Messages

[go on an attach of mom & her character]

Momoftwo, thanks for your unbiased input. However, I'd like to clarify a few remarks mentioned concerning the affair. I'm by far not an adolescent discovering life & am aware of the saying "grass is always greener" but I truly was unaware of the affairs unstable behavior & NEVER once witnessed verbal outbursts towards her existing children or myself until AFTER she became pregnant. I'm not delusional to think any relationship continues to be "Stellar" but some form of rational & normal dimeanor is expected especially when children are involved. If I were here to tarnish the affair,"go on an attach of mom & her character" or thought is was relevant I would've mentioned the alcohol & pharmaceutical abuse which continues throughout the pregnancy. Before the pregnancy the affair was taking (2) OxyContin, (2+) Vicodin, (2+) Soma DAILY! She switched to (2+) Delotin & (2+) Vicodin (2+) Soma DAILY two months into pregnancy. She's taking (4+) Tylenol 4's DAILY w/ a Soma chaser here & there (private reserve) since the script physician won't prescribe OxyContin nor Delotin anylonger. Need I mention the physical altercations!?! I'm sure there are thousands of couples that don't tell the entire story, however, trust me when I say, telling the whole story won't do the affair one ounce of merit. I've had a life FILLED with "Male Bashing" & apologize if I'm not prone to Female Bashing. As Ocean posted, "If you tell her now you are leaving she may not put you on the birth certificate and leave you out of the loop of the delivery". If you're playing devils advocate, what's the lessor of two evils? Tell her I'm leaving now before the delivery, risk complications for the remainder of the pregnancy (suicide/drug overdose) & not being allowed to be present for the birth OR once the child is born tell her I'm leaving & let the courts decide when I'm able to see our child!?!  Per my character in question, I was separated from my wife for over 1yr. not counting the several years emotionally. My wife was FULLY aware of my visits to Tx. & the divorce path our relationship was headed. I personally feel my wife needed a wake up call which she finally acknowledged once she realized I filed for a divorce. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm not going back to my wife rather returning to my house in Fl.. I'm also aware of the physical limitations of an infant which I'll take into account while I make EVERY effort to spend time with our child. My parents divorced when I was 3 & didn't know or see my biological father till my 18th birthday. Not to mention I received custody of my now 18 yr. old daughter when she was 9 due to the abandonment of her biological mother. Point is, I've been around a block or two but never once needed/wanted to remove an newborn/infant from the mother with or without the courts assistance. If custody becomes an issue, I won't be seeking anything more than the mother is willing to offer since I know how spiteful the entire process can be. In retort to my intial post, I merely wanted to gain awareness of the feasibility taking our newborn son & possible insite how to handle breaking the news to the affair I'll be heading back to Fl.. If we can keep the stream of thought on those 2 topics I would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again for everyones input. It's been therapeutic & Welcome to 2009! =)

Sherry & Kitty I appreciate all your advice. I fully understand seeking an attorney who specializes in custody issues. The X's family showed up @ both hearings on the behalf of the Biological Fathers. Point is, the X doesn't have the support of her family nor funds to pursue exceptional legal representation. However I'm not naive to suggest she couldn't find ways to obtain proper counsel. Not sure if I can document all the instances of her physical & mental abuse but I do have one witness of the aftermath. I'm carrying on as if everything is status quo till Feb. 25th (due date) since I didn't want her to experience a stressful pregnancy (I'm compassionate & care about our unborn child). The X is unaware she's going to be the X in 2 months. Are there any suggestions for breaking the news I'm leaving & going back to Fl. once our child has been delivered? Guess I'm looking for a tactful way to bring her up to speed.  I've made arrangments to purchase the property she resides so she'll not have to pay rent. All of her income is allocated towards bills & I'm currently paying the monthly rent. Waylan stated I had rights as a father but what rights do I possess w/o going to court!?! It reads like fathers have zero rights until child support is requested. Fathers then have the right to pay support & file for visitation since visitation isn't a guarantee nor FREE! If the X doesnt' allow/follow the visitation schedule then a father has the right to go back into the judicial system. The scale surely tilts towards the X regardless of their mental stability or the well being of a child. Back to the original question. What rights does any father have before going to court? I'm comparing this frustration to solving a Rubics Cube. Thanks again.

