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   He is active duty, but there are only two bases on the west coast as far as I know, Pendleton and 29 Palms. He did his boot at Pendleton and is now doing his MOS training at 29 Palms. So at least until he finishes with that, he'll be local because luckily we don't live terribly far from there.
    He told me that he was in fact getting a higher pay because of our son, but that didn't seem fair to me because he doesn't put any of that money towards taking care of him.
   And he does have Tri-Care, but I have no idea how to use it. It's all brand new to me, so if any one has any info on that too that would be great. I don't know where I'm allowed to take him to be seen, or what I'm supposed to pay out of pocket or any of that.
   He was really angry this week because I told him I didn't feel comfortable with our son going to his parent's house for the weekend, and I don't know if he was just spitting angry words, or if it's actually possible, but he told me that his SSG told him that it's effecting his performance and there for effecting everyone else, so they said they were going to take legal action themselves(Meaning the Marine Corps it's self) and move to make my ex the primary custodial parent so that he can basically then just sign over custody to his parents. Can they do this? Would they even do this? It doesn't make sense to me. I can fight my ex in court until the cows come home, but fighting the U.S. Marine Corps? How do I even begin?
   I don't know if they really said that or if he's just blowing smoke because he's angry.


-Sharon
       "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it."   

   He filed paperwork for full custody. I'm guessing because it was last September that this was when he was about to go into boot camp. That was the first time we had trouble with custody, and the only time other than now. He had my son for two months because he said he was going into boot and wanted to spend time with him, and I didn't see a problem with it at all, after all he'd be gone for three months and they'd both miss each other like crazy. But then the weeks dragged into months, and when I finally put my foot down after finding out that he wouldn't be going to boot until the following February, I went to go pick up my son and had to get the police involved. He told me when I picked him up that he wouldn't let me have our son until I signed some paper saying I'd bring him back and that the corp told him he had to do it this way or he'd get in trouble. I told him that I'd never heard of the Marine corps asking anything like that and refused to sign the paper and ended up having to call the police in the end to get the baby.

  He's never asked for child support, but I hadn't either until recently. It's always been that I had a job and he didn't, so it didn't make sense to me to make him pay something he didn't have. But now the roles are reversed, and he's in a good position financially, and I just lost my job to down sizing a couple of months ago and I'm having a hard time finding a new one. I wouldn't ask for it at all if it weren't for the fact that I have to put food on the table, and make sure the lights stay on some how, and it doesn't seem right that he hasn't had to pay a dime in the past two years. He'll spend money on our son, but it's things like when he got out of boot camp, he bought him a Wii... our son is three, has no idea how to play it, and it stays with dad, so I have the feeling that dad really bought it more for himself. But if he can come out of boot and spend $400 on a Wii and another $400 on an Xbox and then another $300 on a cell phone, then he can certainly afford to send a little money to make sure our son is taken care of.

   I didn't request a copy of his papers, I didn't know I could do that, I wish I had. I don't know if you read my other post, but I recently had a knock on my door from CPS, and I'm almost positive it was my mother in law that called. Which is crazy because A. There's nothing wrong with my house, and broke or not I always make sure the kiddo is taken care of. And B. She's never even set foot in this house(I'm living with my mother right now and they don't get along, so I don't know how she can make any claims about the condition of the house).The social worker came through, looked at everything, went through my fridge and cupboards, and said there was plenty of food, fresh fruits, veggies, milk... everything, and the house was clean. It was a surprise visit so I wasn't dressed and kiddo wasn't dressed, but it was a lazy morning and he had just had a nosebleed so we were hanging out cuddled up watching cartoons until he felt better. When the social worker left, he said there was nothing wrong with this house and it seemed like a person just being vindictive.
The 26 copies I had to make were the total for having to make two copies of the paper work, which was 13 pages total, have to count both sides. I wish I had known before I turned it all in that I didn't have to spend $13 on copies though.
 
  And I did notice that a lot of what they needed filled out didn't apply to me at all because we were never married, so it made it really hard to fill out right because I didn't know or didn't have the answers to most of the question they were asking.

