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I am trying to track the names of folks.  Does anyone here know of a web site that can get me the name of a cell phone number.  Many of what I have seen will charge you for it, but are they really good and get you the information?

Thank you.

I found out via facebook messages that my very slight suspicions were correct.  Turns out the wife has slept around at least once, but is also sexting with a couple of guys I used to know who just make me sick.

So basically, this so-called marriage is over for me at least.  Worst news, there are 2 kids and 1 on the way.  I now have to figure out is the new one is mine or not.  Her messages on Facebook said "I was careful".

So.. despite the fact that getting a divorce and all that I will see my existing 2 boys way less and I will have to pay her a fortune in child support..  I did the math and I am allowed to eat, have a place and a small beater vehicle, and that is about it...  with 3 kids they will take home close to 1/2 my net.  The kids will have to a new school district because the mom will get the main custody deal as with a new baby and standard rules.  I got a new\different job where I do not travel much at all but I still work and she does not so obviously she does more with them no matter how you spin it.

But despite all that I will deal with, here is the the thing that is going to get me the most..  I have not confronted her yet with all this simply because I am trying to think a little before reacting..  When we do talk about it.. she will blame me for it.  It will be all my fault.  We have been going to consoling as this thing has not been all that great from the start.  There are reasons on both sides, obviously.  So I am trying to prep my mind and responses to handle the deal of...  You did something really bad, but you are attacking me.  In fact you are not addressing anything you did, almost to the point of saying it is ok, but the whole issue is me.

That is what I will be dealing with.  On top of it all, I stopped a friendship because he cheated on his wife..  I could not do it.  So she knows the deal and she even agrees with me.  Well at the time.  She gives out all kinds of advise on cheating, how she would never do it and all that.  I mean she was on facebook taking to one of those guys saying how if she cheated that I would leave, in the context of this guy trying to get with her and then a few messages later there is explicit sex talk between them.

With all that... the initial struggle is with her attacking me with her wrong doing.  FYI, logic in any capacity means nothing to her.  Math is even wrong.  So have to be very creative in how to handle it.

Thanks all. 

Thanks for the comments Phil, while I do not like what you are saying, I get what you are saying .

I am stuck as I am in a short term issue....  Meaning if the boys were a little older, if my mom was not so sick.. I would be able to go for full custody as there are a couple of issues that I fear greatly of as the boys get older..  as I do not think the mom is really capable of raising them.

She is "playing" the I am the mom and I get the boys card, and that card only.  Not what is reallt best overall for the boys.  She wants to move out of state and basically make it all but impossible for me to see them but for maybe... in a good month 2 times a month..  And that is assuming I am travelling to the NorthEast.  If not then I would have to pay for the plane ticket to visit.

I was\am trying to be creative in options so the boys can not be so severely effected by the whole process for one, and second to make sure they in the the type of environment that will let them grow and live healthy.  The gypsy lifestyle the mom has talked about has no intent of planning for a financial future seriously concerns me.

Sorry, I was ranting there...  But again thanks for the input

  I wish I knew.  She not want to put the youngest in day care, so somehowI guess she will stay with friends or something.  She has no plan until the court decides one apparently.  She can cut hair.  She is actually really good at and could make decent money.

What you say is were I am thinking\hoping to go towards.  I now just need to get a lawyer that can really push for this to happen and not break my bank

I am curious based on the variety of experiences here on this web site...  what have you seen.

If my current work requires travel, 50% of the time.  I am gone Monday AM to Thursday PM.  What chances do I have for 50% custody?  What chances for primary care?

I am looking for other work but right now not going well.

The concerns I have and why I would like to push this, the mom does not seemly want to work.  And since she does not want to work, she will be living with friends or maybe eventually find a place.  Seems pretty "undesirable" to me.  Causes concern.

Plus the mom, in my non-professional opinion, has emtional issues that cause me greater concern as my 2 boys get older.  I fear she will not be able to "emtionally grow up" enough to handle them as they get older.  I have no idea how to prove such a thing unless she actually goes through a phsyc eval.

But I am not wanting or trying to keep her away from the boys in any capacity, I am just thinking from a stability point of view, then staying in the same house as a focal point would be good for them.

