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Thank you for the suggestion to file a motion for a full hearing. I'm a little jambed up on how to do that. I think I'm supposed to file a petition to modify arrears, but unfortunately AZ doesn't really have a self-help form for that. I was wondering what wording I am supposed to use to request that.....help, please!!!!

After speaking with an atty today the suggestion was to file a petition to modify arrears and attach my proof. Do you have any suggestions on where I can look for the wording in the petition?

Since my last post things have progressed a little and I have some questions. My husband wrote to DES requesting an administrative review and they sent us a final determination basically saying they felt they were correct so they have placed a lien on personal/real property and tax returns and also added an additional $350 to his garnished child support payments. On the letter it stated that he could request a judicial review through the court but we have no idea how and so far DES and the self help/law library have been no help. We did go to a free legal assistance program and basically all they said was to file a blanket motion, be detailed, etc. But I don't know what wording to use and I also don't know what goes where meaning who is the plaintiff, who is the defendant, etc. ? Do we attach our proof when we file or do we wait and submit it at the hearing? PLEASE HELP....we are already struggling as it is and his ex wife is really taking advantage of this whole situation. We have now had to declare bankruptcy (which she has been rubbing in my face at every opportunity) and we are struggling to just feed our other children. We need to have this situation rectified and we only have 35 days to request a judicial review.

We live in Arizona. When he went to court in January, he actually initiated the request to modify his support for three reasons actually, 1. At my insistence he went down to set up automatic payment to the clearing house, because I was tired of making his exe's deposits (I would get phone calls starting at 9:10am on the 1st & 15th wanting to know if I had made her deposit yet) plus I knew that he needed to be getting credit through the clearing house for all of his payments. 2. We have a daughter together and he received a credit for any other biological children he supports. 3. He started a new job and needed to have his new income evaluated in addition to her income because she was claiming that she wasn't going to work anymore, she was just going to go to school after leaving her then 2nd husband. At that hearing no mention was made of any arrears, and it was stated to the Judge that she was on assistance. So at that time he provided his paystubs so that they could evaluate his income, He provided the last 6 months of stubs.

We are totally shocked too! That is a pretty hefty bill for them to just out of the blue in the last couple weeks start sending letters an take such action.

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My husband received a letter from DES Child SupportEnforcement stating that he was in excess of $42,000 in arrears. The firstletter stated that they would be putting a lien on any personal and realproperty, the second stated they would be putting a lien on any tax returns hewould be receiving. When he called the number on the letter they said that hiscase was under review and the next step would be a bench warrant. For the firstcouple of years after his divorce he paid his support directly to his ex-wifeby depositing his payment directly into her bank account and on some occasionspaying daycare directly and paying the balance of his payment to her. But inthe last 2 years he began paying through the "clearing house", where hissupport is automatically deducted from his paycheck and then dispersed to hisex-wife. In January he went to court and had his support re-evaluated and atthat time his support did go up a little but there was no mention of anyarrears owing by his ex-wife or the court. Then he received a frantic call from his ex saying that hersupport hadn't been deposited, even though it had been deducted from hispaycheck. She called DESCSE and they told her that the case was under reviewand her support was being held so she told them that was ridiculous that shehad always gotten her support and she was willing to sign an Affidavit ofDirect Payment, once she picked up the forms though she told my husband thatshe would only sign the form if he gave up some of his visitation time and whenhe refused she told him he was on his own and she didn't care if he went tojail. Then on Oct 15^th my husband's work was served with anamendment to his support with an increase of $359 per month. What can we do tostop this and also to have the court require her to show her bank statements toshow proof that she received her support in addition to any proof that we have?Also, she is currently receiving food stamps/medical insurance through thestate even though she has 2 jobs. Does that have any relevance? And how is itthat the state is pursuing him even though his ex-wife has never made any kindof allegation of non-payment?

