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I can't offer any advice but I am really curious to hear if there are any helpful suggestions on dealing with an ex who has BPD.  We are going through the same thing, and it is unbelievably difficult to co-parent.  It's nearly impossible for him to have a conversation with his ex, and I have never in my life dealt with someone who is so mentally unbalanced.  I have zero communication with her but she is consumed with finding ways to hurt both of us.  The only thing we have learned to do is the same that you have been doing - document everything!  We have had to file numerous police reports due to her violating the restraining order he has against her, court orders, etc.  She keeps getting in trouble with the courts but cannot control her impulsiveness.  Anger controls her.  Unfortunately their children are exposed to all of this, and even with her violent history, they still share custody.  She has been working very hard at turning the children against their father, because for her, custody time = money.  She refuses to work.  The children are becoming very confused due to her "stories" about their father.  He just started therapy with them again.  She refused to take part in it and blamed all of their problems on him.  I think it's typical for a person with BPD to blame all of their problems on everyone else.  Her explanation to the kids about her violations of the orders was that she wasn't doing anything wrong, their dad is "harassing" her!  

They can't communicate via e-mail (which would have been best) because she told the judge that she was worried he would send a virus to her computer.  So he is forced to have conversations with her, which generally are nothing but screaming and yelling by her.  I suggested he text message her, but she won't respond in writing.  My opinion is she knows anything in writing could be used against her, so she won't leave a paper trail.  If anyone can offer any suggestions on how to better deal with this, we would greatly appreciate it.  It's just amazing how emotionally draining this had been.  

I can absolutely understand a judge being less lenient on modifying parenting time for a parent who CHOOSES not to exercise visitation on "their" weekend.  But as I said before, in our case DH has NO choice in work scheduling - he works a state job (not going into too many details here, but there are "maximum enforcement" periods where NO ONE gets the weekends off) and although he asks for his weekends off when he has his kids, he can't always get them.  Since BM doesn't want them with me, they can spend their weekends with grandmother, aunts, and cousins, which they had done most of their lives anyway.  It was never an issue until recently, when the PAS started up.  

Now BM doesn't want them with anyone in DH's entire family circle, saying if he can't be there, they should be with her.  But in her mind, it's perfectly acceptable for them to be either home alone or with a sitter when SHE has to work or have her social life.  Interesting the way her mind works - it's ok for HER to have a job that takes her away from her kids while in her care, but NOT ok for their Dad.  It also (in our opinion) has very little to do with what's in the children's best interest, it's all about getting a higher percentage of custody because that means more child support for her.   And the fact that he consistently asks for "make-up" time shows that he loves his kids and wants to spend his time with them.  He isn't choosing extracurricular activities over them.  I just wish they were able to see through their mother's manipulation and realize that all he has ever wanted is what is best for them.

That's what we are thinking is happening with my two SD's.  He has a career where his days off are never the same, and can't always get weekends off.  BM has been pushing PAS in various ways, and when he can't get a weekend off, she tells the girls that they don't have to visit, and tells them that their Dad obviously doesn't care enough about them to spend time with them.  That's not it at all, he has no choice.  For a long time he fought it but has recently started allowing them to stay with their mother on the days he is not off work, but ONLY on the condition that he gets make-up time later, on days that they weren't scheduled to be with him.  Actually getting the mother to agree to make-up days in another story, but we make sure that these "agreements" to trade time are by text message, so we have documentation if she ever tries to go back to court for increased custody time.  

We are going through something similar, BM keeps violating the custody agreement.  This last incident she kept the kids during one of their week-long breaks, refused to allow them to go to their father's, even though it clearly stated on the custody agreement that it was his week.  Law enforcement was called, a report was taken.

The BM in this case has a history of violating court orders, and all along we have had to document every incident on police reports.  For more than two years, the reports went to the DA's office and nothing further happened.  I suppose the DA finally got sick of it, and she was arraigned last month for this latest violation.  Court trial should be occurring in the next couple of months, and I am not sure what the outcome will be.  I would think that even if the fine isn't large, and she doesn't face any jail time, she will probably be more cooperative in following the court orders after having to face the judge.  

The sad part in all of this is the kids are the ones who suffer.  They are dealing with psychological issues due to the constant chaos in their lives.  Their mother has told the kids after every violation that she's "not doing anything wrong" and she has to go to court because their father is "harrassing her."  He tries to explain that he HAS to get the courts involved to maintain his relationship with them, and he hates having to do that.  

My only suggestion is to document EVERYTHING.  Whether it's through e-mail, text message, anything, whatever you can use to prove you tried to do it first without the court's intervention.  If you can show she is willfully violating the custody agreement, and your husband tried to resolve it himself, it will make him look better in court.  (If it goes that far.)   Good luck with this, I hope it gets better for your family.