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Okay, unfortunately the daycare arguement is not applicable because she is planning to be a stay at home mom.  She has a lot in savings and her living expenses are very low.  Between the CS she will get from me and her savings, she will be able to stay home with the child for at least 2 years.  She's very insistant she feels this is best for the child.  She's not saying "I can't have overnight visits or extended visits" she's saying no one can or should for at least 2 years.  

We both come from broken homes.  I was old enough when my parents seperated to remember all the fighting and was relieved when it stopped.  She doesn't remember the fighting and remembers what a pain in the ass it was to change residence every week.  

The problem is we are both stating our points with no real knowledge of what is best for the child.  We're flying blind (I know, welcome to the club), and I just figure there has got to be some research out there that supports what one of us is saying.  Otherwise, we may never come to an agreement.  I don't want the courts to decide what my role as a father should and will be.  I'd like to decide ourselves and just file it with the courts.  I am just stuggling to find sources that will support my arguement.  

Does that make sense?

Hello, I'm and expecting unwed father.  The mother and I are not dating any longer and after we ended our relationship, we dicovered we were pregnant.  We are trying to agree on a parenting plan.  I don't know what is appropriate for a father's parenting time for infants.  She has me convinced that at least for the 1st 3 months, there should be no overnight visits with me.  After that we disagree.  Everything I've seen for standard parenting plans don't allow for overnight parenting time until 12 months at the earliest.  They call for frequent visits up to 8 hours the first 12 months.  I really think we both have the child's best interests in mind, but there has to be some consensus somewhere on what is best for children.  If she had it her way, it would not do overnights for at least 24 months.  I strongly disagree.  I don't even like the 12 months, but if that's truely in the child's best interest and I get ample and frequent time witht he child, I would agree to that.  My problem is I have a lot of different views on this, and unfortunately leagel sources.  I've found no books or information from children's experts outlining any information.  

Basically, I'm looking to get reasonable parenting time in our plan filed with the courts, then hopefully we can deviate from that as we get to know our child.  I feel like she's wanting to have the most control over these decisions, and that scares me because she may not want to allow me sufficient parenting time because of how it will affect her.  I'd like some ability (i.e. a parenting plan) to have the control to make those decisions if she's being unreasonable.  At the same time, I have to be reasonable in my expectations.  

Please, if you have any information, or know of any source that has information for this situation, share it with me.  Mainly what I've found are books that deal with divorce and both parents have an existing relationship with the child.  We don't have that.  Thanks.

Hello, I'm in a similar situation only I'm the father.  I admit when we first found out, I had dellusions that we could splitt the time 50/50.  She had a real problem with this and the more information I read, she was right.  She lives in Oregon and some counties have prepared standard visiting plan that outline parenting time in these situations.  They range from very stringent like 2/week for two hours each visit from birth to 18 months, 1/week for 6 hours 18 Mo to 30 Mo, and 0ver 30 Mo is every other Friday 6PM to Sat. 6PM.   This plan seems really unreasonable to me as someone that wants to be a father to his child and I'm told by attorneys, childrens services counselors, etc. that if she would not agree to a more reasonable plan, I would get much more time if it went to court.  Other plans have overnights starting at 12 months.  I'm desperately trying to find information on what is best for the child, and haven't seen anything clearly laid out.  If you google "standard parenting plans oregon" you will turn up a link to the Oregon family Courts (or something similar).  They outline 3 types of parent situations and the parenting time for each.  It maybe helpful to you.  However, please (as a father speaking to a mother) understand that while as an infant the child needs his/her mother primarily, it is very important to allow bonding time for the child and father.  This, as near as I can tell, can best be accomplished by frequent visits (e.g. 3 visits/week).  Also, all the people giving me advice agree there will be at least a 3 month period that you will need to teach the father about the child (you'll learn them much quicker).  Things like the difference between different cries.  He should be willing to let the first 3 months (maybe more or less depending on everyone involved) be kind of supervised by you.  I'd come up with a different word, as supervised maybe offensive especially if he's been around other children.  

This really pains me in my situation as my family lives a ways away.  My Grandmother cannot travel at all.  This will make it really difficult for the child to meet and bond with my family.  I'm hoping that after 6Mo I am at least able to take the child to my home for up to 8 hours on a weekend where my family that can travel to my home can meet and visit the kid.  

Again, I'm really searching for information on what's best for the child on this.  As much as I want to be as active a dad as possible, I have to think of the kid's best interest.  If you come across books or articles that address visitation in the infancy stages, I'd really like to know them.

Thanks, I hope this helps.