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The order does not state he gets a credit for providing medical insurance nor does the minutes state that upon him getting insurance he is to get a credit.

The Judge did a lot of tweaking of the numbers on the calculation, like for instance, he made my husband's income at $9k per month (I WISH!) based on 1 commission check for $30k he received back in November, so the Judge based his number on him making more commissions like that one even though that was a fluke. But he also gave Mom and income even though she is currently in school and not working, but said she could be working and making her same income that she was making before, but he also gave her $200 credit towards child care even though the kids are not in daycare, she picks them up from school but he said since she arranges her schedule to take care of them he will give her the credit. Then he ordered my Husband to get medical insurance, but said it's not a rush since the kids have ACCHS (state insurance) but said he does need to get it eventually. But never said anything about the credit. So in my husband's paperwork he submitted he put his income at his base salary because that is guaranteed and that was the recommendation he got from the clerk whereas Mom felt his income should be based on him making $30k every month and wanted $3k in child support, so the Judge said he came to a compromise by using the above numbers and needless to say my Husband's child support went up $78 per month. Now in actuality he really only makes somewhere around $4,400 a month but ok, maybe he'll get another fat check and it will even out.

Should he leave things as is and just take the hit for the medical? He has to pay $130 per month to add them, although since he added them he went ahead and also added our daughter and myself. And it is $130 regardless of it being just the 2 kids or all 4 of us. But he wouldn't have added any of us if it wasn't for this ruling. However, the Court orders have me a little worried because the X tends to get out of line a lot and we have to revert back to CO often. Truces are very shaky and it states in their Parenting Plan that if they cannot agree then they revert back to CO and follow those. And if the CO says one thing and the minutes say another that isn't good. And if he should refile to change his docs to say Father is to provide medical and try and get the credit for it, how should he go about doing that? Is it the same process as if he was modifying the CO again?

I can totally relate! My husband and I recently married but we have been dating for 3 years including living together for 2.5 years. I have 3 boys from my previous marriage and he has a boy and girl from his and then we also have a 22 month old daughter together. We're Yours, Mine and Ours....the Brady Bunch. I am a very strict disciplinarian and my boys are pretty good (I get constant compliments from random strangers) although they definitely are not perfect. But I'm used to children that do what they are told and are respectful... the motto "tantrums aren't allowed". But then my Husband and I started dating and then started living together and his parenting is not like mine. It was very rough to say the least. In fact I started getting so disgruntled when my step children came over on the weekend that I took my boys (our daughter wasn't born yet) and stayed at my Mom and Dad's for the weekend. They were like demon children....tantrums, screaming, complete lack of respect, and a total disregard for any rules. And it was becoming very hard for me to respect my Mate because he did nothing to stop this behavior. Not to mention a really awful ex-wife. For example: my kids have never gone to bed with the tv on, in fact they won't fall asleep if a tv is on, they would stay up all night if the tv was left on. My step children however have tv's in each of their rooms at Mom's and have to have the tv on to go to sleep. Not so much of a problem on weekend nights, however on school nights a definite problem as the kid's share rooms because we would have to have a 7 bedroom house if they didn't! Well, I finally had enough and put my foot down and said tv's are going off at X time. My step son got very upset but seemed to calm down somewhat and asked his Dad if he could call Mommy to say goodnight. My husband gave him the phone and he started crying and told his mother that we wouldn't let him watch tv. So her response was Daddy is being inappropriate with you and I will tell him to turn the tv on for you. Then she got on the phone with my Husband and told him that at her house they watch tv so at his house they are to watch tv. So it's not hard to figure out where her children learn the disprespect from.....

