Messages

I do not know if this helps, but we have it written into our parenting plan that, whoever is living with the BM has to submit to a background check, in addition the BM and whoever lives there will be randomly tested for drugs and alcohol.  My fiancee and the BM were never married nor involved in a relationship though, and there are some other circumstances that may have allowed that to be a part of our plan. We also have a private investigator that periodically checks up on her. But she also told the courts she lives at one address but really does not live there, just floats.  
I hope that you are able to find a solution to your question, I know how frustrating it is being a part of something that you have no legal rights too.

Did you read any of the other posts today, we have moved past this, at least I have, and it appears others have as well,the great advice and good things people had to say were very enlightning. Please stop, thank you

Thank you for sharing your story with me, this whole experince has been an eye opener. My fiancee did not move away from the child, he finished college and we were living on the other side of the state before we even knew the child existed and the unfortunate part is, we can not move back to where the baby and the BM are. they live in a town that has maybe 100 people, his degree requires him to be in the city and sadly it may take us to another state, but if he does not work, then there is no money, no money, means no CS. I don't hate this woman, I just really hope that she will feel better about herself and make choices that are not just focused on herself but her children as well. On another note, the prosecutor informed us this afternoon that the BM has filed for prenatal care again, nothing is confirmed but that is suspect for being pregnant again. I want you to know that your words do help and I would love to continue to learn from all of you, so again thank you for sharing with me and I look forward to learning more.

No no I fully appriciate what you are saying and I apologize for coming off as snotty, again Im not, I assure you. I think that rubs me the wrong way is, while I see the advice you are giving, and its great!! I know that you are trying to keep me leavel headed and toughen me up, the sad part is ( and Im not saying this because im so involved with this) but this woman is the kind of person that you would not even leave your dogs alone with.  I guess I am really confused, again I get what your saying, but it doesn't make sense to me. On another note, we were able to meet the baby last weekend and he clung to us and didnt want to go back to his mother, that didn't make the situation any better, it's just a mess, she signed the parenting plan but then says she will only agree to parts of it, for instance and this one really stings; my fiancee and I both fought in the Iraqi war, a nearly 3 1/2 years served in the sandbox and the BM said that He could not have the baby on Veterans Day, when asked why, she said " its not a special day, who cares".  The BM is trying to pull the strings on everything, agreeing to meet us one place then claiming she has no car, and can we add another 90 miles to 550 we already drove to meet her. Please dont be offended by my next comment, but I saw children in Iraq that lived better than the BM does. If a person is on a TANF grant then they are supposed to be searchinf for work, she told my fiancee, she isn't and has no intention of doing so, that is what he is for. Im just confused, but please know I already removed myself from the situation, explainging to my fiancee that he needs to do all the legwork now, and I bought a pretty little suit to sit quietly in, while with the judge. Again I am sorry for the confusion, I just wish I could teleport you here so you could see it first hand, I feel like Im crazy sometimes!! Okay...snotty one out :-)

I am going to put this out there for the last time. I am not snotty, let us not forget that computers do not have the ability to give off inflection. I do not think that I am better than anyone, at all, this has nothing to do with material items that can be provided, I am not trying to be this childs mother. My post was about a mother who WILL not let the father have anything to do with his child, who will not cooperate, the list goes on. Forgive me for being concerned with the well being of my fiancees son, but when my fiancee has a private investigator watching her every move, sees her leaving her kids to go party, get high or whatever activity that day brings, then you are correct my "pedigree" might get the best of me.  Is there anyone here from Washington on this board by chance? In my investigation of this mess I have found that Washington has the most hosed up family law system, so if anyone has been through the system there, your advice is welcome.  I would like to ask questions but just seem a little deflated after fielding all this nonsense, my attempts at keeping this post on track have been tossed to the side. So how about this, lets just end this post, if anyone knows how to take it down or to leave it alone, let me know.

I did not bring up " who is worse than who"! I sought advice in regards to a mother that did not want to share custody and be cooperative. Do not put words in my mouth, I am trying to get advice not get a lesson in morals, because in this case, you are correct it took two to get into this situation. Now if you do not have anything beneficial to add to this topic, please keep your two cents to yourself, I am tired of sparing, we are not ten. Thank you

P.S. Im new...what does EOM stand for?

You are right he is just as guilty as she, but that was not the issue. The issue is the quality of life...ect and lack of cooperation on her part. Keep the topic on track, thanks

Thank you! I can not say how much your words lifted me, the tension in the knots consuming me are a little less at this moment. Any advice you have is always welcome. Again thank you!

You are right this is a very long road and I thank you all for your  advice, I'm not here to argue, I really am here to learn from others. In regards to the " roof over its head" comment, that is just it, this woman and her children do not have a home, they float to random places, who ever will take them in for that night is where they will stay. I can see that judges dont make the best choices, but all that aside and I ask this next  question with all seriousness, what makes the mother the better choice, why does the judicial system always leave a child with its mother? I know she carried them in her womb and in some cases, there is the breastfeeding issue, but when you boil it all down, why mommy and not daddy? Oh and would it be an option to right into the parenting plan that at an appropriate age the child can choose where he wants to live?

Okay I am guessing there has been some major confusion here, where in my statement did I say, I was going to talk to the judge, I was going to plead our case? I didn't, I know better than to open my mouth to a judge about a child that is not mine! I said "my fiancée and I are going to court", because we are! WE will be there, WE will be in the lawyer's office together, I talk to the lawyer and I am the one that does all the work. HOWEVER when in court, I will sit politely and speak only when spoken too. I know my legal rights and I am well aware of what a judge will and will not say to me. I do have a degree in law and justice myself, and if I specialized in family law I would be doing this all myself, EVEN though it would be a huge conflict of interest. Not that it is any business of yours, I am the one that has to do all of this research and coordinating because of the sensitive nature of my fiancées job, there are no phone calls home during the day, there are no days off in the middle of the week for court hearings and so on, ect. Perhaps I am passionate about this case because the mother drank and did drugs well into her 2nd trimester with the baby. She smokes while holding him on her lap, the list goes on. But not one place in my post did I say "I" was talking to a judge, no no it says WE and if you and anyone have ever gone to a shopping a mall, and someone asked you what you did, I am a 100% sure you said " We went to the mall" , so please do not misconstrue my words. I wanted advice on the situation; it is not a very common one and wanted to inquire if others had heard of something like this before. Even with my law experience I could not find a thing. SO I am apologizing for your confusion, but your words sting and make a touchy situation all the more uncomfortable.