have to.  That has to be horrible for a kid to hear.

I hope that isn't the case, but if it is, I'll keep them.

Thank you very much.  It is so hard, not knowing what goes on and if I'm really hearing what happened or only hearing the bad stuff.  They both love their dad, and I'm a mother hen and am very protective.  I want to see that they are enjoying their life as much as possible.  I hate having them leave for their visits.  It really crushes me and I have anxiety attacks the week before every visit, even though we have been divorced for almost 5 years.

My 2 boys, 13 and 11, do not enjoy visiting their dad every other weekend.  He makes excuses and delays playing with them (he's always been like that).  He takes them places, but the minute the boys start bickering, their dad yells, swears, demeans and sometimes hits them.  They both have said they do not want to go back.  Can I legally keep them at home?  They have no friends in his neighborhood (which is their own fault). I am torn between having them visit their dad and being miserable those 2 days and keeping them home, dealing with his wrath.  then I'm nervous that if I do send them over there, he will take out his frustration on them.  I don't think he would seriously hurt them, but I have never advocated spanking let alone abuse.

Do I have the right and obligation to allow my children to pick whether or not they visit their dad or do I have to make them go?:(