Hello, all --
My brother is in Connecticut and needs help.
He and his ex never married. He moved in with her a little over 10 years ago. She already had two children by two different men who were long gone. They had a son together soon after he moved in. From the get go, he not only financially supported all three children, but became "Dad" to all three.
This woman has always been mentally unstable. She's never kept jobs long because she gets in fights. She has verbally abused him, the children, my father (the only grandparent these kids have ever known), and me, but he stuck it out with her up until the end of last year, at which point he moved out and took a room several towns over. His emotional strength grew by leaps and bounds the couple of months he was away from her, but he missed the kids terribly.
She took the kids to the mall to meet him a few times, begged him to come back, and he did, on the condition that she was not to threaten him anymore the way she had been. She started to abuse him again, screamed at him to leave, and this time he left for good, taking another room a few towns over. This is where he is now.
She has now kicked her teenage daughter out of the house, has the two younger boys (10 and 12) still with her, and not only prohibits them from seeing my brother but has also instructed the 12-year-old, who has known him as "Dad" since he was a year old, to call him by his first name on the phone. My sister saw the oldest at the mall awhile ago -- she was hesitant to tell my sister where she was, but my sister said from the looks of it it looked like she was in a foster situation. She told my sister that her mother is basically poisoning these kids against my brother, saying horrible things, and that if my brother goes near them she (the ex) will call the police. The ex also has a new boyfriend who calls my brother to tell him to get his stuff out of the house. My brother does not know who this person is, but knows he is living or at least spending nights there.
My brother has no money for an attorney, lives in a rooming house, lives paycheck to paycheck, and has only recently been able to buy himself an old car, which I think my dad (who is on disability) helped him buy. He is at a loss as to what to do; there don't seem to be any free or low-cost legal resources available to help him fight this. My sister and her husband are struggling to keep their own family afloat financially, and I was out of work for most of this year and was forced to take a job for much, much less than I was making and am now barely able to make ends meet myself. There is no one in our family in a position to help him financially with legal matters, but we ALL care about him and these kids and want to do something to STOP this woman.
One more thing: this whole scenario is an exact parallel of the way our mother treated our father. We were forced to tell him we did not want to see him anymore when I (the oldest) was 14. I sought him out at 21 and he came back into our lives. He told stories of being turned away time and time again for help, sometimes because he didn't have the money and sometimes just because he was a man. My brother asked me today, "Am I doing ANYTHING wrong? Anything?" and I wanted to cry, seeing the same pain in his face as I did in my father's when I was told at 14 to tell Dad I no longer loved him or I would not eat.
I'm sorry that this was so long. If anyone has any wisdom to share and/or knowledge of resources in Connecticut, I would appreciate any and all.
Thank you,
PetuniaP (I'm in New York)
My brother is in Connecticut and needs help.
He and his ex never married. He moved in with her a little over 10 years ago. She already had two children by two different men who were long gone. They had a son together soon after he moved in. From the get go, he not only financially supported all three children, but became "Dad" to all three.
This woman has always been mentally unstable. She's never kept jobs long because she gets in fights. She has verbally abused him, the children, my father (the only grandparent these kids have ever known), and me, but he stuck it out with her up until the end of last year, at which point he moved out and took a room several towns over. His emotional strength grew by leaps and bounds the couple of months he was away from her, but he missed the kids terribly.
She took the kids to the mall to meet him a few times, begged him to come back, and he did, on the condition that she was not to threaten him anymore the way she had been. She started to abuse him again, screamed at him to leave, and this time he left for good, taking another room a few towns over. This is where he is now.
She has now kicked her teenage daughter out of the house, has the two younger boys (10 and 12) still with her, and not only prohibits them from seeing my brother but has also instructed the 12-year-old, who has known him as "Dad" since he was a year old, to call him by his first name on the phone. My sister saw the oldest at the mall awhile ago -- she was hesitant to tell my sister where she was, but my sister said from the looks of it it looked like she was in a foster situation. She told my sister that her mother is basically poisoning these kids against my brother, saying horrible things, and that if my brother goes near them she (the ex) will call the police. The ex also has a new boyfriend who calls my brother to tell him to get his stuff out of the house. My brother does not know who this person is, but knows he is living or at least spending nights there.
My brother has no money for an attorney, lives in a rooming house, lives paycheck to paycheck, and has only recently been able to buy himself an old car, which I think my dad (who is on disability) helped him buy. He is at a loss as to what to do; there don't seem to be any free or low-cost legal resources available to help him fight this. My sister and her husband are struggling to keep their own family afloat financially, and I was out of work for most of this year and was forced to take a job for much, much less than I was making and am now barely able to make ends meet myself. There is no one in our family in a position to help him financially with legal matters, but we ALL care about him and these kids and want to do something to STOP this woman.
One more thing: this whole scenario is an exact parallel of the way our mother treated our father. We were forced to tell him we did not want to see him anymore when I (the oldest) was 14. I sought him out at 21 and he came back into our lives. He told stories of being turned away time and time again for help, sometimes because he didn't have the money and sometimes just because he was a man. My brother asked me today, "Am I doing ANYTHING wrong? Anything?" and I wanted to cry, seeing the same pain in his face as I did in my father's when I was told at 14 to tell Dad I no longer loved him or I would not eat.
I'm sorry that this was so long. If anyone has any wisdom to share and/or knowledge of resources in Connecticut, I would appreciate any and all.
Thank you,
PetuniaP (I'm in New York)