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I am in the very earliest stages of the divorce and we have yet to be in court.  We have had a single meeting together with both of our attorneys present.  My hope, and I think hers too, is that we don't have to use the court, that we can reach a negotiated settlement as quickly as possible.

Wow Kent - it sounds like you have one heck of a story to tell...

I too am concerned about the possibility of PAS as it runs in her family (she does not communicate with her mother), and she has used the children vainly to try to get at me.

I keep trying to remind myself that the only way for the children to become alienated from me, would be for me to do it to myself.  Anything that their mother might say about me or do to me, will not reconcile with the love, support, friendship and guidance that I provide them.  I keep trying to remind myself that any attempts at alienating them, can only backfire.  I know that is very utopian, but, if I can't believe in that, then I wouldn't be able to continue.  The thought of my children not reciprocating crushes me.  This is my greatest fear in the entire dissolution.  I/We are custodians of their future...

So how did you manage to do it?  I'm new to the forum, so I don't know the whole history and am curious...

Wow - very well thought out responses, and very hopeful as well.  I guess it all just seems overwhelming right now, and I probably need to relax a little bit and roll with the changes.

One other question I have - how did you end up as sole custodian, and what type of visitation do the children have with you/your ex wife?

I recognize the children's need to be with both their mother and father - which is why I want my custodial and visitation negotiations to begin at joint 50/50, but, their mother seems to be using some poor judgement in terms of parenting decisions.  The children are too young to recognize this (5 and 3), but, they are decisions that I object to, and frankly, jeopardize their well being.

I am curious if you managed to get your arrangement through a voluntary negotiation, or litigation, and if so, what other details you could offer?

Thanks for the thougtful response too!

I am in the midst of a divorce, and am negotiating a joint legal residential custodial arrangement with my wife, allowing 50% visitation for both of us.

I Badly want to make this work for all of us, but, am interested in finding some resources, especailly locally, to help single fathers get established after a divorce.

There is so much that seems to need to get done to get setup, continue with the divorce, maintain effectiveness at work, support the children and their activities, maintain some degree of individuality/identity, etc...  I know people make it work.  Any suggestions on resources, or where to start?