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should he write a letter to the mother directly or through an attorney? she will not be cooperative at all on this issue.  the mother would rather pawn the daughter off to her boyfriend and his father rather than see the daughter happy (or anyone happy for that matter).  
what about the issue with the live-in boyfriend?  there is a law here (i dont know about anywhere else) that says that you are not allowed to have live-ins   if they are not the parent of your children.  for that matter, it states that you are not to have "company" at your home past the children's bedtime.  is there any way to fight with this angle?
and we NEVER ever ever say anything negative about the mother.  as badly as we would like to, the mother is till the mother and the daughter loves her no matter what.  that's why my BF doesn't want to take his daughter away from the mother....no matter how much we want to do that very thing, it is not in a child's best interest to not have contact with it's parents if they are able.  
thanks!

Right now he gets every other weekend and every Tuesday.  He gets 4 weeks in the summer and they alternate on the holidays.  She also lets him have her whenever she has other plans or when she is too "busy" to keep the kids.  The mother has another daughter by another man (who is now in jail for attempted murder).  She has stated on numerous occasions that she cannot handle both of the girls together.  We have little trouble with the daughter aside from the usual kid fits.  She loves her mother, but she cries when it is time to go home and gets really meek and depressed saying that she hates the b/f.
I just get so frustrated because I know that the only reason her mother even fools with her is so she has something to control my b/f with.  it is a game with her.  I mean, the daughter had a yeast infection on her inner thigh...the mother sent her to school with it instead of taking her to the Dr.  By the time my b/f got her on Tuesday it was infected and very uncomfortable.  It isn't like it would cost her anything to take her either...she is just lazy.
If we can't get him custody, what are the odds we can get him named as Primary Care Giver?  The best interest of the child would definitely be to his favor.  He can provide a much more stable life for his daughter.  The mother is on every sort of assistance known to man, and also takes an anti-depressant (for what I do not know), and she is unemployed.  My b/f has a good job, is continuing his education so that he can teach, and has the help of his mother for babysitting, and does not have questionable ethics as far as having women in and out of his place.  Plus, she WANTS to be at his house.  I know they won't take that into consideration though since she is only 4.
Sorry, I didn't mean to rant again, I just get really angry when I think about it.
Thanks!

You may want to go at this from another angle...does the b/f live with the mom?  i know in our state (KY) there is an old law on the books that says that the custodial parent shall not have live-ins and will not entertain company past the children's bed time.  Therefore, effectively you can go to an attorney and tell them you want the b/f out.  You will have to take it from there.  I don't know anything about what happens after that....we have not gotten that far.  We have never been faced with an actual "hitting" incedent but the live-in in my case has spanked the child so hard with a belt that it left a bruise.  
Good luck to you!

I am the girlfriend.  My boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter.  They have joint custody with the mother being the Primary Care Giver.  She is an abominable person.  I won't bore you with every little detail that has gone on in the past year, but in short, he wants to get custody, or if nothing else, be named as Primary.  She has a live-in boyfriend who spanks the daughter.  The mom constantly neglects the child's needs by not taking her to the doctor when needed and letting her play outside without supervision (she almost drowned in a pond and has been hurt on several occasions, we have called the police to try and "catch her in the act", but to no avail).  Any time that he tries to talk with her about his concerns the mom uses the daughter against him like a pawn.  He does not want his daughter to be held as ransom by the mom.  She has been letting him see his daughter more than what is allowed in the papers as long as it is convenient for her, so whenever he makes her angry she says he cant have her and then turns around and tells the daughter her daddy doesn't want to see her.   She got mad one night and refused to give him the child's medicine because he was trying to reason with her. There are numerous other things that have happened.  She is currently being investigated by HUD because of the live-in boyfriend and his kids living with the mom. (This to me is teaching the child to lie and cheat, plus seeing mommy and the b/f sleeping in the same room has to have a negative effect on her little mind...she talks about people being naked and sleeping together and such)  He has spoken to two attorneys and both of them have said that the information he has (journals of events and what his daughter has told him, etc...) is not enough to take her from her mother.  Apparently the mom has to practically harm the child herself or the child has to has a near death experience before the courts will give custody over to the daddy.  we need help.  he feels trapped by this woman.  Whatever happened to "in the best interest of the child?"
If nothing else, thank you for listening.