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It might help if you ask the teacher to send you just the copies of tests, or study sheets for upcoming tests on a weekly basis.  (Along with the notices of field trips, etc.) You would probably get alot more cooperation if the teacher doesn't have the hassle of having to copy every single classroom/homework assignment that the child does.   The tests will give you more detail than just a report card or online grade without burying the teacher in paperwork.

I agree with ocean about telling bm to send the uniform on days the child has soccer.  (That's all I would say too, I would not commit that sending the uniform was a guarantee he would be there but I would NOT take him if she fails to send it.)  Just make sure you do something REALLY fun with the child if you make him miss.

I would go to the coach and introduce myself and ask for a copy of the schedule.  I'd also make sure to give the coach my phone # and email address and ask that he please keep me up to speed on any changes or additional info.  You might want to ask if there is a website for the team online where you can find updates.

If you have other plans on any of your parenting days that would keep your ds from attending soccer, I would call the coach to advise him.  I would not call bm.  In her own words, it is not her day.  Let her find out when she gets there.  I'm sure once you get a copy of the schedule you won't be getting any courtesy calls from her if he will be missing a game.

I really do believe in taking the high road but there are times that you just have to show someone first hand what things are like to be in your shoes.  Evidently bm likes to subscribe to the theory that you don't need to know if it's not your day so you are just respecting her wishes by doing the same.  (a little sarcasm, but you get the point and bm will too.)

If I can make a suggestion, when bm violates the court order I would send her a very polite and business like cert letter RRR, stating the problem and asking that she fix it.  After you've accummulated 3-5 or so, then file a motion for contempt.  Bm will have little defense after you've repeatedly objected to her in writing.  Also, it shows the judge you have tried to work this out without taking up the court's time however bm refuses to cooperate. 

Good luck.

You have custody of the boys, you decide when they are responsible enough, and you decide when they have contact with their mom.  If mom did not respect you enough to get your permission to send the phones then just put them away.  Mom knows your phone number if she wants to talk to the kids.  Why open yourself up to this kind of stress when it is already hard enough to monitor mom's condition before she talks to the boys and to make sure she isn't putting anyone else on the phone with them?

What are you going to do if next week she sends them bb guns?  You are the one in charge and you can just flat out say "no".  Maybe bm will learn to check with you first once she finds out it is a waste of money if she doesn't. 

I have a few suggestions that might be helpful to you.

Keep a journal noting the dates along with anything significant.  Keep it free of emotion and write it as if the judge will read it.  Also note anything you try to remedy the situation.  Don't hesitate to make notations in the journal when bm IS cooperative and follows the order.  It will add credibility to your journal.

Each time bm violates the court order try to gather any documentation you have to support it, such as email, phone records, etc.  An easy way to keep track is to print anything out, make sure it is dated, and place in a loose leaf binder under the appropriate divider.  (ROFR, Parenting Time Interference, etc.)

Each time bm violates the court order send her an email and certified letter, return receipt requested, stating the violation along with a copy of the page from the co highlighting the applicable part.  This will counter bm saying she "did not know".  Make sure all communication is calm, factual, and business like.  Don't get wordy, keep it as brief as possible.  Make copies and add to your binder.

Have multiple examples w/documentation before filing a motion for contempt.  This will prevent bm from making excuses for why it happened "just one time", or she "didn't know".  It will also show the judge that bm is blatantly ignoring the orders.  Be sure you ask for what remedy you want within the motion.  If you want to be patient long enough it might qualify as a significant change in circumstances that could warrant a custody change.

The expense of hiring a PI a few times could go a long way, like to identify when bm is at work.  Besides providing you with documentation, the big benefit over just using a subpeona to find out bm's schedule, is once she finds out it will help keep her honest as she will not know when you are having her watched.  (You won't always be able to subpeona her work records just because you want to know.) 

If you do find bm's at work, call the police and ask for a civil standby, bring a copy of the court order, and go to her house to pick up your kids.  You will have the absolute right to get them with bm not there and you (dad) having a co showing he can have the kids.

Like the op have said, in the absence of a co either parent can legally take the children wherever they want. 

I'm sure your wife is hoping you will buy into the idea that you make be able to work things out eventually.  If she can stahl you long enough, she will be able to file for divorce and custody in the state she is now residing in once she meets the residency requirements.  If you don't file now in your state you may find yourself having to travel back and forth to the court in her state, as well as having to hire an attorney from there.

Get the kids returned to you and start to establish the status quo of you being the primary parent.

Would it be helpful to your DD to encourage her to call her mom?

One thing you might consider doing is to check the kids when they arrive and have a 3rd party check the kids for lice just before going back to bm.  (If you know someone who is close by like a teacher or health care provider it would be even better.) Just have them sign and date a statement.  I am a big believer in documentation. 

IF the kids have lice and IF it has been an ongoing issue, it would be very possible for them to become reinfected at either home if the house has not been properly treated along with treatment for the kids.  I would definitely treat the house before they return even if the problem originates at the bm's house.   

Why does mom have the say over dad getting the Wednesday visit?

Hi.  I'm a new poster to this forum also (although I have read the "Articles" and other info from here for years). 

I assume your name is on your daughter's birth cert.  My first suggestion is to find yourself the best family attorney in your area and go in for a consultation (often free) without the knowledge of your child's mother. 

You need to start a journal documenting everything you do for your daughter each day and secure this journal where no one else will see it or know it exists.  (You can do it in the computer and keep it under a password.)  Stay as involved as possible in taking care of your daughter.

It is not uncommon for women in this position to make false accusations and try to obtain a restraining order.  I suggest you use an MP3 player anytime your so or her older daughter is in the house with you.  Let it run continuously, not just when someone is talking.  If the police are called and a false accusation is made you will be able to prove it did not happen which might keep you from going to jail.  It would also record any suicide threat which should be met with you immediately calling the police for her safety.  (If she denies it, again you have the recorded proof.)  If any of this happens make sure you obtain copies of all the police reports.

I would also make sure all your paychecks are going into a bank account in your name only.  If there are any joint accounts you could remove the funds and put them in a separate account in your name for safe keeping so she cannot wipe you out.

It will be difficult for her so to leave without a vehicle or extra money.  This will buy you time to talk to an attorney and perhaps file papers giving you temporary custody so she cannot leave with your daughter. 

Most importantly, don't engage in ANY disagreements with her and do not give her any info on what you are doing.  Stay calm and reasonable at all times and keep that recorder running.

Find an attorney ASAP. 

Good luck.