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*Also posted in Moms Without Custody forum*

Due to financial issues, I gave up custody of my daughter in 2000. I have since moved away, married, had another child, and returned, so that now my oldest daughter lives less than 30 minutes away from my house. This has been the case for approximately 18 months. She spends every other weekend and all summer at my home.

Her father has just informed me, due to emergency circumstances, that he is moving his family from the Jacksonville area to central Florida. This will result in a 2 hour drive one way. He declared that I will still get visitation with my daughter every other weekend, and that he will provide the transportation, because he has a stepdaughter who lives in Jacksonville.

In addition to the move, I was informed (not consulted, though we have shared parental responsibility) that my daughter will be attending Florida Virtual School (online public school at home) for her 7th grade year. This raises an opportunity for me to spend more time with her, as I'm also homeschooling my 5 year old daughter who resides with me. I proposed a shared residential custody plan with him, which consisted of two weeks with him and two weeks with me. It would require no extra driving and she would be able to attend her online school from either house. He said he'd think about it.

Regardless of his agreement or not, I would like to pursue this avenue. If he agrees, I want it official so that he can't back out once he's settled so far away. Since he is the one relocating, I want it in writing that he is responsible for travel expenses, as I was the one paying when I moved. I know the courts prefer 50/50 arrangements and that is all I'm requesting. If he disagrees, I would like to have the knowledge to pursue it without his consent.

I'm not asking to take my daughter away from her father. She has two stepsisters with whom she is very close and I do not wish to break that bond. Nor do I want to stop the move. I only wish for her to spend equal time with each parent, which I believe is in her best interest. I don't mind representing myself through mediation. I would appreciate any advice I can receive, so that everything is in order when I do pursue shared custody. Thank you.

Jessie

I've been on both sides of this situation and let me tell you, it sucks.  When my ex first left, he was responsible for paying child support.  I tried to get DCSE to cancel, but I had received food stamps for a couple of months.  His child support was required to pay them back before our case had any chance of being closed.  He went to jail, his family paid the support to get him out, and life went on.

A few years later, custody changed hands.  I was then responsible for paying child support.  When the amount was figured, I had recently lost my job due to an injured ankle.  The General Master stated that CS would be calculated based on my earning potential if I had a full-time, minimum wage job, plus child care.  When I got about $2000 behind, I went to court with the potential of going to jail, though my parents were able to help me.  DCSE has been very strict about making sure that I have been up to date on my payments.  I too live in FL.

In my experience, judges don't care about your inability to find a job, how many other kids you have, or whether you're scared of jail.  They hear things like that all the time.  Unless you have been deemed unable to work, you need to be out there supporting your kids, or you'll go to jail.  I'm not judging you, only telling you what I have experienced.  

I wish you the best.

>Personally, I agree, in principle with your plan that she
>spend as much time as possible with both parents.  Remembering
>my daughter at that age and in light of the stepsisters, you
>and dad may think about discussing this change and the
>permanency of the change  with your
>daughter.  Hope this has helped.
>
>Best to all !!!

Unfortunately, that is one subject on which we do not agree.  I feel that my almost-teenage daughter is mature enough to have her opinion heard on matters such as this.  He feels that she is still a child and she needs to sit quietly and do whatever the adults decide is in her best interest.

Thank you for your kind words and relevant advice.  

One more question: Would I need to file in the county where where we're both living now?  Or would it need to be in the county where they're going to live?

Due to financial issues, I gave up custody of my daughter in 2000.  I have since moved away, married, had another child, and returned, so that now my oldest daughter lives less than 30 minutes away from my house.  This has been the case for approximately 18 months.  She spends every other weekend and all summer at my home.

Her father has just informed me, due to emergency circumstances, that he is moving his family from the Jacksonville area to central Florida.  This will result in a 2 hour drive one way. He declared that I will still get visitation with my daughter every other weekend, and that he will provide the transportation, because he has a stepdaughter who lives in Jacksonville.

In addition to the move, I was informed (not consulted, though we have shared parental responsibility) that my daughter will be attending Florida Virtual School (online public school at home) for her 7th grade year.  This raises an opportunity for me to spend more time with her, as I'm also homeschooling my 5 year old daughter who resides with me.  I proposed a shared residential custody plan with him, which consisted of two weeks with him and two weeks with me.  It would require no extra driving and she would be able to attend her online school from either house.  He said he'd think about it.

Regardless of his agreement or not, I would like to pursue this avenue.  If he agrees, I want it official so that he can't back out once he's settled so far away.  Since he is the one relocating, I want it in writing that he is responsible for travel expenses, as I was the one paying when I moved.  I know the courts prefer 50/50 arrangements and that is all I'm requesting.  If he disagrees, I would like to have the knowledge to pursue it without his consent.

I'm not asking to take my daughter away from her father.  She has two stepsisters with whom she is very close and I do not wish to break that bond.  Nor do I want to stop the move.  I only wish for her to spend equal time with each parent, which I believe is in her best interest.  I don't mind representing myself through mediation.  I would appreciate any advice I can receive, so that everything is in order when I do pursue shared custody.  Thank you.

Jessie