  Right now he's being really nice, he's sick and not feeling good this weekend and always has a tendency to want me to baby him when he doesn't feel good, seperated or not lol. So he's playing nice because he's feeling pretty crummy, and says we'll take care of all the paper work and not to worry that he'll bring a check this weekend when he comes down and that he's sorry and he knows it's hard to take care of the kiddo by myself. But I worry because that's just this week. I don't know how I can trust a man who once loved me, but is now secretly filing paper work behind my back to take our son from me

-Sharon

         "I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

I actually don't really understand why there's a separate board for moms and dads to start with to be honest. I've only been on this board a few days, but I hear so many people shouting from the towers how wrong it is to treat some one differently because of their gender... and the response to this is to keep the genders separate lol. Does that confuse any one else or is it just me? Not trying to start trouble, it just honestly seems strange to me. I can understand having different boards for states, or certain specific issues, but why do we have separate boards for sexes?
Again, I want to say, not a challenge, or an attempt to start a debate, but rather an honest genuine question for any one who does know the answer.

-Sharon
"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?"   

Whoa... it's a lot to take in guys. I am so grateful for so many of you reply to me though, so thank you for that first of all.
I'll try to address as much as I can.
   
   To the person who mentioned not getting CPS involved... it's like your a mind reader. I had a knock on my door from.. guess who? I posted it about that as well on a separate thread if you'd like to read how that went. I don't know if it was him that called or his mother, but I tend to believe this is the kind of thing that his mother is more capable of. But the worker came and went and found nothing.
   To the person who posted about fair time with each parent, I should point out that I would absolutely have no problem at all with our son spending a week with his father and week with me, or how ever it would work out. I think that he deserves just as much time as I do. But the catch is that he is just not able to do that right now and we both know that. He's just graduated from boot camp in May, he's still going through his MOS training right now, they won't even let him buy a car. They own his every move right now, and he doesn't even know when he'll be able to get liberty. Some one else made a beautiful suggestion about making it so he has weekends when he's available with 48 hours notice to me, just so I know what's going on. I would love to work with that for now until my ex gets more freedom and we can work something else out.
   This board has been so helpful so far, and I really appreciate all of your comments, well wishes and great advice. I'm sorry if I've missed any one at all, but I am dead on my feet right now, just spent my first day at the court house, (which you can also read about in my post about loosing my mind lol). So thank you again to any one who's replied, and keep em' coming guys, the more the merrier. And what's great about this board is by answering questions that I or others have already posted, it's possible we're answering question that many people have but haven't asked yet. It's a beautiful thing helping others ya'll

-Sharon
"I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so thatyou can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate themwhen their right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trustno one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so betterthings can fall together."

I posted this on another board, but I thought I'd post it here as well, I thought there were a few of you who might be able to appreciate it. I guess my reason for posting it is, even though it wasn't a great experience and I wanted to pull my hair out by the end of it, I feel like you have to find the humor in things, or laugh through the bad times, or I don't know if I'd make it through it all to tell the truth. So feel free to share a giggle with me, that's why I posted. I think all of us can use a laugh.

So my story begins.......


So since I'm brand new to all of this mess, I thought I'd share with you all my first court house experience, just for giggles. This was great(so being sarcastic right now lol)
So I start my day by going to a consultation with a lawyer, get my feet wet, find out options right? She tells me she wants $3,500 up front, so I laughed my way out of the office... walked on down to the court house. Found a service that helps low income people with family law issues. Waited 45 mins to be seen, but that's fine, it's free, I'm not complaining.
  At this point a sweet woman hands me packets to fill out, and example packets identical the the paper work telling me exactly what to mark, where to mark it, what to fill out... yadda, yadda, yadda. Tells me to fill it out, come back and she'll go through it with me.
  So I take my paper work, and my "how to fill out custody orders for dummies" packet,find a cozy corner and spend another hour filling it all out to the T.
Take it back to the SAME woman, who says to me, "I'm sorry, we're not going over papers with people today, take this to the clerk and try to file it, and if there's anything wrong she'll mark it for you to fix."
So I walk down to the clerk, give her my packet that I filled out EXACTLY as the packet showed me to do, and she proceeds to yellow mark EVERY stinkin page and tab ever single page for missing or wrong information. Tells me to fix it and bring it back.
So I spend another hour, fix every thing as she asked, and take it back AGAIN...and you guys are gonna love this part.. you ready for this... it's like the punch line....

  She looks at my work, types something in the computer and says,"Did you know that your ex already filed this paper work?"