I know this would sound strange; but as an idea...  Could I not "pay her" to watch the boys while I was away.  As a way of child support or something like that?  That way it would seem everyone would win.  Just trying to be creative in approaches.

But from what I have read here... if you are the dad, you are automatically the loser and do not deserve to see your kids except 8 days of the month or something like that.

Thanks all.

OK, the mom and I are parting ways; but we currently are living together.  She wants to move back to MA but I do not see how\why I would "allow" her and both boys to move out of state like that.  We currently live in TX.. and I like seeing my boys not seeing them once a month.

Given this, she is not intending on doing anything like finding\getting a job, finding a place to live, etc.  She wants to court to decide what will happen and then go figure it out.

If needed she is going to live with friends.  I am unsure what friends this would be.

Is any of this OK?  I will be filiing the petition to keep the boys in the state first.

I am unsure how this works overall.  She is going to go for full custody and right now my job I travel so I can not be home every night.  Even thought I am looking and trying to change jobs but it is not easy.

Is what she doing even make sense?  is this not really going to make her look really bad in court?  I am just confused my these actions.

I have not talked to alawyer yet; but I have so far not been able to get a straight answer on this question.  I am asking here as these laws are all different by state.

To make round number, let say for 2 kids u should pay $1,200 and say that is the max # based on the % and income.  If you pay their medical, does that come out of this number? What about paying for school?

I am trying to get a handle to know if I will go bankrupt or not because of this. It seems that even with phsyical custody at 50%, the amount paid will not be adjusted too much.

Is it possible to be primary caregiver andstill pay child support?  Is it possible to be primiary caregiver and have phsyical custody < 50%?

Any insight?

First off, yes I will be talking to a lawyer to gain some insight.  But right now I am just getting stressed trying to gain some clue about what will happen... to the best I can at this point in time.

The mom and me, we are technically common law marriage in TX.  We have 2 boys.  I am trying to figure out child support payments assuming I get a decent % of phsycial custody 40 to 50%.  (I really want 100% but current travel job prevents that right now)  So far I have found no real answer on how much child support changes based on this information.

Now, right now she is and been been living with me, she has no job.  The youngest boy is 1 1/2 right now.  Probably by the time this all gets to court he will be 2.  She refuses daycare.  The oldest boy is in a pre-kindengarden type of school right now.

She really wants to move back to MA.  I can not due to house and financial issues.  If I "force" her to stay I can only imagine she will want to then do the divorce thing and try to get alomony.  Basically.. to not work, or do very little to have spending money.  Unsure how or if she can even get almony given we have so much debt.

So the first concept I am trying to grapple with is the CS issue and how much, if anything it will be reduced because they stay with me 50% of the time.  (I have no issues taking care of the boys in any manner). 

The other parts... I will still research when I can.

Any insight at all???  Thanks

Unfortunately so many people hear are going through worse times then me.. so I feel for you all.  So in order to help me prevent my situation from going or getting worse, there are some simple things that I would like to see if I can get some true answers to.
Current deal, the mom of the 2 boys is and has been living with me for the past 6 years.  We ere engaged... but it just never happened.  And despite efforts we just do not get along.

So what I would like to know or clarify is this.

We live in TX.  She wants to move back to MA.  I can not just move due to house and debt issues.  Now I know she can "take" them to MA; but if I file a court order she will have to bring them back.  That is what I have learned.  But how much control does she or would she have in the case to move them out of state like that?  I know it all depends on the court itself.  But I would think you would want to keep the kids within the same proximity.

Child Support.... I am looking for at least 50% physical custody.  Due to my job (travel consultant) I might not be able to get more then 40%.  But does child support not depend on that %.  Say if the math comes out to $1,000.... And the mom has 50% custody, then she would get $500, right?

The mom is not really into working, despite the strong desire to get away from me.  She apparently has a "free" place to live in MA.  But I think the reality is, it is free for a couple of months, not a year 1500+...  Can not see someone giving away $1500+ a month to help a friend out...  for a few months sure..

Anyway, those are my 2 clarification questions...  If you have any insight, please let me know.

Thank you.