I'm hoping someone here might have some advise or *possibly* has been in a similar situation... I apologise that this post is very long! It is a bit of a vent but also a backstory. Any comments or suggestions are most welcome. Anyone who has any experience with being active duty and command sponsering step-children, please share!
I left my now ex-husband over 5 years ago with our son who was 18 mo. For five years we had very little contact, no regular support, no involvement. Late in 2005 my now ex moved close to where we are and wanted to "resume" being a parent. I allowed our son to visit his dad regularly, working up to every weekend. I also finally filed for divorce, there was and remains no way that we can reconcile.
Our son suffered two serious injuries while in his father's care; a broken collarbone and a dislocated thumb. His father called me about the broken collarbone, said he didn't know what was wrong and was not responsiblie enough to get our son to the ER himself. These injuries and a combination of other irresponsible behavior (backing out of a planned weekend visitation because there happened to be a festival he wanted to go to) really made me question whether regular visitation was the best thing but at the same time knowing that my son was enjoying time with his "new" dad.
The last straw was his father "forgetting" to pick him up from daycare on a new "midweek visitation plan" - he had requested every other weekend and Wednesdays. I agreed but once he failed to pick up our son from daycare that Wednesday night I decided to stop visitation. That was in October of 06.
Four days before Christmas his father picked him up from daycare. We had no prior arangement for this visitation, nor would he answer his phone when I called him, frantic. They were not at his house, I couldn't find them. Needless to say I got the police involved, to no avail as there was no court order preventing him from picking up his son if he wished to do so.
For two days I didn't get any word from him. Finally he called, apologised and acknowledged that what he did was wrong and offered to meet and drop off our son with me. Following this incident I continued, with my lawyers advise, to not allow visitation.
He applied for visitation, we had a court date this past June and judge granted regular visitation, every other weekend and stipulated that our son will continue to live with me. Our divorce is finialized, however, we still have a long custody battle ahead of us. He wants our son to live with him now and change schools.
On top of all this, I've had a steady boyfriend for 3 years who is active duty military. We have an infant son together and now that I am finally divorced, we want to get married. He has just been deployed and is worried about us all being taken care of financially if something were to happen to him.
My ex won't allow me to re-new my son's passport nor move to be with my finace upon his return from the mid-east; he has already been re-located since July and only just left for his deployment.
Ultimately I would support visitation. What I don't agree with is him suddenly controlling where we can live, we he can go to school, etc. when for 5 years he could have cared less. I feel completely stuck between a rock and a hard place; the judge doesn't seem to realize that there is no real history of co-parenting. He expects us to be able to communicate and agree on our son's schooling, living arrangements, etc. when we can't talk to each other. We communication via email but we disagree about everything. I am so completely frustrated I don't know what to do anymore.
ANY comments, suggestions, anything is appreciated!
Thanks for reading.
I left my now ex-husband over 5 years ago with our son who was 18 mo. For five years we had very little contact, no regular support, no involvement. Late in 2005 my now ex moved close to where we are and wanted to "resume" being a parent. I allowed our son to visit his dad regularly, working up to every weekend. I also finally filed for divorce, there was and remains no way that we can reconcile.
Our son suffered two serious injuries while in his father's care; a broken collarbone and a dislocated thumb. His father called me about the broken collarbone, said he didn't know what was wrong and was not responsiblie enough to get our son to the ER himself. These injuries and a combination of other irresponsible behavior (backing out of a planned weekend visitation because there happened to be a festival he wanted to go to) really made me question whether regular visitation was the best thing but at the same time knowing that my son was enjoying time with his "new" dad.
The last straw was his father "forgetting" to pick him up from daycare on a new "midweek visitation plan" - he had requested every other weekend and Wednesdays. I agreed but once he failed to pick up our son from daycare that Wednesday night I decided to stop visitation. That was in October of 06.
Four days before Christmas his father picked him up from daycare. We had no prior arangement for this visitation, nor would he answer his phone when I called him, frantic. They were not at his house, I couldn't find them. Needless to say I got the police involved, to no avail as there was no court order preventing him from picking up his son if he wished to do so.
For two days I didn't get any word from him. Finally he called, apologised and acknowledged that what he did was wrong and offered to meet and drop off our son with me. Following this incident I continued, with my lawyers advise, to not allow visitation.
He applied for visitation, we had a court date this past June and judge granted regular visitation, every other weekend and stipulated that our son will continue to live with me. Our divorce is finialized, however, we still have a long custody battle ahead of us. He wants our son to live with him now and change schools.
On top of all this, I've had a steady boyfriend for 3 years who is active duty military. We have an infant son together and now that I am finally divorced, we want to get married. He has just been deployed and is worried about us all being taken care of financially if something were to happen to him.
My ex won't allow me to re-new my son's passport nor move to be with my finace upon his return from the mid-east; he has already been re-located since July and only just left for his deployment.
Ultimately I would support visitation. What I don't agree with is him suddenly controlling where we can live, we he can go to school, etc. when for 5 years he could have cared less. I feel completely stuck between a rock and a hard place; the judge doesn't seem to realize that there is no real history of co-parenting. He expects us to be able to communicate and agree on our son's schooling, living arrangements, etc. when we can't talk to each other. We communication via email but we disagree about everything. I am so completely frustrated I don't know what to do anymore.
ANY comments, suggestions, anything is appreciated!
Thanks for reading.