Yeah,seriously lol. So I tell her I didn't know that, because I didn't of course. And then find out he filed it September of last year and has up to three years to serve me which he hasn't done yet obviously because I had no clue about it. So I'm near tears at this point, and she says tome that I have to fill out a different set of papers all together. Then she says, "Oh wait, you can just go ahead and file your papers and the judge can just combine the two cases." I asked her if she was sure, postive, that would be okay, and she confirms it. Then tells me that I need to make two copies of everything after making the corrections(Keep in mind when I say I'm broke, I mean I have $10 in my purse, and $1.33in the bank and that's it!) and that copies are 50 cents per side. I need 26 copies.
   So I make the corrections, lucky enough to borrow money from a friend that was helping me, make my copies, then make my way back to the window with my now perfectly filled out forms and my two copies of everything, relieved because it's done. Hand in my papers and wait for the clerk.
  Who comes out and tells me,"Did you know that your ex already filed these papers?" lol. So I go through the whole song and dance again, only this time she tells me, "Sorry the other clerk was mistaken, you can't do it that way. What you have to fill out is a response to his petition."
  She hands me this new packet to fill out... then closes her window, and shuts off the lightsin the office because at this point, the court house is now closed......


  So the whole day spent and one massive headache later, and I literally got NOTHING at all done. This whole day feels like one big punch line.
Is it always like this guys? Do I really have years of this to look forward to? How do you all do it with out going nuts?

Anyways,just thought I'd share that fun experience with you since it was a first for me, and I have a feeling that some of you have been there before.


I'll look back on this and laugh someday right?

   -Sharon
    "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."   

So since I'm brand new to all of this mess, I thought I'd share with you all my first court house experience, just for giggles. This was great(so being sarcastic right now lol)
So I start my day by going to a consultation with a lawyer, get my feet wet, find out options right? She tells me she wants $3,500 up front, so I laughed my way out of the office... walked on down to the court house. Found a service that helps low income people with family law issues. Waited 45 mins to be seen, but that's fine, it's free, I'm not complaining.
   At this point a sweet woman hands me packets to fill out, and example packets identical the the paper work telling me exactly what to mark, where to mark it, what to fill out... yadda, yadda, yadda. Tells me to fill it out, come back and she'll go through it with me.
   So I take my paper work, and my "how to fill out custody orders for dummies" packet, find a cozy corner and spend another hour filling it all out to the T.
   Take it back to the SAME woman, who says to me, "I'm sorry, we're not going over papers with people today, take this to the clerk and try to file it, and if there's anything wrong she'll mark it for you to fix."
   So I walk down to the clerk, give her my packet that I filled out EXACTLY as the packet showed me to do, and she proceeds to yellow mark EVERY stinkin page and tab ever single page for missing or wrong information. Tells me to fix it and bring it back.
  So I spend another hour, fix every thing as she asked, and take it back AGAIN... and you guys are gonna love this part.. you ready for this... it's like the punch line....

   She looks at my work, types something in the computer and says,"Did you know that your ex already filed this paper work?"

Yeah, seriously lol. So I tell her I didn't know that, because I didn't of course. And then find out he filed it September of last year and has up to three years to serve me which he hasn't done yet obviously because I had no clue about it. So I'm near tears at this point, and she says to me that I have to fill out a different set of papers all together. Then she says, "Oh wait, you can just go ahead and file your papers and the judge can just combine the two cases." I asked her if she was sure, postive, that would be okay, and she confirms it. Then tells me that I need to make two copies of everything after making the corrections(Keep in mind when I say I'm broke, I mean I have $10 in my purse, and $1.33 in the bank and that's it!) and that copies are 50 cents per side. I need 26 copies.
    So I make the corrections, lucky enough to borrow money from a friend that was helping me, make my copies, then make my way back to the window with my now perfectly filled out forms and my two copies of everything, relieved because it's done. Hand in my papers and wait for the clerk.
   Who comes out and tells me,"Did you know that your ex already filed these papers?" lol. So I go through the whole song and dance again, only this time she tells me, "Sorry the other clerk was mistaken, you can't do it that way. What you have to fill out is a response to his petition."
   She hands me this new packet to fill out... then closes her window, and shuts off the lights in the office because at this point, the court house is now closed......


    So the whole day spent and one massive headache later, and I literally got NOTHING at all done. This whole day feels like one big punch line.
Is it always like this guys? Do I really have years of this to look forward to? How do you all do it with out going nuts?

Anyways, just thought I'd share that fun experience with you since it was a first for me, and I have a feeling that some of you have been there before.


I'll look back on this and laugh someday right?
-Sharon

I didn't know I wasn't allowed to post here. I only did because I posted on the mother's forum and a man named Davy told me to post here instead. I'm new to this and just figuring it out. Sorry if I've offened any one by posting here, I'm just looking for help, just like the rest of you.