['general public via a forum']

Sherry, Tigger, Waylan, Giggles & Kitty, I thank you all for taking time to respond to my situation. Kitty & Giggles, your strories are exactly why I choose to gather information from the 'general public via a forum'. The replies are more consistent online than I've received through local attorneys. Whether or not all the information is accurate or not I'd rather be knowledgable. Taking our newborn is a quick resolve to this dismal situation but inevitably the courts disdane would reign havoc throughout my life (more than the psycho "x" could ever inflict). I truly appreciate everyone taking time to post & giving your own perspectives. HaPpY NeW YeAr!

[If you've gotten different responses from attorneys, what made you think you'd get consistent ones from the general public via a forum? Looks like you're just looking for someone to agree with you]

I appreciate everyones input. Tigger, per your question & comment "If you've gotten different responses from attorneys, what made you think you'd get consistent ones from the general public via a forum? Looks like you're just looking for someone to agree with you." I've posted on several legal sites not limiting myself to the standardized "contact an attorney" response. It's apparent all responses will vary which is another reason limiting myself to "contacting an attorney" is naive. I'm not looking for someone to agree with my situation since there's always someone out there, regardless of right or wrong, who'll agree with what I propose. Gathering information to be knowledgable vs. "deer in the headlights" is my only objective which is why I'm venturing down the informative highway 3 months prior to the birth of our child. One tidbit of information I neglected to mention. The "x" (affair) changed her name legally (judge/court appearance) to my last name. Her reason to the judge for changing her name was "common law marraige". The name change took place in Tx.. Sherry1, I would've moved & stayed in Tx. if the relationship worked between the "x" & myself but if you knew what part of Tx. you wouldn't suggest I stay. Also the "x" can't stand the wife for no apparent reason. My wife is an officer in the armed forces & sweet as an Angel who's done nothing towards the "x". Referring back to my original post, the "x" is PSYCHO! Moving any closer would only make things chaotic! Thanks again for all your time & input.

Heh! I was about to post the below statement when p1p3r replied. Thanks p1p3r for your reply. This is why I'm seeking advice from several sources & I have gotten just as many mixed answers from attorneys in the area. I'm one step shy of calling the court house & asking the judge! =/ 

Sherry1, I appreciate the quick response. However, if you read my post/question again you'll see I will be on the birth certificate along with having an AOP (acknowledgement of paternity) signed before leaving or even considering taking our child. I beg to differ about having "zero rights as the father".  I agree the notion of taking our child is unorthodox since it's not conforming to the normal judicial system but correct me if I'm wrong when I ask, isn't possession 9/10th's of the law in the majority of states? Am I correct in assuming, taking my child would NOT be "unlawful flight" since there isn't an order yet established for it to be considered "unlawful"? This is surely a loop hole in the system & I wouldn't think many if ANY attorney would recommend this action since 1. no legal fees for that attorney 2. no court fees 3. force the mother to gain custody 3. not a question within the bar exam (Joke). Again, I dont' think the paternity test is a question. If you read the ENTIRE post you'll see that's not in question & won't be once our child is born. My name will be on the Birth Cert. & WE will sign an AOP which is filed in Austin, Tx.. If you don't mind me asking, Are you an attorney? Thank again for your response & time.

I was having an affair for 4 months with a friend who I've known for 16yrs. that lives in Texas. I've known my wife for 17yrs. & we're still married along with living in Florida. My intentions during the 4 mo. affair were to divorce my wife (no children) then move to Tx. & pursue a relationship with the affair. The first 2 months were the best I've ever experienced within a relationship but immediately after the second month the affairs true colors immerged. Within the 1st 3 months of the affair the woman was served legal documents by her 1st Husband, petitioning custody of her oldest (12yrs. old) of the 2 existing children. The woman gave up custody of her 12 yr. old daughter in this case & was served a second set of legal documents by the second husband petitioning custody of her youngest daughter. The 2nd case was dismissed & primary custody is still awarded to the woman. Legal issues such as those mentioned would drive anyone insane. However, the womans' history of phsyical & verbal abuse are coming to light. I've experienced both physical & verbal abuse with no merit. I'm staying in the relationship until our child is born Feb. 25th.. The question is, Can I take our child to Florida after he's born without going to court? What would be the consequences for taking our child with a signed AOP & my name on the Birth Certificate? If I attempt legal custody I can assure you the woman would make visitation nonexistent with my child. Like I said, we'll be living 800 mi. apart once I move back to Florida. After seeing how she handles her current custody issues with the second husband I know our son will have little to no opportunity to know me. I would prefer not taking this to court since the woman has already been subjected to a legal rollercoaster & I'm not seeking a legal battle. However, if I'm limited on my actions I will simply pay the required child support once filed & request the standardized visitation. Thank in advance for any & all suggestions.