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I am the step-mother ( I like bonus mom personally) of an 8 year old from my husband's first marriage.   His mother worked swings so the child was with us 75% of the time and had been for about 3 years.(from age 2-5)  When we decided to get married, she decided that visitation would be 50/50 ( she miraculously got a day job 2 weeks after we told her we were getting married).  Then about 8 months later, when we couldn't agree on which school he should attend, she decided that our visitation would be every other weekend and one day a week and that she was deciding on the school We took her to court to fight the visitation and the school and 16 months later when we finally got in front of a judge after she kept dragging out mediation, the  judge said the child was used to the visitation so we should keep it that way.   Now she has informed us that she will be making all decisions from now on, since once again they cannot agree on a new day care.  they have a joint parenting agreement that pretty much says he gets reasonable visitation and if they can't agree they go to mediation, period.  It is blank and of no help.  I want to know how to help him and other father's in this situation.  I am irritated with her, but more so with the legal system who thinks that dads don't need to be involved.  I would be willing to write letters, speak to people, whatever I need to do.  This state needs to wake up and change.