Thanks for your reply brwneyedmom...
I'm hoping it will work in my favor that he's being unreasonable. He says I'm trying to take our son from him when I've said over and over again that I'm not trying to do that, I just want to get a joint custody order in place so he'll stop playing tug of war with our son. He's convinced that I'm trying to get the order in place hoping that he can't abide by it and that I'll claim he's in violation of the order so that I can just get full custody instead. He's always had these conspiracy theories and felt like the whole world was out to get him and when he gets crazy like this there's no reasoning with him.
He's mad right now because I told him that our son is not going back to his house until he gives me some good faith proof that he's willing to participate in this and get the paper work started in the least and he's not willing to do that either.
I don't understand this at all... he's never had a problem with the custody before, and then all of a sudden the past few weeks he's completely flipped out.
I'm hoping to do this on my own, because I can't afford an attorney, but I am meeting with one tomorrow, just a consult to see what my options are. Maybe I'll be able to get some ideas from there.
Does any one have any good question that I should be asking this attorney tomorrow that you can think of? I don't even know where to start.
How long have you been in this custody battle with your ex? I'm starting to read around this board and I'm hearing YEARS in some cases... that's crazy to me. By the time it's all figured out, it seems like every one has been fighting throughout the kid's whole childhood and he/she is an adult by the time it's all said and done, and what was the point?
Why does it have to be so hard. Weren't we all people who were in love once? Didn't we make these children out of love? And we can't even get along long enough to figure out a sleep over? This is insanity... or am I only one who thinks that?

-Sharon
"Insanity is a perfectly sane response to an insane world"

 I'm now officially going into panic mode. I just had a surprise visit from a social worker. I cannot believe he would stoop so low. He made all sorts of horrific claims about our house. Said it was disgustingly dirty and there was no food here.
The social worker came in, I wasn't dressed by any means. My son just had a nose bleed two seconds before he knocked on the door. But he said that every thing was fine, the house was clean, the pantry and fridge are fully stocked, and that my son looks like a normal healthy three year old boy, with tons of energy.
Why do this though? I don't understand. He's always said that he thought I was a good mother. He knows that our son is always taken care of. Why be nasty, especially when it won't come to fruition? There was nothing to be found and he knew that. Is he just using scare tactics?
I'm freaking out here, one week into this non sense and he's already turning into a horrible person.
-Sharon

I posted this same topic on the Moms with out custody board, and I was told that I actually have custody(which I wasn't totally sure of) basically by default, and that I might have some better luck with advice on this board.


I'm brand new to all of this, and by that I don't mean just this site.I mean having to fight over custody. Let me introduce myself first. My name is Sharon, 26, mom of one, from California.
His father and I have been apart for almost two years now(Never legally married). We were together for four years before he left. It was rocky at first, but him and I were able to mostly remain friends through it, and never had an issue as far as custody went. It was the one thing the both of us agreed on, and never had trouble with. He'd give me a call when he wanted to hang out with the kiddo, or I could give him a call when I needed to do something and wanted him to take him for a bit. No big deal on either of our sides.
Now all of a sudden the past few months it's becoming a problem. The only thing that has changed with us is he just graduated from boot camp for the Marines, and I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. But now everything is just angry with him. Last minute changes with our son, not keeping his word about when he's bringing him back, doing things like cutting his hair without talking to me, which might not sound like a big deal I suppose. But the big deal right now is, last week, when we yet again had an issue with him bringing our son back when he was supposed to(wanted to bring him two days later), I told him that maybe it's time we go ahead and get a custody order in place, just so we can be clean about where our son is going, with who, when, and for how long. So we don't keep running into this problem. His first reaction was to start yelling,cussing, and to tell me that he was going to take full custody of our son and that I would never see him again.
It's not like him, and I'm not sure what's going on. I've never had a problem with our son spending time with him, I've always encouraged it, he loves his dad and I know his dad loves him. But now with the threats he's been making, I don't feel okay with sending our three year old back over to that house with out the protection of a custody order. I have no way of knowing that I'll ever get him back otherwise.
I need to know if any one has any advice on this situation. Or if any one knows how to get a custody order in place with out an lawyer, which is something that I have noway of affording right now. I'm a full time college student, lost my job three months ago to down sizing, and I don't even have child support to lean on because he's never paid a dime of it in two years(another story for another time).
Any advice anyone can offer would be a great help and I thank you all in advance.
-Sharon