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Messages - phil

#1
But who is to say they aren't right there with him and haven't taught him?? That is assuming no one is teaching him. 
#2
Father's Issues / Re: Mediation Process
Jan 11, 2010, 07:25:38 AM
My uncontested divorce took 7 months in FL, so I would hate to say that their attorney is probaly right, if not longer.
#3
Again, and? I promise you I am not being flippant, but what does that matter? Her new husband in no way is responsible for the child you have together. Her saying she is a single Mom means what?   I am not sure what you are trying to get out of this.  Maybe if you can elaborate a bit more, better guidance can be provided. 
#4
If they are court documents related to your divorce, what does it matter?   I still have pleadings with my ex.  The courts always use my married name but I reverted to my maiden name.  It does not make the court documents invalid.
#5
Ocean gave you good advice.  One thing that needs to be emphasized, legally, you have zero rights to keep that child.  If you do that, you could be in serious legal trouble and could very much hurt your any chance of custody you would get.  You have to do it the right way.  File in their homestate to estabilsh paternity and your custodial rights.  Do NOT do what you are considering. 
#6
Ocean is right, being forced to move back isn't going to happen and neither is a custody change.  Once the court gives you the nod to relocate, the court isn't going to make you move back because of him.  So, take a deep breath.  What is his problem?  I mean, what is he saying he really wants that he is threatening this?
#7
Father's Issues / Re: Is this possible
Jan 09, 2010, 03:39:02 PM
The problem with what you are wanting is you changing jobs is hypothetical.  While you are working those hours now, Mom already is the primary care taker.  That is who custody generally goes to.  The other problem you have is ---are you a consultant? What time do you get home from traveling on Thursdays? I know quite a few people who have your work schedule and sometimes they aren't getting home till 11pm or even later depending where their client site is.  How could you get the children then?  The other problem is...you are saying Mom is good enough to watch the kids for you but you be primary? Umm, that makes her primary.  If the kids are with her all of those hours, it makes sense for her to continue to be the primary caretaker/custodial parent.  Nothing you have said would be indicative of a reason for Mom not to continue to be the primary caretaker.  The courts are also unlikely to not allow Mom any weekend time. 
#8
Custody Issues / Re: Dr. called me
Jan 06, 2010, 01:09:07 PM
Kitty,
I absolutely agree with you and know we are talking family court.  That is why it is extremely important to get an order stating no one can smoke around the child and the child must be given meds as prescribed.  That is the posters starting point. 

It is very important to understand there are different classifications of asthma..intrinsic, extrinsic and mixed.  Understanding that is critical because intrinsic asthma is not allergy-related, in fact it is caused by anything except an allergy. It may be caused by inhalation of chemicals such as cigarette smoke or cleaning agents, taking aspirin, a chest infection, stress, laughter, exercise, cold air, food preservatives or a myriad of other factors. (which would be important if it is this type and Mom is smoking around the child.)

Treatment of intrinsic asthma is not easy as it may not be known what triggers the asthma in the first place and therefore avoiding triggers can be impossible.
Avoidance of things with strong odours such as perfume or cleaning agents may be possible at home. Not going to smoky areas, avoiding air which is hot/cold/humid/dry - depending on your particular trigger and keeping calm can only be maintained up to a point.

Extrinsic is when an "allergen" or an "antigen" is a foreign particle which enters the body. The immune system over-reacts to these often harmless items, forming "antibodies" which are normally used to attack viruses or bacteria. Mast cells release these antibodies as well as other chemicals to defend the body.
Extrinsic asthma is caused by this type of immune system response to inhaled allergens such as pollen, animal dander or dust mite particles.

The different types of asthma are very important to understand because if the child is diagnosed with extrinsic asthma, while second hand smoke is always harmful, it would not be what precipitated the asthma attack.   It is very important for the poster to clarify with the doctor what type of asthma it is. 

Also regarding what you said, there can't be any sanctions if there aren't any orders forbidding it, so that is why I said the focus needs to be on getting the orders. 
#9
Custody Issues / Re: Dr. called me
Jan 06, 2010, 11:27:25 AM
Everyone means well, but the focus (legally) is not right.  If there are no orders to the contrary, Mom can smoke around the child.  Of course as a Mom, I cannot imagine for the life of me doing that, but ugh...anyway.  You need to file for an emergency order asking that Mom, visitors, etc... are not allowed to smoke in the same house/car/vicinity of the child.  You also need to ask that Mom must comply with the physicians orders as written.   But honestly, these are difficult orders to enforce.  The other problem is - child comes home smelling like smoke, or so you claim.  You put clothes in a bag.  Problem with this is - this is so easy to dispute in court, Mom says she didn't smoke around child, you said she did.  You have the bag with shirt in it. How do you prove this came home that way and was not altered by you? Same thing with the test to measure second hand smoke.  You cannot prove that the child was only exposed at Mom's.   It's a very easy thing to have thrown out. You can take child to the doctor too, but it is YOUR allegation she is not giving the meds as prescribed. You have no proof of that, so medical neglect is extremely difficult to prove. Also, you can't prove an asthma attack was precipitated by smoke rather than another factor.  I don't mean to sound negative, just have seen this so many times and nothing is ever done. It is such a difficult thing. My sympathy is with you.    What you can do - get the orders for no one to smoke, must give meds as prescribed, file contempt for her not giving you the information on the meds...have an attorney threaten her, maybe she will shape up.  Truly , my best to you.
#10
If (once paternity is proven) you file for visitation and her contention is you should not have visitation unless it is supervised, the judge "could" give you temp orders, however, it is unlikely you would get unsupervised visitation.  It is more likely you would get a few hours supervised visitation until all evaluations and hearings are completed, then that would remain the court orders with incremental increased in hours or you would then be granted unsupervised visitation.    It wholly depends on what her allegations are and what she fights for and your judge.