Messages

I came across SPARC from a link at a Borderline Personality Disorder site.  
I'm going through a divorce.  My wife has alienated me from our 4yr old son for the past year.  She has claimed spousal abuse, rape/sexual assault, mental instability, and more.  She made the same claims against her first husband, and their children are 11yrs and 9yrs.  My wife has some emotional problems (mood swings, praises me then demonizes, blames, criticizes in front of children, never at fault, etc).  Her psych profile says she has narcissistic and histrionic personality.  Her family knows she is highly dramatic and her first divorce was ugly.  She plays the victim, becomes unreasonable and irrational, and blames others for everything.  Her first husband's psych profile says he has anti-social personality and seeks to be manipulative and believes he's above social law/norms.  He's not trustworthy, but my wife made him look like a horrible, dangerous person with all her allegations and even accused him of molesting their daughter, but now they joint parent, attend the children's activities together, and I am categorized as the evil, dangerous guy.  I'm a great dad and her family knows so, but blood is thicker than water and they continue to enable her.  She is saying I'm a violent sociopath with borderline personality disorder, yet all her traits show that she could be borderline.  She has made numerous criminal complaints and filed for restraining orders and it has taken the better part of a year to get supervised visitation with my son.  I want what is best for him, but not only was he taken away from a parent, which has to be detrimental (no contact from 39 mos. old - 49 mos. old), but now is trying to readjust and figure out who dad is.  And now she is demonizing his father (saying harmful things, telling him bad things about me) to his siblings and him, just as she used to do in front of her oldest two children about their father.  
My son is more important to me than anything in this world.  I want what is best for him and am extremely concerned about his emotional and psychological well-being.  I have no money and my wife is 110% financially supporter by her movie actor brother.
Please advise.

I came across SPARC from a link at a Borderline Personality Disorder site.  
I'm going through a divorce.  My wife has alienated me from our 4yr old son for the past year.  She has claimed spousal abuse, rape/sexual assault, mental instability, and more.  She made the same claims against her first husband, and their children are 11yrs and 9yrs.  My wife has some emotional problems (mood swings, praises me then demonizes, blames, criticizes in front of children, never at fault, etc).  Her psych profile says she has narcissistic and histrionic personality.  Her family knows she is highly dramatic and her first divorce was ugly.  She plays the victim, becomes unreasonable and irrational, and blames others for everything.  Her first husband's psych profile says he has anti-social personality and seeks to be manipulative and believes he's above social law/norms.  He's not trustworthy, but my wife made him look like a horrible, dangerous person with all her allegations and even accused him of molesting their daughter, but now they joint parent, attend the children's activities together, and I am categorized as the evil, dangerous guy.  I'm a great dad and her family knows so, but blood is thicker than water and they continue to enable her.  She is saying I'm a violent sociopath with borderline personality disorder, yet all her traits show that she could be borderline.  She has made numerous criminal complaints and filed for restraining orders and it has taken the better part of a year to get supervised visitation with my son.  I want what is best for him, but not only was he taken away from a parent, which has to be detrimental (no contact from 39 mos. old - 49 mos. old), but now is trying to readjust and figure out who dad is.  And now she is demonizing his father (saying harmful things, telling him bad things about me) to his siblings and him, just as she used to do in front of her oldest two children about their father.  
My son is more important to me than anything in this world.  I want what is best for him and am extremely concerned about his emotional and psychological well-being.  I have no money and my wife is 110% financially supporter by her movie actor brother.
Please advise.

Thank you for your response.
"IMHO"???

Personality -- I understand what you're saying and hope she finds someone else.  My whole marriage was turmoil and I never knew how to deal with my wife.  I have been seeking counseling, and even had myself tested and evaluated when she began claiming I was mentally unstable and borderline.  I'm unsure how to not reinforce her behavior but need to learn.  When she cut off contact in December '06, I didn't try to fight her but just expressed my desire to be involved with our son and how important that was to his development.  I'm a dad 110%, and she knows how much he means to me, but placating her didn't work.

When she first cut off contact, I had decided not to get us another place to live together, so I suppose that was her retaliation.  That was last December.  I thought a few days or even weeks would calm her down, but it didn't.  I tried going through her family as many of them know of her dramatics and felt I should see my son, but when it came down to it, nobody wanted to get involved.  She claimed abuse and apparently had pictures of bruises and I suppose the DA wanted to pursue the case.  I didn't have anything to hide, plead not guilty, but made the mistake of admitting to the police that we had argued often (even threatening behavior or intimidation can be a crime in domestic abuse if the partner shows they feel in danger), and trusted the public defender that nothing would come of it.  I was wrong, and didn't feel like the justice system served me.

It was then I learned she was trying to get a default judgment for div/cust. and I sought an attorney.  I retained an attorney who came highly recommended, but paid him $10,000 and in 5 months received nothing but a weekly 5 minute phone call to my 3 yr old.  I had no more money and went on my own.  I was about to get visitation last summer and then she filed a restraining order the day before it would have taken effect making claims that other abuse had occurred 8 months prior.  I had to wait a month for that hearing, which was moved to the family law court and delayed another month.  I had all my witnesses there and opposed all allegations, but the judge had a trial later that day and rescheduled us 3 months later for December '07.  So now it's been nearly a year.  At that hearing in September, even though the opposition was now also claiming rape, child endangerment, and other lies, the judge told them there was no reason I should not see my son and should have been for the previous 9 months.  He then ordered monitored visitation.

I've borrowed money and hired another attorney and return to court next week for a court ordered custody evaluation that will occur in the morning (not a full blown evaluation), and the hearing will be in the afternoon.  I would like psych eval's done on us to show her disorders, and also show how she has purposefully alienated myself and my family and demonized me to the detriment of our son.

Please let me know if you have any other feedback. Thank you.

I came across SPARC from a link at a Borderline Personality Disorder site.  
I'm going through a divorce.  My wife has alienated me from our 4yr old son for the past year.  She has claimed spousal abuse, rape/sexual assault, mental instability, and more.  She made the same claims against her first husband, and their children are 11yrs and 9yrs.  My wife has some emotional problems (mood swings, praises me then demonizes, blames, criticizes in front of children, never at fault, etc).  Her psych profile says she has narcissistic and histrionic personality.  Her family knows she is highly dramatic and her first divorce was ugly.  She plays the victim, becomes unreasonable and irrational, and blames others for everything.  Her first husband's psych profile says he has anti-social personality and seeks to be manipulative and believes he's above social law/norms.  He's not trustworthy, but my wife made him look like a horrible, dangerous person with all her allegations and even accused him of molesting their daughter, but now they joint parent, attend the children's activities together, and I am categorized as the evil, dangerous guy.  I'm a great dad and her family knows so, but blood is thicker than water and they continue to enable her.  She is saying I'm a violent sociopath with borderline personality disorder, yet all her traits show that she could be borderline.  She has made numerous criminal complaints and filed for restraining orders and it has taken the better part of a year to get supervised visitation with my son.  I want what is best for him, but not only was he taken away from a parent, which has to be detrimental (no contact from 39 mos. old - 49 mos. old), but now is trying to readjust and figure out who dad is.  And now she is demonizing his father (saying harmful things, telling him bad things about me) to his siblings and him, just as she used to do in front of her oldest two children about their father.  
My son is more important to me than anything in this world.  I want what is best for him and am extremely concerned about his emotional and psychological well-being.  I have no money and my wife is 110% financially supporter by her movie actor brother.
Please advise.