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Hey folks! I haven't had much to share lately, but I'm having some mixed feeling that I need to vent.

SD is now 24 and has been estranged for 3 years. The PAS that DH's X did worked. We really thought Sd would figure it our when she got older but that hasn't come to pass.

Our only way of knowing if she is alive is through google searches and court records. Everything is locked down, so even the google searches don't come up with much anymore.

Last we saw, DH's X was going to court again with her lender for foreclosure on her home. From what records show she was not working with them to come to an agreement, surprise surprise. Her house was on the market and was just taken off. I'm assuming the foreclosure went through and the bank will list it now or it will go up for auction. You would think there would be a degree of schadenfreude and maybe there is but it is really buried.


His ex was a terrible person to DH and even worse, screwed up SD terribly. I don't feel for X but I know SD was living with her and now I'm so concerned about her. I also know we will have an impossible time knowing where in the world she is living. It makes me feel I am losing her again, even though the only "contact" we've had was finding a picture on google images or seeing her mom's court documents.

SD is sadly probably just as sick as her mom and I don't want that pain to be around DD. I don't want SD in our lives right now. I don't know what I want. I miss her. I think about her daily. She is a part of our lives that is missing but I don't know if I really want it back.   

Hi guys!

It's been a long time. I hope everyone is doing well.

My SD is now 22 years old. Our story, at least my part, started when she was only 5 years old.

SD has now cut us off for 2 years. I miss her terribly but am really concerned about reuniting. We have a wonderful 3 yo now and I don't look forward to introducing her into that drama.

I tried using my old techniques to find out where she is and how she's doing but she is very well hidden.

Take care,
Ref

Thanks for the congrats! My little girl is so amazing. We are really lucky.

I have to add some more to the story. DH's cousin ,who he was raised with as a brother, is the biggest a**hole. I'm so pissed and I don't have anyone to talk to about it, so you guys get to hear the vent (sorry)

Russ, DH's cousin, is a loser. He is gay (not the loser part) and lives off of the men he dates and his very ill mother (the loser part). He hasn't had a job since the 90's. He sits around on the internet all day. He's an a**hole and never liked me. He always liked DH's ex because she was a tough b*tch and he likes sassy women. I am much less emotional (crazy) and he finds that boring. He created drama at our wedding by wanting to bring 2 boyfriends instead of the usual "and guest" and again caused issues with DH's 40th birthday party.  He told Sd that he sides with PBFH at our wedding.

He is a lot like PBFH. He expects the world to hand him everything.

Anyway, SD defriended everyone in DH and my family after DH refused to send her money after she caused him to lose $500 on a plane ticket she decided not to use to visit. At first she just defriended me. Then she slowly defriended everyone in my family and DH's family. DH was hurt. He asked my family, whoever was left, to defriend her. By the time I did, she already defriended them. DH also asked Russ to defriend her. I know it was childish, but DH was hurt and needed his support. Russ never responded.

I just got limited access to SD's facebook and saw SD is still friends with Russ. He's the only family member on there. I'm livid. If Russ called DH and told him he wanted to stay friends with SD and MAYBE tried to help DH with the situation that would be one thing. He didn't say a word. I think he is siding with PBFH again. He is the cool "uncle" that does drugs and lives off of other people.

I'm so sorry to vent. I have had enough of Russ throwing DH under the bus. I didn't respect him before but at least for now I hate him.

Wow! It is like a reunion coming back here. I just came to add an update on my 20 yo SD on the Stepparent's board. I wish mine had as good of an ending as yours. Congratulations! I am so happy for you and your family!!!

It's so exciting! SD is 20 now and having almost 2 solid years without PBFH in it has been a dream!!!

Enjoy Enjoy Enjoy!!

I don't know if any of you remember me, buy I posted on here all the time between 2001 and 2008.

Just a brief summary:
DH was dealing with long distance relationship with SD. Typical PAS stuff. Mom lied about everything related to dad. Sd believed it all. I wont go in to the details because its mostly typical and terrible stuff you guys have dealt with. Dh followed the high road rules and never bad mouthed PBFH infront of SD.

Now SD is 20. It has been blissfully quiet on the PBFH front since she graduated high school. We since had a baby (Amelia) who is 17 months.

SD has turned into a manipulative SOB just like her mom. She threatens not to come visit if he doesn't send money. She lives with her mom now and goes to junior college. They both just lost their jobs. DH pays car and health insurance. Bought her a laptop and a car. Anyway, drama continues and it isn't looking good for DH and SD's relationship.

My biggest concern right now is my dd. I don't want her involved in any of this poison. None of it.

I just wanted to drop a line and let you guys know, and some of you newbies, that the decision you make to take the high road should be for your conscience to rest, not to expect a great outcome in the end. Although the fat lady hasn't sung, I honestly couldn't tell you that we did the right thing relative to DH and SD's relationship. The only thing I know is that we did the right thing for our conscience.

Thanks 4honor and Mixed. I don't think DH will be sending BM a letter of any sort. I think we would rather jump out a window at this point. After all of these years of BM flipping out over nothing, I can't imagine even the most civil and well-intentioned letter would cause anything but more issues. DH tried that route for 15 years only to be assaulted by her (verbally, not physically).

I do agree that if BM had a shred of reason, that would be the way to go. It is unfortunately not the case here.

Thanks guys!

I called the IRS and the agent said that all we need to do is file with them and a letter will go out to both our homes once the error is found asking for a return to be amended. As long as we have the docs in place that are needed, we should be fine. We should get the full refund and whatever adjustments needed will come later.

We will not take this to court. It would simply not be worth the money, time or aggravation.

Every year I extend our return because I'm a public accountant and by the time I get done doing everyone elses returns, I can't get to ours. Anyway, I just went to file electronically for Fed and State and the return was rejected because BM already filed with SD as a dependent.

This is DH's year to claim SD. He has all the docs required. Now we have to paper file.

So this is our problem. SD graduated highschool this year. DH is finally free from all the craziness of BM, for the most part. He would lose out on a chuck of cash if he lets it slide, but we are expecting a baby soon and could really use the cash. On the other hand, who needs the additional stress of a crazy BM in our lives anymore....

Anyway, to make a short story long , if DH were to paper file and claim SD as he is entitled to, how will BM be notified? I am picturing a letter from the IRS stating that she underpaid and needs to pay back the money she got from claiming SD.

What do you think?

Ref

After weeks of phone tag (thanks to BM still refusing to let DH call SD's cellphone), SD called. Dh asked her about prom and graduation. He talked to her about our visit coming up and then ...he told her that she was going to be a big sister.

After she shook off the shock, she was very happy and excited. What a relief! She asked to talk to me, which she hasn't done since before she turned 14. She asked me all sorts of questions and said she was looking forward to coming up this summer to help pick out baby things.

My initial guess about how she would handle it was that she would be happy but after she told her mom and her mom put her evil spin on it, SD will have a change of heart. I hope I'm wrong and just enjoying this moment right now.

Thanks to all of you for all the support and advice over the past 13 years. I don't know how we could have made it through without you.

Ref