Messages

Well, a short chat with an attorney & $500 later and we should only be a couple days away from knowing if the judge is going to order BM to return SD to us pending the outcome of the custody hearing when it is held. BM's lawyer asked for a continuance at the last minute so we had to talk to a lawyer to find out how to respond. She filed the paperwork asking for SD's return before I even got the retainer to her. We hired the meanest, most determined lawyer I know of in our area. I think she' s already anxious to rip BM to shreds in court.

We are gathering all our documentation to submit for our court hearing & need to know if anyone has ever prepared their own evidence for their cases. We know we have to take the documents in to the court clerk to serve BM & her attorney but we are unclear on how it is to be presented. Do the documents need to be labeled? In any specific order? Or do we just take copies of everything we have, shove them in an envelope, & send them out? Yes, we are appearing pro se & we know we would be better off with an attorney, but unlike BM, we can't stop paying our rent & lose our apartment just to pay for a lawyer. Besides, we think we have enough evidence to prove our case & we have received absolutely nothing from BM so apparently she has no evidence to support her. We think she only hired a lawyer to avoid flying up here to appear in court herself.

We have our custody hearing coming up & I'm trying to gather all documentation that will help us prove SD is better off with us & show how BM does things behind our back or simply doesn't take care of SD's needs. I want to get her dental records to show that there was serious neglect since she had never been to a dentist until we took her when she was 8 (and she had some major issues) and I would like to get copies of her medical records to show that she has placed her on prescription meds without ever notifying us or sending the medication during visitation. So do I just ask for a copy of the medical records or should I ask for summaries from the dotors or what?

We are working on getting a copy of her school record to show how many different schools she has been in & last year's teacher is writing us a letter about SD's emotional state & social adjustment while we had custody this past year. Is there any other documentation we should be thinking to gather? We have pictures we can bring to show the activities we do with SD (vacations, clubs, fairs, etc) since BM very rarely ever does anything with her. What else might make a difference in court?

We did send a notice of the court hearing via certified mail to BM's mother's house (where BM always tells us to send stuff to make sure it gets to her) and we have proof it was received there. We obviously couldn't send it restricted delivery since she wouldn't be at her mother's address to sign for it. I believe we also have a text message from her regarding the hearing so perhaps the judge will accept that as proof that she received notice of the hearing.

It kind of sounds like we're better off just waiting until the court date to present everything & hope the judge agrees that she is better off up here. SD has moved at least once every school year except for during the time she spent with us. She's only a year away from junior high & hasn't been able to make any close friends because she keeps moving to another school. And I can only imagine that the frequent school changes will have more of an impact on her grades as she's getting into junior high and high school. Something's gotta give.

As far as the school issue, SD went to school here last year & for a part of the year the year before. She is already registered for school here, I just went & talked to her school today. BM can't even try to register her until Monday. I really don't know what will happen when she tries to register her down there. I wouldn't think she would be able to register her without a court document stating she has custody returned to her, but sometimes schools overlook things like that.

Ok, the main issue is that the temporary custody decision did not include any instructions on what would happen once the temporary period ended. When BM had custody, we got SD for summer break & returned her the weekend before school started. We intend to keep the same parenting time schedule once full custody is granted to us. So, technically she should be returned to us the weekend before school starts, which would be next weekend. But we don't have a court order specifically stating that. School starts here 2 days before the date of our custody hearing so we assume the judge will order her returned then. If we asked for an emergency hearing, I don't think we'd get a court date before the actual custody hearing.

BM has been a bit elusive lately & isn't really answering us when we send her texts. I don't think she knows SD told me where they were living & I am afraid if we come out & ask about the new address, BM will punish her for it. The main reason we are seeking custody is because BM moves constantly and she doesn't have the patience or authority to discipline SD appropriately. SD has no respect for her since BM has treated her so badly & disciplines so inconsistently. It's such a touchy situation and we're pretty much walking on eggshells until we can get SD back with us.

For a little background info: DH & I were given temporary custody of SD(10) in April 2011 because BM couldn't handle her & voluntarily agreed to a change of custody for a year. According to the court, we still retain custody until the next custody hearing in a couple weeks. That is scheduled 2 days after school starts here & 9 days after school begins in BM's state. BM claims that she has custody of SD since temp custody expired & claims that SD wants to live there so she is registering her for school there. When I was speaking to SD on the phone last Friday, she mentioned that they were staying with a family they previously lived with & not living at the apartment anymore where BM told us they were living.

Ok, so my question is how do we handle this? I used to have the address where they are staying now, but I can't find it. BM never told us she was moving & didn't give us the address where they are now, so technically we have no idea where SD is. We previously sent a certified letter restricted delivery regarding the custody hearing to the last address she had given us & of course it has not been picked up. So do we wait until the court date & tell the judge she has moved or do we go now & file contempt or something since she moved without notification? Our court date was already delayed once earlier this summer because BM claimed she had back surgery & couldn't travel & there was a typo in the court papers. The judge told us to resend the paperwork & make sure it was sent certified so they could be certain she received it. Will it cause a problem if she has moved & claims she didn't receive the court notice? Can we ask for an emergency custody order since BM technically kidnapped SD?

Not sure if this will help you since she's already had the hearing, but usually if a person doesn't make proper arrangements for their children prior to going to jail, it's considered neglect and children's services will step in. Usually the family members of the children are asked to take custody rather than placing the children in foster care. Foster care is generally reserved for when family members are unwilling, unfit, or unable to care for the children. If you haven't already, call and make a report to children's services explaining the situation & that you are interested in becoming their temporary guardian. Be aware however that, depending on your sister's history with illegal activities, children's services may deem that she is unfit to care for the children and you may end up as a guardian even after she has completed her sentence.

While he may not want to rock the boat right now, it's in his best interest to have the details ironed out in court. If his ex is petty over little stuff now, it's not likely to get better in the future. I'm sure there are plenty of people in this forum who could tell you stories about a semi-reasonable ex suddenly turning completely unreasonable, myself included. Your friend should protect himself and his son by making sure everything is legally clear in case he needs to enforce it in the future.

I wish I could tell you it would resolve easily or quickly, but when dealing with a bureaucracy things never seem to go smoothly. We have been waiting for our state to return our tax refund they wrongfully withheld (due to a support arrearage that doesn't exist) for about 3 months now. They admit they made a mistake and we have submitted all the paperwork they requested, but now we can't even get anyone to return our calls.
If I were you, I'd get a consultation with a lawyer. You may have a case against them but a lawyer should be able to tell you the likelihood of winning a case or getting any retribution for your expenses.