Messages

That's great that the two of you are able to get along now for the sake of your son. I'm glad things are going well.

I have a suggestion for you. Go to the courthouse and ask for a CS order change motion packet. That's probably not what it's called, but there is a standard form you can use to file a motion to change the existing CS order. One part will have a box to check regarding the reason for your change request. Tell them that you are requesting the change because of a change in parenting time. You may have to get the custody order changed, if you haven't already done so. If that's the case, they have a form for that too.

If you have to file a motion to change custody, and there isn't room to put all the details of your agreement, just attach an extra piece of paper and put "see attached" on the form. If you are in agreement, it should be pretty simple. She wouldn't even have to appear in court if you can get her to sign it ahead of time. The judge may order a change in CS with the custody order, or you may have to go to the CS magistrate. If you go to the CS magistrate you want her to appear to tell them you are in agreement.

The problem with this is...If you are agreeing on joint custody, the judge may not go along with it if you have been in there a lot in the past with problems. They don't want to give out joint custody unless they trust you to get along.

I hope it works out for you.

My friend's brother is going through a divorce and wants to get custody of his kids. I think they are 9, 7, and 5. The bm has been inconsistent in her time with kids. They had agreed on e/o weekend thing, but he has the kids every weekend because she wants to go out. I gave my friend some advice to help her brother out, and one of the things I told her is when they get to the evaluation, do not let the county appointed person do it. They do not do a thorough enough evaluation and are often biased. I advised her that he should hire a private evaluator, and she asked me where to find one. I followed a couple of the resource links from this page and got nothing. Does anyone have any helpful ideas? I think they are in Stearns Co. (St. Cloud area.)

I haven't been here for a long while. I'm going to school, and raising four kids, it seems like by myself because my husband is working such crazy hours lately. Been really busy.

BM disappeared for a while. Then she came back. A couple months ago, she started to seem like she was going to be normal. Her attitude completely changed, tried to be pleasant, and was coming to skids' events and stuff. Then she went psycho again, on mother's day. We had to have the cops here to get her off property. Scared the crap out of ss. Didn't show up for sd's concert or track meet. She says she's been taking her ua's, dh has to check w/county corrections to confirm it. They won't tell him anything, but he has to remind them to notify the judge, then if there is anything not right, he will be notified. She hasn't tried consistently to arrange visitation. Now ss is scared to visit her unless dh is there, and she won't stand for that. I think she's thinking about checking into treatment in the next couple weeks. Of course she hasn't worked in over two years, and still hasn't been ordered to pay any support because she's on welfare.

My ex was in a bad accident in January. Well, I guess the police are calling it an attempted murder now. He fell from a third floor balcony on his face. The investigation seems to be showing that he was hit over the head first, and then pushed off the balcony. Bad stuff. It's a miracle that he lived at all, and he is actually doing pretty well. He got out of the hospital around Easter, and went to live with his mom. He has seen dd a couple times and talked to her on the phone a little bit. He called to tell me that he had a brain scan that showed fluid on his brain and he was being put on bedrest for a while. He wanted me to explain it to dd so she wouldn't think he was blowing her off when he couldn't see her for a couple months. To me, it wouldn't seem like anything new. But I guess he's making an effort to keep in touch with her.

So, that's the update on my drama.

Yes, the $10,000 was part of the divorce. It was for home equity.

I talked to sd's youth pastor. He told me that some of her other friends had noticed this on her and talked to him about it because they are worried. She is going to see a counselor, but doesn't want to.

DH paid bm's rent, car payment, and insurance for years. He was never behind on payments. In fact, the month that he got custody, he had overpaid, and she owes him over $200 from money she was never supposed to get. She never used the money he gave her for the kids. When the cs stopped, her car got repo'ed. Yeah, I know, they lived in the home she paid rent on, but she would have to have a home if she didn't have the kids too right? Actually she didn't pay her rent and the guy she was renting from kicked her out once the kids were gone. Now that dh has the kids she has spent the last two years doing everything she can to prove she can't work and therefore can't pay cs. We could really use the $$ right now too, but it ain't comin anytime soon. She has a $10,000 lein on our home, payable when we sell, or yss turns 18 (in 7 more years.) So she may never spend a dime to support her kids, but when they are all grown up, dh has to hand her $10g.