I have numerous other stories like that where she shows a total disregard for my Husband as an authority and basically treats him like a babysitter/ATM machine. And frankly it is partly my Husband's fault for allowing her to treat him this way until now. The part that really gets me is she refuses to acknowledge me as his wife, she still refers to me as his girlfriend, and doesn't even acknowledge our daughter together. According to her his children with her are the most important and their relationship with each other is above any other that he has, and yes I am quoting an email from her. But like I said I had to put my foot down, so I had a real heart to heart with my Husband/Boyfriend at the time and told him that unless things change I don't really see us staying together. And I was very specific about the things that needed to change. He did start to get defensive saying that I was "jealous" of his children and the affection that he has for them. But I explained to him that I wasn't upset with them because they are only children and don't know better, that the fault was his for not "parenting" his kids but just being a babysitter. He needed to be a Father to them. That meant disciplining them and no I did not mean spending what little time you had with them punishing them....punishing and discipling are different. And I also said Her or Me. You have to choose your loyalty. And no I'm not saying your kids or me because I would never ask that of anyone as I have children and wouldn't chose someone over them. I have an interest in being a cohesive family, which means no one is favored over anyone else. Everyone is equal, and we need to do things that are in the best interest of everyone involved. Sometimes that means compromise. Evidently I said something right because we are married now and the horrid ex-wife is having less and less of a voice in our home. Although it has taken several years, but there is hope. I really wanted to try to work things out with him because I felt like with my divorce from my kid's father they had enough separation anxiety and didn't need to experience anymore broken homes. Try to talk about things if you can.

I live in Arizona and my husband recently went to court to have his supportorders updated because he got a new job so his income changed and hisex-wife also stopped working and went back to school. They went infront of the Judge and all numbers were hashed out and new orders havebeen filed. But during the hearing the Judge questioned why Mom waspreviously ordered to provide medical insurance. She used to have a jobthat had medical whereas my husband did not and then she remarried andher new husband added the children but she is now divorcing husband #2and is unemployed so she went and got state insurance. The Judgeordered my husband to provide medical insurance as his new job offersmedical insurance. So my husband is in the process of adding the kids,however after examining his current Support Orders on the supportworksheet he isn't receiving credit for paying medical insurance and itstates on the current orders that Mom is to provide medical insurance.But on the minute entry for the hearing it says Father is ordered toprovide medical and dental insurance. Assuming this is an error or thathis Orders reflect what was in place as of that day but that issupposed to change, should my husband refile upon getting the medicalinsurance? If he is awarded that credit (on the worksheet that line ismandatory) it would reduce his support by $130. Does the current courtorder supersede the minute entry or vice versa? Thank you for yourinput.

Thank you. This has been  a work in progress to slowly cut control ties. And it will take a long time if ever. I know from personal experience because I have been divorced for 9 years with 3 boys from my previous marriage and it hasn't been until last six months that we actually can converse like normal people.....it just takes time. Because eventually your kids aren't little anymore and they grow up and I don't know any adults who don't know exactly what their parents are about.

I appreciate your input. It makes the calls/texts/emails easier to deal with for my husband and myself because we now feel empowered because we are informed.

Thank you both for the feedback. I have gone over the CO front to back and back to front. It actually does not have any times for drop off pick up stated. In fact it is very vague.....

" Weekday and Weekend Schedule:  The children will be in the care of the Father as follows: every Friday and every other weekend from Friday until Monday.  The children will be in the care of the Mother as follows: at all other times."

My husband just recently went back to court and this including changes on Holiday and school breaks is the schedule they agreed upon in mediation. There is NO mention of him specifically picking up and dropping off. In his original parenting plan the only other statement pertaining to this slightly is "whenever feasible, both parents agree that when child-care is needed, the other parent will be considered as the care provider of choice for the child(ren) for periods of time exceeding 8 hours". But other than that nothing else.

