Hi,
I hope I am doing this correctly. I am at the breaking point. For almost 4 years, I have stayed with (undiagnosed, but positively,) Borderline Personality Disorder wife. We have an almost 4 yr. old daughter, who is a miracle and gift from heaven. Long story, received a brain trauma in auto accident, and was not expected to live, (at 3 weeks old.) Daughter is so wonderful and doing normal at this point.
I absolutely see huge and more and more frequent signs of mental child abuse, with some physical abuse. It has been ever so subtle and not something that can be documented. I am in Ca and secret recording is illegal. My 3 yr. old has been slapping all of us across the face very hard, breaking down and saying,"Mom hit me so hard, so hard...", Her speech is not clear always, but it's clear enough. We have all been aware of not asking her questions which could possibly plant false memories.
All that she says, just comes out at different times. Last night I pick her up from my moms house. She only wants to go over there and play with grandma, aunties, and all the animals. As usual, my wife called, (she does this for "show") in public she is "mother of the year." I have gone on doing anything to prevent conflict. I'm sure I need therapy too. I just can't stand to listen to the yelling, crying, and rages 24/7. Will not constantly expose daughter to it either. She called, and asks to speak to daughter, (she is at work,) can stay at home, but always wants more money.
Daughter gets on phone, walks around like she does, talking; gives me the phone back, and proceeds to break down into the most heartwrenching, to the soul, sobbing that you can imagine. Wife starts yelling at me as to why? I say that I don't know why. Nobody here has said or suggested anything about wife. Nobody here is out to "get" wife. We all want daughter to be able to have a mother.
We have tried EVERYTHING. It's not to be. So, my daughter chokes out, "My tummy hurts, I need to go poo-poo..." My mom takes her to the BR. My mom asks her why she is so sad. She drops her little head and points to her chest. My mom asks again and she points to her own chest again. (?) She passes a little diarrhea and then we try desperately to cheer her up, to no avail. Wife then again, demands to talk to her. We give her the phone, she does not cry and answers questions. Then as soon as she gives the phone back to me, she breaks down into heaving sobs again.
My mom again asks her what's wrong. She just says "Mommy". Then she takes forever to come out of it, which is unlike her. My sisters and mom don't want her to not have a mother, (even not a great mother would be ok). There is no hope. We have been through so much, and I cannot leave the marriage and end up leaving daughter with a joint custody order. I don't know where to turn. I honestly fear for my daughter's life at times. I seem to be wife's obsession and "property" and if I leave, she will quite possibly take her rage out on daughter.
I feel that she is mentally ill for sure, but so was Jeffery Dahmer. I can't "fix" my wife because she (according to her,) she has no problems. My thought and question is: Can I hire an evaluator to evaluate all 3 of us? If I tell her that I am leaving, no discussion, unless we all get evaluations, I believe she will agree. Once the evaluator sees our daughter for 2 min., I am sure she/he will see big signs of abuse. That way, I will have some leverage when I get to court later. My family and I are not educated in psychology whatsoever, but these signs of abuse seem so textbook.
I apologize for the length of this. I could write a book. I've never seen this situation in a horror movie or talk show.
We are heartbroken that this has gone on too long already. I just started out needing to be sure that she (daughter,) would not lose a mother because of me. I was willing to stay in the insanity for many years and be loving, if it meant that my wife would love her own daughter. Now, I believe, she most likely hates her own daughter. She only uses her for attention and as a pawn.
Can I just hire an evaluator? An impartial evaluator that will do a true and honest evaluation? Or, what can my next move be to insure that my daughter will not be a whipping post? Should I call CPS and say that my wife is abusive and I can't document it but we need help and an evaluation? She will without a doubt, accuse me of everything under the sun, but I have read that the "pros" have ways of seeing the truth.
Any suggestions would be deeply appreciated. Again, I'm sorry about the length. I know that we all have very important issues. I will try to help others as much as possible, when possible.
I am on my parents computer, needless to say. I am watched (without reason) and checked on every minute of every day. I am VERY abused, but will deal with all that after daughter is safe. I have lost good, decent friends, and any normal life. She has brought slime people into our lives. She only can keep a couple of "friends" that she feels superior to. They are horrible mothers and she actually counsels them! She is so poisonous and evil.
An attorney is too expensive right now, (I did that 2 yrs ago and it was well over 2000.00.) I actually felt sorry for her, and went back like a fool. She was ordered to take parenting classes which was a joke. I went back for our daughter and felt sorry for wife, and it's the biggest mistake of my life. I am now 25 and feel 90.