BM did not even show up for court. DH was there at 8:30am. He talked to the CA and was told there is nothing they can do, it will be continued. There is a form here that says she cannot work. It doesn't matter that it's from August and she has been telling ss that is going back to work. They waited for her til 10:30 and then went into court.

The CA and the magistrate both agreed that because she is on welfare, they cannot ask her to pay cs. So cs is still "reserved" until there is a change in circumstances, ie., she gets a job or gets ss.

What really makes me mad about it is that the next day she called dh to laugh at him. She found out what happened in court and called to rub his nose in it!

What county in MN suspends dl's for "falling behind"? My ex is over $15000 behind and is still driving legally. You don't lose your driver's license if you are making an effort to pay. I think the money you spend on travelling to foreign countries to get out of paying your support would be better spent supporting your child. How is your child going to feel when he or she learns that you are so dead-set against providing for his or her needs that you are willing to go to such great lengths to get out of it?

By the way, having a foreign driver's license will not prevent you from being charged with contempt of court and going to jail for not paying child support.

DH is going back 2morrow for round 3. BM said she is going to ask for another continuance because her poor foot is still in a cast, but we haven't heard anything, so I assume it's still on. She told dh on the phone that she can't stand up, so his "you can work at McDonald's" scam isn't going to work this time. What scam? He never suggested she work at McDonald's, her atty brought that up! He suggested that she get a factory where she can sit at a table and put lables on parts. (That pays better than McDonald's too.) Anyway, she says that she can't sit up for more than 15 minutes even though we watched her sit at ss's bb game last weekend for over an hour.

I don't know if she will try the mentally ill thing or not, since I think she figured out that being mentally ill might hinder her plans to get custody back. Duh! We'll see what happens. I just hope this is the end of it. I don't want to write any more court dates on my calendar.

By the way, Sunshine (if you are reading this), in response to your suggestion of calling ss admin to report her meth abuse. DH did that and was told it doesn't matter if she hurt herself by abusing drugs. She can still get SS if she is truly unable to work. Isn't that nice for all of us who are paying into that fund?!? I think he also mentioned that she has a whole new excuse for not working every six months. I don't know if will do any good or not.

Wow, I survived Christmas. This has been the most stressful holiday season of my life, and dh too. Now my kids have jumping up and down playing with new toys and eating candy all day long for the last 4 days. These nice little vacations remind me that I certainly don't have what it takes to be a home-school mom.

BM has done a complete 180 w/her attitude. One day she was calling and threatening to take dh to court and recording every phone call and saying we brainwashed her kids so they won't talk to her. The next, she called and invited us all--including my kids over for dinner so we could all talk and start to get along. It's nice that she's stopped being so mean, but what ss can't understand is that dh and I don't trust her because she is a liar and manipulator and think it's only a matter of time before she goes back to her old self. She still won't go to treatment and isn't taking ua's to prove she's sober, she hasn't done that since last summer. DH ran into one of her friends about a month ago and he said that she is still using.

The kids did go over to visit her along w/her parents and grandparents for Christmas, but sd still refuses to talk to her on the phone. They have a cs hearing coming up in Jan, and she's starting to get weird again. She said something to ss about moving because she can't afford to stay where she is living. She told him a couple weeks ago that she is going to the dr. to see what's wrong with her bones because her broken foot won't heal. I almost laughed out loud! Duh! Do ya think maybe it has something to do with the poison she's been smokin? Yeah, maybe that's why her teeth are falling out of her head too. I can't believe she worked in health care and she can't put that together. All I have to do is open the newspaper and see how those drugs destroy people's bones and teeth and brains and everything else. Anyway, now I guess she is going to say she can't pay cs because if she works she might break another bone or something.

Does she have any ideas about how she wants it to go? What does your cs order say now? If you are sharing time 50/50, most people would agreee that no cs is the fair way to go. However it is very common for one parent (like your ex or my dh's ex) to fight for custody on paper in order to get cs and then once that is established to want the other parent to take care of them. Do you live close enough to her to keep that kind of parenting schedule when your son is in school?

I think if you can convince her to give up receiving cs so it is truly equal, you may have to eat the school expenses. The only reason I say that (not because it is necessarily fair) is because I know that you have already been down a long miserable road going through the courts and you probably want to keep from going back there anytime soon if you can. If the school is important to you, and not to the mom, she will use it to fight you for what she wants, which is $$. If you really believe that this school is what is best for your son you should be prepared that you may have to be the one to pay for it.