With that said, I actually followed your advice along with advice given to me by attorney's on another web-site who are actually the ones who also directed me here. It was suggested to write a letter to Mom assuming that she was acting this way in ignorance not understanding that she was in fact violating Dad's parental rights. And to also write a letter to the school attaching copies of the CO. So my husband sent Mom a letter asking her to please refrain from hindering his visitation and to stop violating his parental writes. We also wrote a letter to the school, which actually included verbage I found on this site, and included copies of the CO along with a copy of our Power of Attorney. The school was extremely responsive and in fact pulled out the emergency cards and added me on immediately and assured us that they would be notifying the teachers that I am able to pick up regardless of what Mom says (she has been emailing directly to the teachers by-passing protocol with the office telling them not to release the children to me unless she gives her express permission). The loop-hole in this though is that Mom seems to have a lot of sympathy from the Principal and he is in fact the one that denied my Husband originally from adding me or anyone else the the cards including his own parents and he was not in on Friday when we dropped this package off. So we spoke with office staff that seemed very knowledgeable about the documents we dropped off (as we went over the documentation with them right then) and completely understood the inappropriateness of the situation.

Mom also received her letter in the mail and quickly responded with an email. Her response wasn't as good however, she said that she was fine with 3rd party pick up but she would be the one to designate who the third party would be for my Husband (obviously she still doesn't get it). She also said that she was going to petition the courts to give them parenting classes together because she feels that they are off track and they need to spend time together parenting to get away from the others that are influencing him because his children and her should be the priority in his life (YES she actually wrote that! And YES I would be the "others"!) Apparently the child we have together should not be a priority and me as his wife does not count (sorry....emotional outburst).  At the point when that email was read (last night) she has no idea that my name is on the emergency card nor does she know that the school will allow me to pick up now without her permission. She is claiming that her reason for not being comfortable with me picking up (she still calls me his girlfriend, refusing to acknowledge that we are married) is because she says that he went out of town and I came to pick them up without her knowing he wasn't in town and she doesn't see any value to the kids having a visit without their Father there because they only come to see him. We actually are a pretty big family....6 kids including these 2. And they refer to each other as brothers and sisters. The incident she is referring to actually went more like this. I arrived at her home (she had just moved back from Lake Havasu as she just left husband #2 quite abruptly and moved in with her parents at the beginning of summer) and got out of the car when she came out, the kids ran to my car to go see their sister and while they were saying their hello's I told her that James actually had to leave out of town as the new job he started abruptly required him to leave. I said that I would love to have the children and I was willing to continue their schedule regardless of whether he was in town or not. That since she was trying to start nursing school I understood how important it would be to have a consistent schedule that she could rely on and the consistency would be good for the kids as well. She agreed that they could stay with me, thanked me and we drove off to go to a movie. An hour later I had her screaming at me on the phone that we had tricked her. After 45 minutes of getting yelled at she calmed down and said the kids could stay (and no I don't know why I stayed on the phone and allowed her to yell at me, I should have hung up) but then she proceeded to call non-stop for the rest of the day and the next day asking the kids do you want to stay there? Are you sure you don't want to come home? over and over again, until I finally did just that and took them home and have since retracted my offer. She also said that she felt it was rude and inconsiderate on my Husband's part to not speak with her about taking this job as she felt it would take away from him being with his kids and she would have advised against it but he took it because I manipulated him into it.

I am hoping that things are now rectified with the school. Do you think we should wait and see if the school continues to support my Husbands rights or should we notify the school board of this and possibly file a complaint against the Principal himself? When my husband spoke with him months ago, even though he tried to tell him that he has joint custody the Principal said it didn't matter, that he was staying out of it, he would leave things as is with Mom only having people on the card she ok'd....he had been doing this for a long time so he knows more that my Husband. My Husband was so shocked by that he was rendered speechless. I actually spoke with the man a week ago and when I pointed out that they had joint custody and that it wasn't right that she had people on the cards and he wasn't allowed to add anyone the Principal ushered me out with the statement that things stay the way they are. We don't want to be vengeful but at the same time shouldn't he be held accountable for his behavior since he is in a position of authority?


The CO also states "Each parent may have unrestricted telephone contact with the children during the children's normal waking hours." Does that mean she call excessively?