I hope I am doing this correctly. I am at the breaking point. For almost 4 years, I have stayed with (undiagnosed, but positively,) Borderline Personality Disorder wife. We have an almost 4 yr. old daughter, who is a miracle and gift from heaven. Long story, received a brain trauma in auto accident, and was not expected to live, (at 3 weeks old.) Daughter is so wonderful and doing normal at this point.
I absolutely see huge and more and more frequent signs of mental child abuse, with some physical abuse. It has been ever so subtle and not something that can be documented. I am in Ca and secret recording is illegal. My 3 yr. old has been slapping all of us across the face very hard, breaking down and saying,"Mom hit me so hard, so hard...", Her speech is not clear always, but it's clear enough. We have all been aware of not asking her questions which could possibly plant false memories.
All that she says, just comes out at different times. Last night I pick her up from my moms house. She only wants to go over there and play with grandma, aunties, and all the animals. As usual, my wife called, (she does this for "show") in public she is "mother of the year." I have gone on doing anything to prevent conflict. I'm sure I need therapy too. I just can't stand to listen to the yelling, crying, and rages 24/7. Will not constantly expose daughter to it either. She called, and asks to speak to daughter, (she is at work,) can stay at home, but always wants more money.
Daughter gets on phone, walks around like she does, talking; gives me the phone back, and proceeds to break down into the most heartwrenching, to the soul, sobbing that you can imagine. Wife starts yelling at me as to why? I say that I don't know why. Nobody here has said or suggested anything about wife. Nobody here is out to "get" wife. We all want daughter to be able to have a mother.
We have tried EVERYTHING. It's not to be. So, my daughter chokes out, "My tummy hurts, I need to go poo-poo..." My mom takes her to the BR. My mom asks her why she is so sad. She drops her little head and points to her chest. My mom asks again and she points to her own chest again. (?) She passes a little diarrhea and then we try desperately to cheer her up, to no avail. Wife then again, demands to talk to her. We give her the phone, she does not cry and answers questions. Then as soon as she gives the phone back to me, she breaks down into heaving sobs again.
My mom again asks her what's wrong. She just says "Mommy". Then she takes forever to come out of it, which is unlike her. My sisters and mom don't want her to not have a mother, (even not a great mother would be ok). There is no hope. We have been through so much, and I cannot leave the marriage and end up leaving daughter with a joint custody order. I don't know where to turn. I honestly fear for my daughter's life at times. I seem to be wife's obsession and "property" and if I leave, she will quite possibly take her rage out on daughter.
I feel that she is mentally ill for sure, but so was Jeffery Dahmer. I can't "fix" my wife because she (according to her,) she has no problems. My thought and question is: Can I hire an evaluator to evaluate all 3 of us? If I tell her that I am leaving, no discussion, unless we all get evaluations, I believe she will agree. Once the evaluator sees our daughter for 2 min., I am sure she/he will see big signs of abuse. That way, I will have some leverage when I get to court later. My family and I are not educated in psychology whatsoever, but these signs of abuse seem so textbook.
I apologize for the length of this. I could write a book. I've never seen this situation in a horror movie or talk show.
We are heartbroken that this has gone on too long already. I just started out needing to be sure that she (daughter,) would not lose a mother because of me. I was willing to stay in the insanity for many years and be loving, if it meant that my wife would love her own daughter. Now, I believe, she most likely hates her own daughter. She only uses her for attention and as a pawn.
Can I just hire an evaluator? An impartial evaluator that will do a true and honest evaluation? Or, what can my next move be to insure that my daughter will not be a whipping post? Should I call CPS and say that my wife is abusive and I can't document it but we need help and an evaluation? She will without a doubt, accuse me of everything under the sun, but I have read that the "pros" have ways of seeing the truth.
Any suggestions would be deeply appreciated. Again, I'm sorry about the length. I know that we all have very important issues. I will try to help others as much as possible, when possible.
I am on my parents computer, needless to say. I am watched (without reason) and checked on every minute of every day. I am VERY abused, but will deal with all that after daughter is safe. I have lost good, decent friends, and any normal life. She has brought slime people into our lives. She only can keep a couple of "friends" that she feels superior to. They are horrible mothers and she actually counsels them! She is so poisonous and evil.
An attorney is too expensive right now, (I did that 2 yrs ago and it was well over 2000.00.) I actually felt sorry for her, and went back like a fool. She was ordered to take parenting classes which was a joke. I went back for our daughter and felt sorry for wife, and it's the biggest mistake of my life. I am now 25 and feel 90.