Messages

>Emancipatin is not THAT far away...!!!
>
>And then what is she gonna do without that child support???
>
>I've gone through two emancipations and thankfully, I set my
>finances up so that when the CS disappeared, I could "live
>without it" and make a smooth transition.
>
>Bet she doesn't think like that!


Well, I can't see either one of my step kids going for emancipation, they enjoy what mom and dad can provide too much.  But still, it has been a very quick 4 years since the divorce, so I can only imagine how quickly the next 5 will go for SD and then 2 more after that for SS.  BM is not good with money.  She blew thru 75K after a refinance in less than a year and she has since blown thru at least that much with the sale of the home in about the same time frame.  That is something that DH told me a lot about when we first met, how she went thru money like water and his innate need to be financially secure and plan for the future was crazed with her spending habits.

Each and every time they got close to court (which despite it being DH's petition, it was BM's attorney that ran out and filed motions to set court) BM's attorney would stall it out.  Kept being stalled for various reasons, a couple mediations, depostions that were set, cancelled, set again, cancelled.  then when that was exhausted BM's attorney could not find time on her calendar.  A million reasons.  Oh, we found out why she was the one that filed all the motions after DH's.  It was so that she could say that SHE was the one trying to move it forward and that DH stalled!

OMG who has more motivation to move it forward, DH who would get more time with skids and pay less $$ or BM who will not have as much time and get less money?  Hard one to answer huh?

But the judge bought it all.

So any way, we have another plan.  DH is gonna go ahead and sign the mediation agreement as is.  He is just gonna pay her the freaking outrageous CS and get his extra time with the skids.  Time is more important that money and she will get her due payback in some form or another one of these days.  karma is a cool thing.

Hopefull if he gets the extra time, he can show that there was  merit to his case and not have to pay all of her fees.

The skids are 11 and 13.

I will try to sum this up as neatly as I can.  I put this in general because it is visitation, custody and child support as well as fathers issues!

DH and BM divorced in 2004.  She was a SAHM most of their marriage.  He worked a lot and was in the military.  She did most of the day to day stuff for the kids, he was VERY active but she handled things if you know what I mean.  She is not a good disciplinarian but they balanced it well, he handled what she was not able to.  Thus, he did not fight her for custody, it was the typical 70/30.  Not long after the divorce, she began to have extreme issues with the skids, mostly SS.  She called on DH night and day crying.  The things he was doing to her were extremely bad behavior.  DH tried to give her advice but she would not take it.  He began having issues in school, way worse than before.  DH did not have the same issues, SS tried but could not get away with it so it didn't become the full blown extreme behavior situation he caused with BM and school.  Also, BM began to slack big time on her day to day responsibilities, calling on DH to pick up and drop off to activities during the week and on her weekends.  She would just stay at home and hang out with BF or work extra hours or shop or whatnot.  DH found himself on her side of town taking care of the kids sometimes 5 to 7 days a week, on her time.  Add to that her constant crying calls...when we got married, we decided to move closer so it was not so much travel time and he could more easily help her out.  About this time SS decided to be a real disrespectful kid to DH and DH had to use a harsher form of discipline on him.  It solved the issue real quick.  SS cried to BM and BM accused DH of abuse.  She also said that SS had ADHD and needed medication.  She told DH she was going to move forward with this.  DH said no, he needed to be involved in that decision.  DH suggested that they pursue the counseling she suggested but at the same time, allow him to have a couple more nights a month with skids so that he could help her and them overcome the behavior issues.   Long story made short, BM filed a petition to allow her to seek counseling (for BOTH kids) and medication for SS due to the abuse they suffered at our hands.  DH responded that there was no abuse but that he felt that due to her lack of ability to discipline, the kids were getting out of hand and he motioned for more parenting time.

It has been 1 and ½ years of a very ugly fight.  Attorneys fees are enormous for both.  BM has corrected her discipline ways on the surface and she never ever asks DH for help.  That is fine.  The kids are doing better.  They were very close to a mediation agreement but she wanted to put some stuff in there that named my son, and she wanted him to pay for stuff for the kids that was beyond the scope of what our state mandates, and she wanted him to pay way more than guideline support.  The agreement was not signed.  BM took DH to court for attorney's fees and even though the case is not settled, the judge ordered that he pay 2/3 of her fees.  She said she didn't care what he had left at the end of the month, she didn't care that 1/3 of his net goes to her in CS and alimony, she said it was simple, you make 2/3 more than her so you pay 2/3 of her fees.  Didn't care that he had to pay all of his or that she drug this out as long as she did.  Didn't even give DH's attorney a chance to show who really racked up the fees, said it was not a trial, it was a temp fee issue and she'd hear the other stuff at trial.

OK.  So, DH is just over it.  The kids are teens and almost teens, it won't be long before he is rid of BM.  He just wants it over with.

Since he is the one that actually petitioned for mod, can he withdraw that now?  Can he just take a chance that the judge will punish him further for that and assign the other 1/3 of her fees?  If that happened, it would be WAY cheaper than paying his attorney, her attorney, AND the cost of an actual trial.  He won't get anything anyway, this judge made it clear that she was on BM's side.  

If he can withdraw his petition, how hard is it later to petition for mod of CS?  He is truly overpaying, about $300 to $500 a month.  What if she fought it with her attorney?  Do you recommend that he continue to retain and use an attorney for CS mod to guideline?  Or does the judge HAVE to go with guideline unless there are extenuating circumstances?  She is working, earns a decent living.  She is in a 4 year committed relationship, they live together, so she is not the only one paying the bills.  There are no medical or other issues with the kids that require extra money beyond guideline.

We are in FL.  Any advice is welcomed.  This has almost cost us 35K and will move to at least 50K if he has to continue his petition in court.