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[Kitty - thanks especially for the clarification, the thread is about name change, and unfortunately believe I have my answer.]

In re terminating parental rights, sometimes this is in the best interests of the child clearly, sometimes it is not. More often, however, it's both good and bad....

.... Please, please be careful when discussing termination of parental rights.

Hello again to all who replied and thank you. Kitty - thanks especially for the clarification, the thread is about name change, and unfortunately believe I have my answer. Fact is, I can't even read this thread without getting teary eyed - its like a wound that never heals. But I will take time to add my thoughts on termination.

Just because a parent's rights have been terminated doesn't mean that the other parent (and child) have to completely shut that person out, does it? I mean, the fact that a parent doesn't have rights just means that they have no legal basis as a parent. Maybe one cannot file for custody, visitation time, etc. but why would this preclude going to a baseball game or birthday party? I know I have greatly simplified the scenario, and that most times parents who go to this extreme want absolutely no contact (and perhaps its justified), but does this necessarily have to be the case?

Just my thoughts. But again on the issue of the post - name change - I see that I'm probably fighting a lost cause. It's really sad that someone can do this and get away with it.

By the way, the siniley face with the glasses... was inadvertently put there, did not preview it but NEVER would have put it there on purpose. This is a very serious and painful topic for me so I wouldn't do that.

Kitty is right...you need a letter with a notary signature from the other parent PLUS put it in the paper and get is signed by a judge. We were able to get a hyphenated name with fathers support but he would not sign off on just my married name and he does not see the kids at all (his choice). I made the hyphenated name: married name-fathers name. Kids only use married name except for very legal things in school. Teachers are fine with just the first part. Maybe should would allow you to do that??

Would the BM sign off her rights if you tell her you will drop child support (since she is not paying anyway)

Well lets see... since the BM is a control freak I don't see how me asking is going to miraculously give her a change of heart, so the answer to that is no - I don't see her agreeing to that.

Besides, where's the stick to go along with the carrot? She is not penalized for not paying her support, so why would she feel the need to negotiate? I have no stick, except the one that keeps getting shoved up my...

I'm sorry about that.... no I'm not. I'm going to go have a drink now. Thank you both for the advice and wisdom.

Hello, my username is durandal09, but I've posted many times in the past under durandal. Its been awhile and I guess the system didn't recognize me - oh well.

On to the FACTS:

1) I am BF and CP, thru court action. Child's age is 3.

2) BM and I have never been married nor lived together. We however regularly talked prior to the birth about issues surrounding the unborn child.

3) Child was born in Virginia Beach, VA. At that time all parties resided in Virginia Beach. Currently BF and child reside in Chesapeake, VA. BM still lives in Virginia Beach, but doesn't have a current legal address.

4) I was not present for birth and for subsequent birth paperwork, including birth certificate/name.

5) At time of birth, BM decided to give child her last name despite prior agreement between us both.  She also assumed custody by default until court action.

6) Around time of birth, I contacted the Child Support agency, entered myself into the system, and paid child support for the first year without missing a single payment.

7) I was awarded custody approximately at childs' 1st birthday.

NCP has court arranged visitation but cannot keep schedule. NCP is currently homeless by eviction (Aug 08). Prior to eviction NCP rarely kept visitation schedule.

9) 100% of all expenses, care and rearing are managed by me. BF has child support arrearage since inception (part of custody/court action) - hasn't paid $0.01 of support.

Now, on to why I want to have child's last name changed:

1) I would like for my only child to have my last name.

2) NCP has had four other chances to raise her offspring (NCP has five children total) and has not done so. All children reside with their BF's.

3) NCP is manipulative and violent, and has leveled many threats, including the name issue (which became a reality).

4) NCP has assaulted me, but its amazingly difficult for a woman to get charged assault. BM does have a conviction for domestic violence in a prior relationship.

5) Child has support from extended family on my side only, and I want there to be no uneasiness or stigma following her as she grows up around my relatives.

6) I would like to start generating some financial investments for the child this year, and would like to avoid any complications later in her life.

7) I would like to avoid any awkward situations in her schooling and with her peers regarding her family status and name. While I don't think the child is aware, I have already noticed some peculiar behavior and attitudes from caregivers where this is concerned.

My questions:

1) I have heard its very difficult here in VA to get a last name change where both parents don't agree on the name change, but why should the BM's rights trump mine (or the childs)?

2) Where would jurisdiction be - where we reside now or where we were at time of birth?

3) Does anyone know of jurisprudence or good argument(s) that I might use in this matter?