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Unfortantately you cannot make your ex want to love, or see his own children. That has to come from him, no one can "force" him to be a father. If he's that far behind on his support, does not see the kids, and want's more time I don't think there is a judge or refree attorney in the country that won't see what his real motive is.

You may want to advise the father....errrr sperm donor, that if he want's to move foward with this that the judge will not take any pity on him. If he has the money to obtain a lawyer while being 20k behind on his support he may find himself in a county lockup. I wouldn't mention anything about the drug testing. He would probably stop long enough for it to be clean.

Also, what is your ex trying to use to get custody? What idiot lawyer would even take this case?

I have a custody hearing coming up in june to get my kids from my ex in Norfolk,va but dont know what to expect and how to prepare for it.
So far I have been gathering all my evidence to prove her unfit like police reports,medical and pictures but I dont know what to expect like will the judge look at all that stuff right then or do I need to make a request or need a lawyer or something.
I just dont want to go to court and get disapointed because I already dont belive in the va court system,I have all the documents I need but do not know how the process would work on that day,will the judge look at all the proof and give me my kids or is it one of the things where they just rush you through so they can get to their lunch break and tell you you have to go through some other complicated process for something so simple

Not sure of your state, but the first court may be just a cattle call, and you'll probably go before a refree/attorney who will try to get you to mediate with your ex which usually does not work. You will then go to trial which you may schedule a half/full day depending on how many witnesses, evidence etc.. It's really too much to try to do on your own. I've been going through this for 5 years and the more I learn, the less I feel comfortable going it on my own. Please, do what ever you have to, to get an attorney. You can talk to most intially for free, then you can set up a payment schedule with them. First thing all attorneys asked me was "Are you current on your support payment". Which I am, they just probably seen too many trying to get full custody to get out of paying.

If the child is acting this way, there must be some reason for it. Have you or your husband ask her why she does not want to go hom with her mother? I think a request for a psychological assesment, and some consoling would be in order here. I agree finding out how she's doing in school is very important. It's very difficult to change custody. You will have to prove the mother is unfit.

I'm not sure how it works in Alabama, but here if he has standard visitation, he's allowed to have half the summer. If the house is as bad as you say, I would call CPS immediately and let them do an investigation. They will show up at the house unannounced, they will go to the school and interview the children. First thing I would do is find a good attorney fast. I would at the minnimum get a visitation order in place. If he's been involved, paying his support there's no way in heck that he won't get at least non custodial visitation.

From the information you provided I would think you have a decent chance.  It all depends on how your lawyer presents the information and how BM replies.
I don't know how Michigan is with father's rights and being non-biased toward the mother but here in Arizona they seem to be making great progress on that front.  My husband has primary custody of his daugther. Him and the BM were never married and there was no existing custody order.  She brought up a bunch of his ancient history (all misdemeanors from about 7 years prior to no avail.  They ended up settling in mediation afterward.  So I think as long as you have a decent lawyer that knows the ropes, you should be fine.  Good luck.

I have grave concerns about my attorney. I've been told by more than one person that she's not very good. Several people I've told that works in the family courts just rolled their eyes when I told them who my attorney was. Of course I already paid, and were so far into the process it's hard to change. CPS did charge my ex with abuse and neglect and she did go to trial where she plead no contest to the charge. Now CPS has made my son a ward of the state but kept him in her home. They've ordered services (counsoling) for my son, her son, her husband, and me even though I'm the non-respondent I requested to be part of the services. I had to fight the CPS case worker to be able to keep involved in this entire case. She thinks I'm just being nosey and making her job difficult. She actually called me at home and harassed me about calling my sons consoler to see how he was doing.



I guess some good news is that normally while CPS/DHS is involved there's a stay put on the case that does not allow for any legal motion regarding the child. However, my attorney filed an ex parte motion to have the stay lifted, and the judge thought there was enough evidence to lift the stay and allow me to go forward with my custody motion. Which is basically a slap in the face to CPS. We did have a custody hearing a couple weeks ago and my ex showed up without an attorney saying she didn't know this was a custody hearing and she was told by the CPS worker that we couldn't go ahead with the case and told her just to show up and it will be adjourned. When she was told be the attorney/refree that she recieved notice that the stay was lifted, and recieved notice that this was a scheduled case she just played dumb. The attorney/refree adjourned the case to give my ex time to get an attorney. He didn't even bat an eye that a CPS case worker is giving legal advice in a case the does not even concern them. Not only wasting the courts time, the attorneys time, by also costing me over $1000 in extra attorney fee's and also what I had to pay my expert witness to be there, which I'll have to pay again. The attorney/refree did tell my ex that she would have to pay me for expert witnesses, but I'll never see a penny from her. On Monday we get to refile our motion, but it will be at least 30 days before we get another court date. Me ex has been in court sooooooo many times, she knows how to play the system.

What state are you in?

Michigan

Little background this being my first post here and all. I separated from ex wife when my son was just two years old. She was very physically and verbally abusive to me. I still have the scars on my face to remind me. My ex also is an alcholic. I didn't not realize the extent of the problem will after we were married. I would come home from work, and smell her glass of diet coke to see if there was any booze in it. If there was I knew it was going to be a long night. One night on one of her drunken tirades I was in the bedroom with my one year old son. She broke down the door and began hitting me. With my screaming son in my arms I called 911 for assistance. The police came to my home and arrested me leaving my crying son with his intoxicated mother claiming I broke down the door and put bruises on her arms from beating on the door was actually from me. Ignorant to the law, and having no money I went to the court, under ex's advice (she got me good) and plead no contest to get it over with. Then after that she would threaten to call the police on me anytime I thought of not obeying her. I had to leave for fear, and living under her abuse with complete control. I have been fighting for visitation, and for the protection of my son ever since.

That was seven years ago. He's 9 years old now and she has remarried to a man who is also an alcoholic. They've been married 5 years and between them they have 5 dui's 4 domestic violence arrest, a criminal sexual conduct charge, assault on a minor (my former stepson by this man) attempted arson, and numerous disturbing the peace and literally dozens of calls for the police to come to their home. CPS is currently conducting it's third investigation of her for abuse and neglect. I have filed change of custody motions in the past only to walk out completely empty handed. I have filed another ex parte emergency change of custody motion which was denied.
I am filing a standard change of custody motion again, but CPS did a 180 on me, again, and is now saying that they want to keep my son in that house. The stepfather is still at large with three warrants for his arrest. CPS wanted to place my son with me at first but because of my one BS domestic violence charge in 2001 they couldn't place my son with me. They said the only reason they left him in her home is they would have had to place him in foster care. Now I've never had any problems with the law prior or since that one incident. I've never had a DUI, or any problems. However, the I can only use incidents that has happened since the last custody hearing. Yet they can use my one domestic violence charge against me forever. I have a phsyc review of my son showing that he has anxiety, depression, low self esteem, and socail problems due directly from the effects of domestic violence. My attorney thinks we have a decent chance, but I don't. I don't think that the courts are going to part with CPS's recommendation to keep my son in her home.

Does anyone think I have any chance? Sorry to sound so negative, but I've been doing this for sometime, and at least here, men don't get custody hardly ever. Actaully, less than 2% of the time from what I"m told.