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I apologize.  I was trying very hard to shorten the length of the story I didn't mention the fact this topic is never ever discussed when he is anywhere around...not even in the house or anywhere near.  If he is around then it is not dicussed.  As far as our grandson knows his biodad is one of his mom's friends and he calls him by his first name.  He does not see this man unless he rides with mom to get the child support check from bio because bio doesn't like to put it in the mail.  I refer to him as 'biodad' because he isn't the dad...he has simply been a biodad/sperm donor and as I said before, that is by his choice.  And as far as not liking biodad, we have known bio for about 12 years.  We use to think alot of him until we found him to do nothing but lie and cheat and even then we made exceptions since he is biodad.  WE do not sit around and trash biodad if I led anyone who reads this to think that.  But both families are pretty upset and it is very well founded.  So with that said...since I cannot and will not use bio/sperm donor's given name on this forum this is just what I chose to refer to him as.  We do not use those terms amongst our selves.  We use his given name.

Thanks so much for your story.  Man...the similarities are just so remarkable.  I will pass your story on to my daughter.  Her son goes to therapy every couple of weeks and so I am sure with the help of his therapist she will make sure all goes well.  I think once Mr. sperm donor gets to know his son and sees how much of the same interests they have, he will bond to him...I hope anyway.  If not, our little man will be okay.  He has a step dad that has been the only dad he has known and an awful lot of family who adores him...so it will be okay.

Again...thanks...

I will try to keep this long story as short as possible.  
My daughter and her fiance had a baby nearly five years ago.  They never got married but he has paid child support this whole time and has been good about calling weekly to see how things are going.  He did not want to be a part of his son's life.  He married about two years ago and never told him wife about his son.  Everyone tried to get him to but he wouldn't.  He has a daughter from a previous marriage and of course she knows about her, precious little girl.  Anyway, the cat was released from the bag, via an annonymous caller who eventually came forth.  His wife says the only way their marriage will work is if his son is in their family...she is pregnant now and he never was going to tell my daughter about it.  At any my daughter asked him if his wife would not take him back if he would now be in his son's life.  She has tried over the years to get him to be in his life but the sperm donor has refused.  He told her no, he would not.  Well now his wife is giving him a second chance only if his son can be included so now he is all about visitation with his son.  In other words he wants to use his little four year old son to make or break his marriage.  In other words his son would his pawn to get back in.  Now his wife and her family, on the other hand, are very good people.  They want him in their lives with or without the sperm donor.  My daughter is torn because of the conflicting sides.  She feels if she allows this to happen then she would be setting her son up for a future heart break when and if their marriage does not work.  If it doesn't work she knows the sperm donor will back out of her son's life and there he would stand wondering what happened to daddy.

I am just wondering...is there a clear minded person out there with some input on this delimna we find ourselves facing?

Thanks...mimi