I hav been using SPARc asa support off and on for over 6 years now. The first few months were very traumatic for me; I was facing a RO, my son who is very attached to me was traumatized, and I had to go pre se into my fight.
One thing that helped me was to use my experience from high school football for perspective. As a father in a hostile environment, it was like being on my own 10 yard line, down by 6 points. Going for the long pass was untinkable; all I could do was grind out yards one play at a time, and to keep getting first downs. Eventually I would be in position to score a toucdown, which I did. It took three years, but I ended up with a decent custody order that gave me 2 out of three weekends and every Wednesday evening.
Throught these many years, my child's mother has done many things to try to disturb me. At times she has succeeded. But I recall what a counsleor had told me during my first month of this ordeal, when i was using my employers help line to deal with the issue of my ex's tardy arrivals and no shopws for custodial periods. The counselor told me to stay focused on thinsg that were in my control, and to not let the things I had no control over prevent me from exceling in the things I had control over. It still works to bear that distinction in mind.
I sometime have used the analogy of a serious childhood illness, and the trials such an illness would bring to me as a parent. It is my role to help my child in his fight for health and happiness, and to not let the tragedy he is facing destroy his chances for a happy life. The rest is just part of being alive: all this joy and suffering mixed in some indescribable tale of beauty and wonder. My son deserves the heritage of this perspective, and it is my never-ending goal to see that he gets it.
One thing that helped me was to use my experience from high school football for perspective. As a father in a hostile environment, it was like being on my own 10 yard line, down by 6 points. Going for the long pass was untinkable; all I could do was grind out yards one play at a time, and to keep getting first downs. Eventually I would be in position to score a toucdown, which I did. It took three years, but I ended up with a decent custody order that gave me 2 out of three weekends and every Wednesday evening.
Throught these many years, my child's mother has done many things to try to disturb me. At times she has succeeded. But I recall what a counsleor had told me during my first month of this ordeal, when i was using my employers help line to deal with the issue of my ex's tardy arrivals and no shopws for custodial periods. The counselor told me to stay focused on thinsg that were in my control, and to not let the things I had no control over prevent me from exceling in the things I had control over. It still works to bear that distinction in mind.
I sometime have used the analogy of a serious childhood illness, and the trials such an illness would bring to me as a parent. It is my role to help my child in his fight for health and happiness, and to not let the tragedy he is facing destroy his chances for a happy life. The rest is just part of being alive: all this joy and suffering mixed in some indescribable tale of beauty and wonder. My son deserves the heritage of this perspective, and it is my never-ending goal to see that he gets it.