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My ex has custody of our 21 month old daughter and I have visitations.  She is not very easy to deal with and I'm not sure how to approach her in this situation.  My grandfather passed away this morning and I feel that I should inform my ex that this has happened since he was our daughter's great grandfather.  My daughter had only been around him on 3 or 4 occasions so she did not really know him.  My grandfather had been in the hospital for about 4 months fighting illness and during this time, I was battling with my ex in court for visitation rights.  What I am unsure about is if I should mention to my ex that my grandmother has said that it would really mean a lot to her if my daughter could be around some during this time.  I don't feel that she should necessarily attend the funeral being that she may be too young, but I don't feel it's unreasonable to want her to spend a little time with the family.  So, should I simply inform my ex that our daughter's great grandfather has passed and see if she asks about any details of services or anything and leave it at that?  Or should I just come straight out and tell her that my grandmother has requested that our daughter spend a little time with her and the family?

First a little background...I took my ex fiance to court on June 25 because she would not allow me to see our 19 month old daughter.  Despite the fact the my ex and her lawyer wanted me to have one supervised visitation a week for several months, the judge ruled that I have two unsupervised visits, two hours each, twice a week for thirty days.  After the thirty days, we were to meet back and schedule my overnight visitations.  Thirty days passed and I heard nothing of a court date to schedule overnight visits.  I contacted my attorney and he contacted my ex's attorney saying that we felt it was time to schedule overnight visits and we would like to do it without invoking the court if possible.  After several days and hearing nothing from my ex's attorney, my attorney started the process of scheduling another court date.  After the court date was set, we received a new visitation proposal from my ex's attorney.  It had my current twice a week visits increasing by two hours each week and then beginning overnight visits in mid September.  My lawyer suggested that I agree to the proposal as an act of good faith and to avoid any further legal expense.  Being that it was already twenty days past when I thought I would start overnight visits, I reluctantly agreed.  Now I have the task of making a proposed overnight visit schedule to present to my attorney.  The judge did not lay out any specifics about visitation.  He only said that my ex and I should be mature enough to handle scheduling visits without anyone else having to get involved and that since I didn't work a normal, five day work week, visits would be scheduled around my work schedule.  I have made a schedule that has me having my daughter about one third of every month and my ex and I alternating holidays.  I don't feel that my ex will agree to it.  She absolutley hates the fact that I get any time with our daughter.  After we split, she wouldn't even tell me how she was doing.  She said that I didn't get the privilege of knowing.  She has being going along with the current visit schedule very reluctantly and has been anything but easy to deal with.  Am I proposing too much time or maybe not enough?  I don't feel that ten or eleven days a month is asking too much.  I believe a child needs substantial time with both parents.  If my ex doesn't agree to my proposal, should I just go back to court and take my chances with the judge?  Also, my ex's sister is due to give birth at the end of the month.  My ex said that she and our daughter will be going to her when she delivers and that it may affect two of my scheduled visits.  Does my time with my daughter come second to things like this?

I took my exgirlfriend to court on June 25 because she would not allow me to see my daughter after we split in mid march.  The judge gave me two visits, two hours a week, unsupervised in which I pick the child up from my ex's home and bring her back.  He said that after 30 days of these visits, we would meet again to schedule my overnight visitations.  On my first visit, my ex was very agitated and would not even speak to me during the exchanges. 

On my second visit, in which I was accompanied by a family member, she was very polite and cooperative.  It was the same way for the next 4 visits in which I was also accompanied by a family member.  The visits after this, I had no one to accompany on my visits and her original nasty, negative attitude returned.  She acts as if she hates the fact that I get to see my daughter and goes along with the visits like someone is holding a gun to her head.  She absolutely hates the fact that I am involved in my daughter's life. 

Since I started going on visits alone, she has been fabricating stories and lies that I assume is to use against me and try to make me look bad.  For example, she sent me and her lawyer an email about me entering her home when I come to pick my daughter.  She said that I have entered her home twice without knocking and uninvited in which I have not.  She doesn't allow our daughter to eat french fries and has accused me of giving them to her. 

I feel that I could give them to her if I wanted, but I know how my ex feeds her and I try to respect that.  She has said that our daughter comes back from dinner time visits hungry implying that I am not feeding her properly.  She said I bring her back with scratches and rashes.  She says she tries very hard to communicate with me but I am unwilling to do so which is completely untrue. 

On every exchange, I am as nice and polite as I know how to be despite her nasty, negative attitude.  She says that she called me during one of my visits to tell me something I needed to know about our daughter and I didn't answer my phone.  She hasn't called my phone since March.  These are just a few examples.  The list goes on.  It has been 49 days now and I'm still not getting my overnight visits.  I contacted my lawyer and he contacted my ex's lawyer about the possibility of scheduling the overnight visits without having to going to court. 

After a week, he hadn't heard anything, so he scheduled a hearing which is scheduled for a week from now.  Today, my ex and her lawyer decide they want to work out an agreement.  They suggested increasing one of my 2 hour visits by 2 hours every other week for the next 4 weeks.  Then start scheduling overnight visits in the middle of September.  I do not want to agree to this.  It's already been 19 days past the 30 that the judge ordered.  I know she is just trying to be in control of the sitiuation and have things her way to the extent that she can. 

She acts as if our daughter is more her than she is mine and treats me as she would a baby sitter.  She asks what all we did on the visits, what I fed her, where we went, and so on.  She totally hates the fact that I get to see my child and is trying to delay my overnight visits.  I have already fully prepared myself with the neccessities to care for my child overnight and I have almost run out of patience with all of this. 

I feel defenseless against the lies and stories she is fabricating.  What can I do?  I'm waiting on my lawyer to call me back now.  I know he is going to say that if we don't agree to their proposal, it may look bad to a judge.  Any advice?